Met a guy OLD. First 3 weeks constant texts and a good morning check ins and good night texts. Always arranging the next date at end of current date. We have been dating for 5 weeks. He is a teacher and went back to work 2 weeks ago, so less time to text. He also starting his own craft business. He has his kid 50% of the time. So life is back to normal.
Texts have reduced massively, unless we are arranging a date. Still text once a day, but just a few compared to the loads he sent. Texts are now him showing me what crafts he has made and a how you doing. Nothing conversational. However when we met up, he does mention things I have said in texts, so must pay attention. However we have don’t arrange dates on the date, it’s more via text a few days later.
He does this annoying thing that I will send a text, but he doesn’t read it, but still active on WhatsApp. I know he speaks to family and business deals on WhatsApp. It’s like he ignores me. They may get read the next day when he sends a text. I don’t want to play games and ignore him, I answer straight away when I can ask will forget.
So do guys slow down the texting once the chase has gone? Has he lost interest. Or is this just normal? Or busy? I feel he can only concentrate on 1 task st a time. At times I feel rejected. Btw, I am not a texted more calls, so texting etiquette is alien to me. Very confusing.
[–]THE_ANGRY_SHARTERFDS STRATEGY COACH7 points8 points9 points (2 children) | Copy Link
Note that NOWHERE in the post, does OP mention if they're exclusive or not. She's worrying about this ONE guy. Why she's not texting other dudes is beyond me. Why she's feeling "Stuck" on this one dude is also beyond me.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
We are figuring things out. I feel guilty if I text others, which I have not felt in a while. However I am trying to not put my eggs in one basket. I do want things to progress and he has said the same. Early days trying to figure out if we see a future. Only reason I have not said exclusive as he has a red flag I am figuring out if it will halt it. His past relationships he has always played the rescuer role. I don’t need or want to be rescued. He has acknowledged this trait and said he doesn’t want to rescue anymore, but bad habits etc. I have said I am independent and want an equal partnership.
[–]THE_ANGRY_SHARTERFDS STRATEGY COACH1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
Are you "figuring things out" monogamously, together, as previously discussed (and agreed to by both parties)?
If not, then I'd say seeing others is part of figuring out which option is best for you. DON'T feel guilty for texting others during this non-exclusive phase.
[+][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
He does text everyday. We had the conversation about preference of communication. I am phoner he is not. Occasionally he calls. Trying to get the balance. It’s the ignoring texts that annoys me. He does reply eventually.
[–]ino_y1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
He's gone from giving attention to taking attention.
He's using you as another social media platform - a blog. Posting pics to your wall for Likes. You're meant to give him enthusiastic pats on the head. "How you doing" is "entertain me, tell me something interesting", implying he has lost interest, and needs something from you to regain his interest.
If he's still a rescuer, if he only gets thrills and validation from being useful and saving a woman, and has done no work beyond recognizing it and saying "he won't do that anymore", but he's still feeling the feels from whatever happened in his childhood, he isn't fixed. He's simply not excited by your independent self who doesn't need him. So he's forcing you to GIVE him attention to keep his interest. He hasn't worked out how to exist in a relationship without an unhealthy validation method (rescuing or attention seeking)
Find someone who is delighted with you for who you are, and is already not-a-rescuer.
If he's annoying you already, cut him loose.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
This is where I date differently. Been the kid in the candy store, dating multiple people. This was not good for me as I felt grass was always greener. Felt I missed a chance on a great guy. Feel for me it’s easier to concentrate on one guy. For him, I assume he is not dating others as he sends me texts and pictures of what he is doing. We have both said previously we like to get to know one person.