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keep_my_stuff Archive

View 6 posts and 548 comments by keep_my_stuff on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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50

My outlook is that since I started vetting and mirroring people's energy, it became clear that I was carrying the ENTIRE weight of relationships and friendships. I don't know what will happen. But it is definitely true for me that what all this revealed is that good dating options have been sparse for me. FDS is still useful, but it has been sobering to see how I simply do not have as many options as my peers. ETA: fds taught me that 'male attention' is overvalued in our society. This still does…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/22 12:06 PM
1

eh, it is "only" ONS until he finds a younger replacement
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/22 02:15 PM
24

Yeah, he was saying that he the chance you "gave" him doesn't count, because it doesn't give him the right kind of validation/social clout or whatever the fvck
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/22 08:11 AM
48

I am not surprised tbh. Even my ugliest and grossest friends had some woman show interest in them. They just thought the woman was beneath them. 🤷‍♀️ Also, men who routinely scheduled 3 dates with different women a week, were whining that Tinder is hard for men. So the problem was what? That they couldn't get everyone they swiped right on?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/22 07:44 AM
9

I don't think anybody deserves of me something that I don't want to give. My first responsibility is to take care of myself. For me, receiving is not a requirement either. In my experience, trying to navigate a scenario where I don't give, but I receive only works if the guy is super into giving. Which is nice, but not a requirement, I actually think that sometimes guys are too quick to give it, whereas it is something that warrants a greater established intimacy for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/22 07:37 AM
5

Funny how even then.. accepting that dating CAN have a monetary loss for men, that monetary loss is BOUNDED. They can never lose more than some disposable income. Women stand to lose their energy and take months to bounce back, their bodily integrity and even their life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/22 02:28 PM
110

This. Men will even thank you profusely for helping them, tell you that they would not have made it without you, and then turn on you the instant you ask for some help back. I was listening to my ex's woes with his job for many evenings in a row(some of them the result of bad choices which he had the power to undo if he had any cojones) . I was a sounding board, used my empathy and intelligence to make some suggestions. Then, the instant I have an issue with my manager and bring it up more than …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/22 07:38 PM
49

Better way to handle it? Just leave. Preferably without making a scene and with a lie that shows him he is also not a priority. Sorry, I juuust remembered I was supposed to help my neighbour with her spring cleaning. And then you drop him of course. But in a way that he isn't sure why.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/22 11:42 AM
82

My narc ex would do this to test how much hurt I will tolerate (and was hating me more and more as I tried to brush it off) He would point at posters in the street about dance shows that he knew I am interested in, and then go on about how he would ask some other friends to go with him. Super unsettling and destabilising behavior, he was showing me that I am nowhere near a priority. Back then I hadn't internalised that okay, maybe somebody is being deeply unpleasant in a socially acceptable way,…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/22 08:39 AM
18

I aM GoInG tO UsE MeN RiGHt BaCk 🤡 Hope she is enjoying the copium. Also I would drop her, it is one thing to be a misguided pickme and another to call you a lesbian for your opinions. I hate pickmes. They WILL attack you, but never the men, because they deludedly hold men in high regard. Not that there's something wrong with being a lesbian. But she thinks there is. And she is using it to completely invalidate you, like "no hetero woman could conceivably be thinking of this". Denial and copium!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/22 08:23 AM
11

It makes sense for men to date women as practice. They stand to lose a limited amount of money spent on dinners. As a woman, dating for practice exposes you to an unlimited amount of potential loss, so no, you might as well only do it if there is still the possibility of a reward (ie, a relationship with someone you are attracted to)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/22 09:52 AM
6

I don't speak scrotese, but I think the meltdown is because they feel like they are not "enough" for you, because the brother/father is the obvious looksmatch.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/22 09:45 AM
15

Scrotes really be having meltdowns if your brother or your father is an attractive man. The scrotacity is real.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/04/22 07:33 PM
8

I have put a question for ice breaker on Bumble bff. Majority of women also do not answer it and go straight to hello, how are you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/04/22 12:07 PM
78

