Im not even sure if I'm in the right place. But I really want to tell someone how I feel or else i will break to the point that i might not be able to get fixed. Could someone tell me why men in my life are like this? Let me tell you about my story.

When I was younger, I was sexually assaulted by a guy who was trusted by my family to look after me. he was like a brother. that assault lasted for 6 months before I finally told my mom about him. Anyway I got therapy and I move on with my life. Therapy taught me that there are good men out there.

When I was 18 I went out with a guy 5 years older than me. He taught me that sex is not scary. That it is a show of love with each other. its a beautiful thing. But 3 years into the relationship, he cheated on me with the excuse that we are not intimate enough. so he looked for someone else. i was hurt. but just like always i moved on.

A year later I met another man. We were friends at first before we got into a relationship. we lasted 2 years. He moved to another city ghosted me for one week only to come back and break it off with me. his reason? because apparently he is tired of having sex with me. Im a sex maniac according to him. found out he found another girl in the city he live in. and that was he was breaking up with me. This time i didn't move on quickly. I was so in love with him. He was the reason why i said 'that's it! no more relationship!'

I suppressed my self even though single life is very lonely. I said no I don't want relationship. by this point I was so scared to trust again. I was so afraid to be hurt again. I go online to find guys to sleep with but no relationship. all of them were trash. all of them were only after sex sex sex sex sex sex. But then I was ok. Because I also didn't want any commitment. Until a month ago. I met this guy. he was so sweet. he didn't ask me the regular 'hey what are you wearing'? We talked about intelligent topics such as politics, religion and life in general. I was starting to fall for this guy. He sounded different. Before covid restriction started, we met each other. We talked some more and just took a nice walk. No sex talk and I was so happy. I thought he was so different. He had genuine feelings. Until about two weeks ago. Our topics suddenly turned steamy. That was the night we had our first sex chat. I didn't really mind it. I was starting to like him so I didn't mind it.

last Tuesday, we met up and had sex for real. I confessed to him that I like him. and yep it headed to that. I was so happy... after that he drop me off home. I said good night and the next morning he didn't message me. I said thats ok maybe he is busy. Another day no message. So i message him first. no message back. called him.. found out he blocked me. Why?? just why??? did i do something wrong? But why? why do these men hurt me? what did I do to be treated this way? Im so disappointed with the male species that Im starting to hate them... I feel like they are animals that are not capable of feelings... I feel so hurt and disgusted... I feel so dirty and low. I felt so easy... I feel angry... why do men do this? just why? There are probably good men out there.. But i feel like evil immature men dominates the good ones. its like one good man out of hundreds evil ones. I don't want to anymore. I'll just stay single. no more.

Im sorry I wrote a whole essay. But i felt so much better after writing this... If you've read the whole thing..thank you.