Hooked

mamalisaatl · 2019-09-10T05:09:01+00:00

Stop initiating anything with him. He should be calling, texting you. He should invite and go with you to events, not try to hook up when you get there separately. You should not go to his house when you haven’t even had a meal together.

My son said something to me when he was dating. If a girl sleeps with you right away then she’ll probably sleep with anybody. He dated a girl for 2 months that I liked. I asked him why he broke up with her. He said she was too fast so he didn’t plan to date her very long. I was bummed. Five years later, they are married and just had their first child. He recognized that she made a mistake because she was really in to him and he also down the road, after reconnecting with her, realized that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her.

Everything is not totally messed up here. Take a big step back. Be friendly but don’t contact him. When you do go out, be the girl that has value. He will plan the evening. He will pay for the date. He will contact you. He can set his own alarms as you are a lady, not a clock. Be busy with your life. Make time for him. He can pick you up wherever you are so he can see exactly how busy you are and appreciate your making time for him.

You got this!!!❤️

randomacct1827377 · 2019-09-09T22:48:19+00:00

I’m going to be really blunt. You need to read The Rules. You really should not have gone over to his house for a bootycall. Just read the book. You may not have actually messed anything up but....you need to reign it in fast. You should stop initiating contact. Be cheerfully busy and “accidentally” not paying him too much attention, NOT being moody and ignoring him. Go out with some girlfriends this week and do something interesting. Be full of new stuff to talk to him about when you do hear from him. NEVER RESPOND TO A BOOTYCALL AGAIN. And read the Rules!!

TheOGJammies · 2019-09-09T23:58:55+00:00

The unfortunate truth is you’ve played your hand by letting him know the extent of your interest and having sex without any investment on his part. And you let him make you responsible for reminding him of something he can set an alarm for? And he didn’t contact you before then? In fact, it seems like you’ve done most of the initiating in this situation and nothing gives me any confidence he’s even interested in you. He’s literally done nothing.

I would back all the way off, wish him well, and see if he picks up the slack in communication. If he doesn’t, you have your answer.

RussianAsshole · 2019-09-10T05:03:19+00:00

This isn't gonna be fun to read but this is a doozy and I remember being in your place so I'm gonna give you the advice that no one gave me.

Disclaimer: what you did is fine if all you want is casual, NSA sex. However, that's clearly not the case since you already really like him.

We spent a lot of time talking and ended up kissing and a bit more but no sex.

Within the first meeting you already showed him that you barrier to entry for men who want to have access to you and your body romantically is extremely low. This gave him the clear signal that you're DTF, since a woman who wants a relationship, if she's playing her cards right, won't give too much of herself too soon. It's bad form. Also: you put far more romantic emphasis on this kiss than he is. While we as women tend to view kisses as romantic and swooning and ahhh, considering the fact that you guys weren't on a date but at a friend's house, he saw this as you offering him sex. Also, you said you two ended up doing a "bit more". If that means BJ/HJ, at your friend's house, first time meeting each other, and want a relatioship to blossom from that? Nonononono.

He expressed how happy he was to have met

Of course he is, he just got a HJ/BJ. You viewed what you guys did as intimacy while he just views it as casual sex. You are making the mistake of thinking that men think of sex the same way that women do; he knows this, and knew you would interpret "how happy he was to have met me" as him being happy to have met you as a person.

Next day I texted to check up on him

He knew you were more invested than he was at this point. Texted super soon and first.

last night he asked me to go over to his place.

Get used to doing nothing but Netflix and chill because how a man treats you at the beginning is when he's on his best behavior. I'm sure you were hoping for him to ask you on a real date but you gave into meeting this player at his house, showing him that your standards are very low and that you will accept being treated however. This was also a clear booty call and I'm sure you knew that. This would be ok if it wasn't for you having feelings. This was the time to put your foot down and tell him you're not a hang out at home and chill in bed kind of girl. A real date at a public place where he has to put in effort and treat you or nothing at all.

ended up having crazy/intense sex (which I somehow initiated) Connection was amazing.

I'm sure it was; you have feelings for him which made everything feel so much more amazing. Glad he seems to have made an effort in bed.

We texted a bit more today but I initiated the conversation since he asked me to remind him about an important task today and that’s how the conversation started

Nonononono. You texted him first after sex. You showed him that you are far more invested than he is. Game over. A man should make the effort, take the initiative of hitting you up after such an intimate act. I'm sorry but do it the other way around and this exact scenario happens: he knows you're in the palm of his hand.

He asked you to text you to remind him of that thing as a test. He wanted to test exactly how invested you were in him and how much he could get out of you just by seeing if you would put in the effort to not only remember this thing but take it upon yourself to remind him as if you're a reminder in Google Calendar. He also asked you to do this so you would feel pressured to be the one to text first after having sex, taking that responsibility off of him and further cementing your invest in him since you would just justify it by saying "should i really text him first again.....nah, he asked me to remind him!". so this trick was two-fold.

I know for a fact that he’s not a texter because common friends have told me that

The only way to test this out would be to see if he texts you first as often as you do to him.

I also know he just got out of a long term relationship

He's more than likely emotionally unavailbe and made this clear to you so he can cover his own ass when you get super deep feelings and demand answers for why he won't commit, because he can just say "well you knew I was recovering from a LTR".

On another note he expresses interest when we are together and is very sweet.

This is very deceiving. This guy got laid easily and quickly after meeting you. It's in his best interests to be sweet and feign romantic interest lest this guaranteed sex stop.

He also says stuff about future plans like for example traveling to his hometown together

This is a carrot on a stick. He's filling your head up with fantasies of things that he knows will never happen. Pretending to pursue a relationship down the line is one of the most common long-cons that men use. What better way to get investment, companionship, and nonstop sex from a woman than to pretend to think like one?

I am also a very honest person so holding myself from asking him is something that takes energy

Girl I know someone asking you to hold back from not being all over the person you adore sounds like someone asking you to hold your breath for an hour. You were honest, you showed your hand, so he knew exactly which game to play to get what he wanted. Men use different strategies depending on what a woman wants/the persona she puts up. She wants a relationship? Pretend to really like her too while getting by with putting in minimum effort, as he's done. She has sex early? Tell her you don't understand why society puts down women for having casual sex and that he doesn't think any less of you for it. Gas her up.

You say "ask him". What do you want to ask him?

I can tell you're an amazing girl with a big heart with a plethora of love to give. But you're looking for it in the wrong places and setting yourself up for failure and a broken heart. Maybe you purposely put yourself in a position to get your heart broken subconsciously because you're afraid of, and possibly not used to, being treated the way you deserve?

2honestgal · 2019-09-10T07:09:45+00:00

I definitely will start reading it! Thanks for the advice 🙌🏻

THE_ANGRY_SHARTER · 2019-09-14T04:10:00+00:00

You fucked up majorly. You initiated a lot and have him the power and he doesn't give a shit anymore because he knows you're hooked and won't leave

AltezaHumilde · 2019-09-10T23:34:53+00:00

You are doing good. He is not in the mood if "initiating" things or texting, because as you said he is not a texter, and also, maybe he is a little "defending" because of the long relationship. Keep giving him good sex, and try to take the initiative for some time, in one or two months , he will be out of his cave.

Title	Hooked
Author	2honestgal
Upvotes	8
Comments	15
Date	September 9, 2019 10:20 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/d1y5il/hooked/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/hooked.724341 https://theredarchive.com/post/724341

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