Definitely, assembling furniture together only works if the relationship is in a good state. When assembling furniture when in a deteriorating relationship we had all sorts of issues: - the guy not appreciating my help, not even saying thanks - Guy disregarding my input, ending up in shaky furniture - Me not trusting the guy to do it right, ready to point out mistakes and judge him as incompetent It truly brings all resentments to the surface.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/22 09:50 AM
10

It is true. Attractive men get matches, so for the ones that are looking to just get laid, any p*ssy will do. So they will send a low effort copy pasta to every match and see who is dtf for that particular weekend. Or they will send a gross sex thing right off the bat. It probably works for them (ie there is at least one sex pozzy libfem eager to disregard risk and hop on random 🍆) . It is when clueless average looking men try to do the same that they manage to burn through the few matches they …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/22 07:00 AM
12

This is genius 👁️👄👁️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/22 06:55 AM
56

I don't think we are in disagreement. Of course female socialization stems from patriarchy, it is drilled into our heads that getting a man is the most coveted achievement in life. It is not because we are silly, frivolous women tee hee.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/22 03:40 PM
8

Yeah I mean, good for him honestly. He made a move, made his interest clear and respected your time. I am sure if he keeps it up he will find a HVW who is into him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/22 02:13 PM
413

Seems like she can set boundaries with you but not with men 🤔 Could it be gasp female socialization that presents male validation as the ultimate achievment in life? Could it be male depravity where men take advantage of women and only think about what they can get? Could it be both?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/22 01:53 PM
32

This is a Male Depravity doom post. Those are only allowed on Mondays, ane should be tagged correctly - how is it a discussion if it is just a screenshot of a horrible thing that happened? Mods will probably back me up here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/22 12:54 PM
16

Yep. Got a new job, scrote friend's first comment was: But that is far haha, you are going to waste a lot of time commuting. The same scrote had a meltdown and blocked and deleted everyone who didn't congratulate him on linkedin for getting a degree in his late 30s, so I am pleased to report that the trash took itself out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/22 08:40 AM
33

Damn girl, the memories are flooding in. I remember I got myself professionally styled and the ex scrote was like "umm.. You sure you want to put this photo in your CV? 🤡" pathetic little scrote
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/22 08:29 AM
27

Dammit, did we date the same guy? The mantrum was spectacular
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/22 08:25 AM
28

If you find yourself hesitant to share good news, trust your gut. She correctly predicts that sharing good news will have a negative effect. With my ex, in the beginning I was sharing that I was interviewing at some good companies. After I saw his reactions, I started keeping things to myself and giving vague responses. This is a point of no return and I should have gone all the way and broken up with him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/22 08:25 AM
15

I think these people are playing out dysfunctional scenarios from their childhood, where joy was a dangerous emotion and their parents would snatch it away from them instantly. I have seen women be like this, too. I believe this is more likely, than dealing with somebody who is doing it entirely consciously. And you know what? As OP says, it doesn't matter! We aint sticking around in this toxic energy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/22 08:22 AM
3

An anniversary kind of place is high end sushi that reaches 4 figures.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/22 07:07 PM
9

Well it was plutonic, the guy was so toxically low effort he might as well be radioactive. 💀
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/22 07:03 PM
3

I would have dropped him for the duration of the trip and then put him on ice basically.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/22 07:01 PM
89

They know exactly to use Mean Look like a f.cking Zubat to scare you into compliance.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/22 06:55 PM
134

A man's attention generally means: congrats, you are now eligible to be used by me!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/22 06:43 PM
5

What's up with the boa metaphor 😵
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/22 11:13 PM
59

This is so uplifting 🤗
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/22 07:15 PM
30

The red flag here is that they did not give you the respect of trusting your advice before a man had also said the same thing. But then they did not go to the man for free labour (ie, drafting the email), they went to you. I think this is what is not sitting well with you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/22 07:23 AM
5

Not sure it is a man. Could be a pickme overfunctioning with empathy for the poor menz.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/22 07:35 AM
39

