Hi! I don’t want this to be too long, so here it goes. I broke up with my boyfriend of 1 year like two weeks ago. It was my first serious relationship. But it was awful and toxic. We were pretty much incompatible, and he didn’t give me the things I needed, I felt unloved a lot. Although, what kept it running were the constant highs - things were great, especially after the fights. I can almost see now how I sometimes initiated fights, probably to get something from him. Either way, it wasn’t working, I needed something, but he wasn’t commited enough and wouldn’t provide. Still, a lot of the times I just went with it, accepted his low effort, the breadcrumbs of love he gave me. Makes me feel like such a pickmeisha now. And yet, even though I know these things rationally, I know I’m trying to fill a void, engaging in self sabotage. And yet, the emotions still remain. The problem is, me and my ex are studying the same thing, so I still have to see him in lectures and stuff like that. Of course, I’m ignoring him, we don’t talk and text, but still, i see him. And it makes me miss him. I just hate it so much! I have no idea how to really deal with this nonsense, the fact that I still hope he will come back and love me, start missing me. I know if he ever would, I should tell him no. And most of the times I feel like I could do it, but it comes and goes. I just wish I could feel super apathetic and see him as low value to me, therefore not need anything from him. But for some reason I’m not able to kill this stupid hope. I tried writing all the things I hated about this relationship, but it’s not super helpful. I miss his touch, and mostly the physical aspects of the relationship. Also, his sweeteness. How do I keep the right mindset to properly move on from something that’s no good for me?