As a recovering pickmeisha and cool girl, I wanted to share some hard truths I learned in my own journey with a being a long-term gf to a hobosexual for a few years. FDS has changed my life and inspired me to post here for the first time. This is a post about dating a hobosexual LVM and how to identify the warning signs.

Brief context: Before FDS, I was a standard pickmeisha and cool girl in college. I jumped from long term NVM to LVM relationships from the time I was able to start dating until I got majorly wounded by a particularly long term NVM hobosexual and realized I wasted my early-20’s allowing the fear of the unknown to keep me hooked to a man who was detrimental to my personal well being.

The dangerous part of a hobosexual is that they prey on young women first starting out on their own and these women tend to have limited dating/life experiences to recognize the bullshit they are putting up with. The hobosexual tends to be similar in age range (2-7 years age difference typically) to the women they are with and these women tend to be career-focused but “starting out” in their profession without a solid foundation in their field. Examples of what I mean: first-time teacher that recently graduated, a law school candidate finishing their paid externship before working an entry-level law firm full time, or a recently promoted young professional in a nonprofit setting that is working their first “big girl” career goals, etc.

Hobosexuals find women to date that are naturally empathetic, caring, ambitious, considerate, and independent but these women also tend to not have the insight, self-esteem, and self-worth to see their value. This allows the hobosexual to present their relationship as an “equal partnership” in the early stages of dating then the hoboxsexual gently reinforces the semantics of “equal partnership” to manipulate their partner to believe their relationship is normal. At this point, things present themselves in a way that makes the woman feel comfortable enough to allow the hobosexual to stay at their place at least 50% of the time and gradually the hobosexual starts to informally move in with you. The hobosexual refers to you as their “long-term partner” to make you believe that the relationship is going to lead to a long-term commitment (leading the woman to assume it will lead to an engagement and/or marriage) and that their unequal contributions to the household is circumstantial as you two “build your lives together.” During this time, the woman is typically enduring circumstantial hardships that make it challenging to comfortably live on their own and this insecurity in their own life stage and/or financial situation projects itself onto the relationship. Since the hoboxsexual and woman are “building their lives together” while the woman is making short-term pain-gains (ex: going to graduate school, living with roommates to save money, low income because of career change/move, etc.) in their own lives, they believe the hobosexual is putting the same effort and investment in their own personal lives for “their future.” This is not the case but the hobosexual implies this is happening by promoting the concept of “equal partnership” during the relationship. This also allows the hobosexual to further manipulate the situation during the dating phase. The hobosexual will initially publicly praise their partner for having such a balanced relationship, being a dynamic team, and praise the woman for being understanding of 50/50 dates because of their current circumstances to further normalize their low/zero value behavior. Once the women starts to believe the hobosexual’s rhetoric, the hobosexual transitions from informally living with her to cohabitation. The hobosexual will share their “concerns” over “building a life together in this next chapter” to you. These concerns typically include them being a financially equal partner and hints that they “aren’t sure” about the concept of marriage in general but they are able to weave circumstantial factors and leading statements to insinuate that it’s because of the context of the (woman’s) situation, things will improve itself, and there is “no other person I’d rather be partners” with to string you along thinking they will eventually commit. The hobosexual also has some type of side hustle or passion they want as a “career path” and will parallel trying to find personal fulfillment/happiness in their own “career path” to the hardships you are experiencing while trying to level up. The woman’s empathetic nature leads them to create a narrative where they see this is okay and continue to encourage/support the hobosexual in these pursuits because THEY ARE A TEAM. The hobosexual is moody while living with you (sulky, ungrateful, misterable, hungry for ego boosts, etc.), constantly soul searching for the pursuit of happiness, and is generally inconsiderate of your emotional or personal needs while in their self-proclaimed “moods”.

During the “building your lives together” phase (1 year-a few years in UNTIL you break up), the hobosexual will sprinkle in some breadcrumbs of low effort romantic gestures and “contributions” to the relationship when they start to sense you are getting resentful of them or sense you are realizing you deserve better than them. At the time, these gestures seem sweet and give the impression “it’s the thought that counts” but really, they are doing this to secure their living situation and to keep you as their practice partner until something better comes along. Once they have confirmed with 100% certainty that you see a future with them and believe your relationship is an equal partnership, the hobosexual starts to believe they are TRULY an equal partner to the woman now and it’s evident to them they have the power in the relationship now. The hobosexual’s behavior gets more depraved now that they know their woman is putting them on a pedestal and it becomes a bait and play to see how much they can get away with.

When the woman catches onto the discrepancies of what the hobosexual is promising or implying and what is being presented in tangible action, they get defensive. They will use every bit of “evidence” to argue they are nOt UsInG you, including past fights or things the woman “did wrong” in the relationship to have the woman believe they deserve the hobosexual treatment of a low effort occasional sex-toy roommate. If the hobosexual senses their woman is trying to level up through therapy and/or self-improvement during the course of their relationship or senses the woman is starting to get clarity on the situation, they will also bring up the woman’s personal shortcomings to throw them in their face to remind the woman of the things she “did things to hurt them or question their relationship” AND to reinforce that the hobosexual has SO MANY options but CHOOSES her so she can feel grateful of their eQuAL pArTnErShIp. They will minimally “try to make it work” while sprinkling some breadcrumbs of “caring” about the “equal partnership” you two created through couples counseling, shitty romantic gestures, or “discussions.” They will stay with you UP UNTIL the point where they are able to discard of you because they found another living situation to move out OR you kick them out.