Him: I am ready to date. Also him: Looking for friendship, casual, LTR 🤡
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 04:59 PM
16

Especially on OLD, if you are among the women he wanted to match with and he is not messaging you just because he doesn't have other matches, he is going to make an effort, if he wants a relationship. If he is looking for any p*ssy, any woman will do. So he is actually optimizing his energy by investing as little as possible and see who bites. ETA: whether men make an effort is not a reflection on our inherent value. Is just useful information for vetting them!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 02:24 PM
146

The scrote meme seems to uh imply that the fat, unattractive friend is 🍆blocking because she is envious of the attention. as we all know, getting picked up by a random at a bar for hooking up, even when consensual is worth nothing to women. When men become good and non abusive in bed, we can talk.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 11:27 AM
12

Yeah exactly. I have less anxiety now because I know that if the communication doesn't work for me, it doesn't work for me and I move on. If they happen to text me when I have put them in the expired list, tough luck. They shouldn't have put me on the backburner list.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 11:19 AM
39

Yes, exactly. I have seen the light now, and knowing that male opportunism is a FACT of life, I am not keen on letting uninterested men try for what they can get out of me. No investment, no return.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 11:10 AM
87

Accomplished academic asked me on a date set for Tuesday, but did not speak to me at all over the weekend and throughout Tuesday midday, at which point I unmatched and planned my evening without taking the expired date offer into account. Around end of workday on Tuesday, he somehow managed to find me on socials and act surprised pikachu that he had been unmatched, and ask for an explanation, insist that I should have CoMmUnICaTeD before making other plans. My pickme friends insisted I should ha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 08:44 AM
39

Yea, he wants approval for being incompetent. We aint giving that any more.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 08:35 AM
12

The ones who say they are good are always underwhelming.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/22 08:31 PM
10

He wants to be the kind of man that would get hotties. This is the ultimate thrill for him. Like some women want to be the kind of woman who would change a player (we aint doing it that here of course 💅)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/22 10:06 AM
7

She sounds like a narc. They always want to make everyone as miserable as they are.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/22 05:50 PM
17

There have been better partners sexually since (and worse) But they were not offering me a good deal in other respects either.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/22 05:43 PM
146

The playground is not equal. I was called selfish and my ex would roll his eyes because I wanted to orgasm often and I needed his cooperation (literally just him being present and hugging me, nothing degrading) to do it. But he felt that he got the short end of the stick. Keep_my_stuff doesn't do anal with me! She also doesn't want to go on birth control! My penis is facing a great injustice here, and she wants to orgasm?? The fact that he orgasmed (just not from degrading me) was not enough for…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/22 11:09 AM
160

He is intentionally saying stuff like he cares for you and loves you in a mysterious way in order to keep you on the hook/backburner. Get. Rid.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/22 09:11 PM
104

This Omeid guy is such a simp. Vitalik says 'I can easily argue X or Y'. Does not actually argue X or Y. 'Z can have social benefits'. Does not give an example of a social benefit. Beta scrote accepts the assertion as fact. Who is going to bet that if it was a woman making assertions he would ask for the actual argument and antagonize her points?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/22 01:25 PM
93

Out of sight, out of mind!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/22 01:21 PM
3

Yeah. I have a former friend who would always insist that we meet exactly halfway between our houses (otherwise it was too far for her). But when her man called her to hang out while she was with me, she didn't insist that he joins us outside, no, she simply dropped me mid hangout to go to his house. 🤡
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/22 11:18 AM
152

I think injecting personality to your texts and asking questions based on the current topic is no brainer advice. But you know that most scrotes don't give you the same energy, that the only acceptable personality is bubbly and fawning and that they expect you to carry the weight of the convo and keep it going when they say they spent their evening boiling potatoes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/22 11:13 AM
84

Sex is overrated. What you interpret as sexual longing is deep down longing for acceptance and approval. Do not waste your empathy on strange men and strange people in general. Empathy needs to be earned.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/22 08:08 AM
16

