I got into a relationship with a LVM at 17 when he was 19/20.

Nearly four years later, I’m finally ending it. This is this furthest I’ve gotten in the breakup process out of the many times throughout the years I tried to end it. I feel 100% certain that this is the end.

He was a virgin both relationship wise and sexually and had never lived in his own place before us. I took his virginity and we started living together after a few months of dating.

Biggest mistake I ever made. The virgin/never lived alone part should have been enough. Alas, I was a naive little girl who was convinced I needed a man in my life to be fulfilled.

I mean, I’m grateful to the life lessons I learned, but he doesn’t get the credit for that. Because those lessons were forced on me as a result of his mistreatment. I so wish I had been as strong and aware as I am now the first time he showed me he was a LVM.

it started with remarks of “you deserve better” and constantly “joking” that he “wouldn’t be here when I woke up” (playing with my emotions to feel needed). Then it got progressively worse from there. I tried to take a “break” from him multiple times (a break was the only way he would accept it) but then he’d decide that he couldn’t stand to be away from me and would convince me to come home and see him where he would love bomb me, eventually bang me and I would be caught up all over again.

After recently reading “Why Does He Do That” I came to so many more realizations that gave me the strength to end things for good this time.

I’ve been staying at my friends while he gets ready to leave. Every time he tries to message me and control the situation by lovebombing or trying to garner sympathy I just sit there jadedly. I see the cycle for what it is and I refuse to get caught up. Seeing right through all the bs just makes it easier for me to stick with my decision. Honestly, it’s irritating seeing him try to manipulate the situation. I’m mad at myself for falling for it so many times. I found that flirting around with other people really reinforces that I’m not in love with him anymore and also keeps me grounded from his attempts to change my mind. Like wow, I’m still trying to shake the guilt from feeling this, but I am ready for that single life, I’m ready to become sexually liberated and liberated altogether. To meet and experience new people with my newfound empowerment and strength.

Anyway, enough about him. I’m worried about how many feelings will flood in after the initial shock once he leaves, but I know I’ll get through it. I’m so ready to date myself, though. I’ve felt so detached from myself, my self worth, my friends, my family...I’m excited to take it all back. I know I’m going to glow right up. I’m ready to experience adult life on my own.

this subreddit is amazing and empowering. I’m glad I found it!!