How do I level up my patience?

whatglasses5 · 2020-04-15T03:58:39+00:00

So the first step is recognizing that this is happening and that you want to work to have calmer reactions. You’ve done that, so that’s good!

It takes a lot of practice to change a habit, but it can be changed if you want it to.

Practicing mindfulness meditation can really help with patience. It trains your brain (eventually) to notice what is happening and eventually help you gain the space to make different choices in the moment.

Working with a therapist can also be really helpful. I used to get very defensive because of past trauma and all of the self-work that I did was minor compared to the progress I have been able to make in therapy.

Good luck OP :)

2340000 · 2020-04-15T06:00:20+00:00

OP, sounds like you're being triggered. I like what the other commenter said about mindfulness and therapy👌

I'd also add that your stress levels are heightened because you might be having emotional flashbacks. That is very common. When people don't have the necessary validation for basic human existence, it can make you "act out".

IME, when I was still being abused I was super "defensive". I phrase it that way because I don't necessarily believe that defensiveness is entirely one person's fault. If you intentionally provoke someone (which is exactly what those guys did), that's a form of manipulation. Trying to defend yourself is just a coping mechanism for the pain. Take some time to understand that.

And I don't think you need patience because that gives other people more power. I'd say to accept yourself and trust your intuition. If someone says the sky is green and you KNOW the sky is blue, leave it at that. Just repeat in your mind: the sky is blue, the sky is blue, the sky is blue.

Whatever way you can better understand yourself, I encourage you to do it. The most important thing is that you're centered within yourself.

2020-04-15T08:17:25+00:00

[deleted]

Kekekeke7777 · 2020-04-15T18:02:07+00:00

My advice might be different than the norm. But I think it’s important to honor that anger and feel it. You weren’t allowed to in your relationships or even after probably, since people don’t let women be angry, let alone if it’s because of what men did to them.

So it doesn’t go away, we just repress it until it’s safe and then it tries to come out later. But then that’s not “acceptable” either because then you’re really upset at something else and feel bad, like “I must be a terrible person for getting mad at this situation for a reason I don’t understand.” You’re not a terrible person.

Then you get depressed because it’s like “will no one hear me? Doesn’t anyone care about what he did to me?”

So, get angry and follow that emotion all the way down until you get it out. Assume your anger is justified. Women have a LOT to be angry about.

Like Glennon Doyle says, “I only respect 2 types of women: those that are angry and those who are actively in a coma.” and “If you’re a woman and you’re angry, it’s because you’ve been paying attention.”

Title	How do I level up my patience?
Author	AlarmedSunflower
Upvotes	17
Comments	4
Date	April 15, 2020 1:02 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/g1hyv7/how_do_i_level_up_my_patience/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/how-do-i-level-up-my-patience.678333 https://theredarchive.com/post/678333

Comments