Okay, we here at FDS are the baddest bitches, but part of being a bad bitch is leveling up: professionally, emotionally, physically, spiritually. We don't ask anything of our potential partners that we haven't already asked of ourselves ten times over, right? I want to introduce some therapy tools that I've learned in my professional life that have helped me immensely, and have helped me help others. Maybe it'll be a bust and y'all will be like "stick to the memes!" but maybe I can make a series out of it if people end up liking this therapy shit.

The first one I want to start with is the Johari Window. I fucking LOVE the Johari Window. It is really good for interpersonal communication, and even good for self-exploration. Not the masturbation kind, the mind kind.

So what's the Johari Window? Okay, imagine a literal window. Like the old school kind, with 4 panes (I call them boxes). Everyone's window looks different, and almost nobody's boxes are of equal size. But I'll explain that in a minute.

So, the four boxes are made of up these four categories based on information about yourself. Let's break them down:

Box 1 (Open): The open box is the most obvious box, it's the open information about you. The stuff observed by just seeing you or having a normal conversation with you. Examples include: gender, approximate age, favorite Game of Thrones character. The normal shit we don't mind everyone knowing. This information is known to us, and to everyone else.

Box 2 (Closed): The next box is the box that we know and only a select, chosen few know. It's our hopes and dreams, it's our most embarrassing stories, it's our secret crushes and visions for the future. Your closed box information is just known to you and a few friends and family members.

Box 3 (Secret, or Unconscious): So this is where shit gets funky. The secret box contains the information that is largely unknown to you or others. This box contains your unknown impulses, the reasons behind your "irrational" fears. Maybe you hate driving and you always get a little flutter in your stomach whenever you turn the ignition over but never quite knew why (but really, locked deep in your brain, you always go back to that car accident you were in when you were 5). This kind of information is only really brought to the surface through deep therapy and introspection, if ever at all.

And last but not least, where the real magic happens:

Box 4 (Unknown, or Potential): Your unknown box contains all the shit that everyone BUT YOU knows. This is your vibe. This is how you make people feel when they talk to you. This is your energy. When you walk in a room, your unknown box contains what people observe about you. This is your charming glow or your stinky breath or your too-loud laugh that you didn't realize you had and everyone was too polite to tell you. This is the shit people talk about behind your back, good and bad.

Johari Window gives us a chance to really dig deep and use this information to develop our character, particularly with Box 4. Because we can't actually get outside our bodies and experience ourselves first-hand, we can do the next best thing: ask. Ask your friends and family and colleagues. Tell them about the Window and that you're wanting objective feedback about the vibe you give off. Mind you, only ask safe people because this isn't a chance for you to fish for compliments or get beaten down by people with bad faith advice, but ask the people who you believe and trust and start to recognize those areas of growth in your communication styles.

An example of this from my life: I used to think I was a super open person. Why wouldn't I think that? I'm in my head, I know my thoughts. I know the way I view the world internally. Only after learning about receiving feedback did I start to ask people in my life about my Box 4, aka how I came across to them. I found out that I'm actually way more intimidating than I ever would have realized. I use big words because that's how I was raised and not out of some cultivated pretension, but I came across as pretentious. I sometimes joked a little too much because I wanted to be liked, I didn't realize that I came across as sarcastic. Only once I heard that repeatedly was I able to see my actions, not just my intent, and I've made efforts to adjust accordingly when I felt it would be beneficial to my relationships.

As we practice with these therapeutic tools, we can actually change the size of our Boxes. Instead of having a tiiiiny Box 1 and a gigantic Box 2 and 4, we can start to shift to becoming more intentional with our openness and willingness to connect to the world around us. Only through the development and practice of empathy and awareness can we start to recognize how we are perceived and what changes we can make to level up our dating, professional, and interpersonal lives.