Reading FDS has made me realize some things about the most serious relationship I had so far. So yes, my ex had some good traits, like being able to cook and manage his home and being consistent with contact and actually being into me. Buuut:

  • He pretended to be interested in my interests or agree with me on stuff in the beginning, only to reveal that he actually believes the opposite, and he dismissed any arguments I made, with contempt.
  • He pushed me for sex stuff and point blank said it is risky for the relationship if I dont comply. (even tho I had shared with him that I have major trauma associated with that). I did not comply for the most part. But the fact that he brought up stuff again and again, mentioned that every other girl does it etc etc, was huge disrespect which I missed !!
  • He drank to the point of being wasted and was rude to people like waiters and guards who were just doing their job (again with contempt) while idolizing assholes as role models
  • I also thought he was HVM because he did not seem to be fazed by my career and my being a bit smarter than him, but.. looking back there are instances where he said uncalled for things to my coworkers (so, sabotage, much?) and him becoming angry that I had savings when he did not.

These signs reared their ugly heads after 6-12 months (but mini signs were present before too). I was too busy thinking "hm but he seemed to be excited about what I actually wanted to do sexually in the beginning! we seemed to agree on things and he was nice!" and trying to see what I did wrong. In hindsight, once disrespect and contempt appear, there is NOTHING worth saving in the relationship. I only wish I had had the strength to end it sooner.