We talk a lot about value that the guy provides and thoughts and motivations of shady guys. But I kind of just wanted to talk a bit about WHY pick me logic in its absolute root is flawed. And it really starts with motivation and its causes. I keep it a tad more theoretical so you can maybe also learn something to motivative yourself a bit better.

But what exactly is "motivation"? It's an orientation of your physical and mental energy towards an activity you think will bring you to (or at least closer to) a goal you think is positive. So in short: You want something to happen that's positive for you, you'll do something for it.

Whenever you do something in any situation, it leads to an outcome which leads to consequences. Three expectation are linked to this:

  • Situation-outcome expectation: what happens if I do nothing at all?
  • Action-outcome expectation: what happens if I do something?
  • Outcome-consequence expectation: what are the consequences of my action?

This means, before you lift a finger, you'll analyze whether using your energy on a certain situation will be worth it. When the situation will be better or is already good to begin with, why do anything? When you do something and nothing will be better, why do anything? And when consequences won't be as good as you think they should be, why even bother?

So by providing him with everything he could need (sex, caring for his household, etc.), a pick me creates a positive situation-outcome expectation for the guy: It's good already, he doesn't have to do anything. There has to be something to work for or else he won't do it. He won't "change" just because you give him more free time by providing for him. He also won't "change" now that you get children.

This whole motivation process is fast. It's something you do all the time with every situation you'll face in your day to day life. So once again: Trust him whenever he shows who he truly is. When he shows you he's putting in only the least amount of effort, don't say "this will get better". It won't.