Hobosexual traits:

· IF dating while in school during early phase of dating: the hobosexual will suggest 50/50 dates by the end of the first month up through the course of your relationship. The initial reason to justify behavior is “because we are both broke and in school”

· While broke/in school/young, the hobosexual was attracted to YOU because you were a flirty cool girl pickmeisha that fed into male BS, was a lib feminist, had sex early in the relationship, and was flirty. The hobosexual initially LOVES this about you and reinforces this is what made you “not like the other girls” before FALLING IN LOVE but this will change as the hobosexual senses your resentment towards THE END of the relationship. Towards the end of the relationship—you find out the hobosexual has DOUBTS about you as wife material because you were a lib feminist that believe in equal partnership and was flirty with other men.

· After school/graduation: 50/50 dates because of some financial circumstance or EQUAL PARTNERSHIP. Paid dates are typically anniversaries, birthdays, the occasional chain restaurant every few months, or treating you to a slice of pizza.

· If they are living with you rent free, will justify other minimal financial contributions they provide as rent.

· If confronted with the fact they live with you rent free, they will get offended and imply it was a SACRIFICE for them to remain cohabitating with you rent-free then come up with some type of justification of how living with you rent free has created some type of hardship for them. For example: “While you were finishing medical school in this small rural town, I had to work a few odd jobs and be constantly unpaid/underemployed in my career field for 2 years while you finished school so I could still live with you.”

· If they use your car for transportation, they will bring up when they fill up your tank to note their contributions so it seems like they are trying to pull their weight while living with you.

· They will initially commit to household chores and tasks to manage the household, but towards the beginning of the end of the relationship, it will sharply decrease to basically nothing.

· Complain about their educational training, student loans, and other expenses. When you bring up the fact they can save money to pay off those concerns by living with you, they will mention every privilege or advantage you had over them to be where you are at now to downplay the hard work/accomplishments you have done to avoid responsibility to take action in their lives. Example: “I can’t imagine what it’s like to not have a $400/month car payment and have my parents pay for my first car.”

· They are self-aware they are sulky, negative, and that others find their disposition unpleasant once they really get to know him on a personal level. They neg you by being “appreciative” that you “know the real him” including his shitty childish moods to reinforce catering to his needs, feelings, moods and crappy behavior.

· By the 1.5 year mark of the relationship, he is fully moved into your place in the cohabitation phase

· They have a job with benefits, but their career is a PASSION area. See meme example

· They will resort to proposing to you if they know they will lose you, but once they propose their treatment of you deteriorates. They have no intention of marrying you either, it’s just to secure their living space rent-free for at least another year since a $1200 for a 1 time ring is cheaper than having a roommate in an apartment.

· If they initiate breaking up, it is usually when their financial situation improves or the support you have provided have lead him to better opportunities where he is able to meet basic survival needs on their own if needed.

· During breakup phase, he will try to make it “as amicable as possible” and be friends. The rhetoric he promotes is that “things between us just aren’t working out” and “he can’t see himself giving you what you want/deserve” when being giving examples of their LVM behavior. Rather than acknowledging this, it is easier for the hobosexual to walk away and not take ownership of them actively USING you, despite all evidence to suggest they did actively USE you as a trial long term-gf, sex doll, mommy, therapist, etc. and it feeds their ego more to say that it "just didn't work out."

· They will bring up your past flirty behavior or any personal shortcomings to justify “how things came to be” in the “situation” (him being shitty) and will only describe their gripes with you in the relationship or your relationship in a general terms to dodge their personal responsibility.

· Gift giving is sad at best. You can send the hoboxsexual specific gift links, ideas, and explicitly state what you want them to buy you numerous times, but they will typically purchase some cheaper variation of what you REALLY asked for and there is no personalization or thought that accompanies the gift.

· Have issues with certain male figures in your life or how you present yourself as openly confident as “flirty” to males. They will bring up how you were an easy pickmeisha flirting with lots of men when you first started dating then bring up 1-2 examples of how you have given them doubts in the relationship/forever committing to you because of these things, despite the fact that they never broke up with you 2+ years ago when it happened.

· Suggests having an OPEN relationship once you are “married for 20 years or something,” despite you telling them that would be a deal-breaker in a marriage and constantly laments in the fact that marriage is scary because he isn’t sure if it’s right for him. He will bring up a bunch of porn-inspired fantasies, open relationships, and their concerns over marrying you since you had more dating experience than him so he COULD MISS OUT on all the secks. When you are about to go to sleep, you will find him looking at porn or masturbating every night.

· Uses their mental health to justify treating you without respect or consideration since they are struggling. During breakup phase, will insist that the relationship had “nothing to do with being single or finding someone else, but to find out myself” but dating apps are clearly created a few days after they discarded you. Typically there is another girl in mind and they are practicing their long-term relationships skills with you until the next pickmeisha is ready for them.