Communication is one of the key tenants of a successful relationship. Relationships are won and lost on communication. The bulk of advice on communication in dating focusses on the frequency of communication. How often he texts/calls/video calls. Whilst that’s all well and good, what’s equally, if not more important than frequency, is the quality.

People think that just because they are in regular contact with their partner that they have good communication, but they’re not always the same thing. Communication is both pro-active and reactive. Ideally, a HVM would be both. Reactive communication can be if you ask them a question and they tell you the answer. Proactive communication involves them telling you before you have to ask or chase them up.

For example, you’ve agreed to a date, but he’s running late/plans have changed. A proactive communicator would inform you of this well ahead of time. A reactive communicator would inform you at the last minute, after the time you were supposed to meet, or even worse, not at all. I’ve dated men who claimed to believe in communication, but they were always reactive. The last guy I dated was so bad that he didn’t even bother to tell me that he didn’t want us to be in a relationship anymore. He only told me after I asked him why the frequency of his communication had dropped so suddenly. When you’re looking for a partner, make sure that he understands what proactive communication is. It’s not telling you after the fact. It’s not him telling you eventually after you’ve picked up that he’s slacking. These are all signs of someone who doesn’t know how to communicate effectively. Reactive communication is also extremely important, but for a man to be an effective communicator, he also needs to know when to take initiative and communicate proactively.