He didn’t seem to understand that I wasn’t interested in something casual Oh he understands just fine. He just doesn't like it. So he tries to coerce you into casual. Do not bother warning other girls. You are deluding yourself that you are doing this to help them. You are doing it to stay entangled. You gotta help yourself. Cut all ties.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/22 10:56 AM
9

Yep, the most unhinged ones will have no consistency in their portrayals, and will try to portray themselves as whatever gets them off the hook/strokes their own ego at any given time. Then, one day later, they rewrite history and portray themselves as something else.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/22 10:27 AM
116

A significant percentage of traffickers are female. They lure young girls with embellishments or outright lies about what the job will be like. This is just a modified form of this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/22 10:10 AM
99

So insidious that they make it about CoNfIdEnCe All these women not selling their ass must be so unconfident and boring smh
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/22 10:08 AM
7

For people you know in real life: if he wanted to, he would For loose OLD connections - I will go against the grain and say you can suggest a ten minute phone call for efficienct small talk. If he acts weird or fails to set up a time/be on time, then you discard.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/22 09:36 PM
2

Thank you for that mental image 🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/22 09:25 PM
43

I love your username. I have had men say: 'omg you are hot you are nlog in stem 😍' it is the first time I meet a woman who is seriously into computer stuff Sure scrotes, other girls are ugly and too dumb for heavy computer jobs. Suuure.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/22 06:35 PM
182

Yea scrotes are disgusting. Cannot even drink delicious bubble tea without them making idiotic comments. Anything that is spherical or tube like must be pointed out that it looks like their genitalia. And this from scrotes over 35. I am so done.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/22 01:15 PM
95

referring previous conversations, they correctly remember what you said. This needs to be sustained over a long period of time. Unfortunately the covert narc will also do this while in the idealization phase.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/22 01:04 PM
30

This is a tough one. He didn't say something abusive, but from your message I understand that your heart sunk because of his attitude (saying patronising stuff about stimulation - pretty sure there are other ways to stimulate the g spot, like a hand or a toy, come on. Then he also said it is 'just different', instead of clearly saying that the regular way is better) It is not abusive to say this, but it would make my heart sink as well, what the hell is this mentality? It cannot be my person tha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/22 09:57 AM
8

I was talking with someone on OLD who said they wrote femdom fiction. I read some and I got the ick, it was basically the same eroticization of lack of consent and lack of dignity, just with genders reversed. I stupidly agreed to meet him(pre fds) and he was just a mess in person. Writing erotic fanfic is not the same as porn. No women harmed in its production, just some brain cells. Reading fanfic even if it is an addiction, is still a less harmful (to self and others) addiction than jerking it…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/22 11:06 AM
17

Yeah, abusive sex with OLD scrotes can indeed turn one off dating, even if it only happens once and the other guys had been passable. Ask me how I know. 🙃
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/22 05:35 PM
68

Very important point. It is not only the presence of objectification that is wrong, but also the absence of other incentives for women except to aspire to be the perfect object.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/22 12:19 AM
2

The banality of evil.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/22 06:10 PM
3

Michelle was FDS. Barack needed to be long distance temporarily, and tried to manage expectations by saying he is not a phone guy. Michelle said then she will find a phone guy. And this is how Barack became a phone guy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/22 11:55 AM
2

This, 100%. In the beginning I felt like a phony putting boundaries with men (ie, not accepting low effort and vague plans), but then accepting this from friends. Now if a friend takes too long to reply to an invitation to spend time together, I mentally cancel the offer, and reject them if they appear again last minute.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/22 11:50 AM
784

The random reaching out after a whole year is sketchy af. She may have interpreted it as "awww he has been thinking of me all this time! He never forgot about me!". While he was thinking "My sex options dried up. Wait, that chick was bangable wasnt she? “hey how you been" '
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/22 12:32 AM
1

I must be very innocent because I thought he was presenting a choice between nerdy activities and sporty activities.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/22 05:52 PM
11

Stealing this. Never work harder than your friends! Either they will step up or fall off the face of the earth.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/22 05:42 PM
28

Men who want a passionate woman are basically dead inside, and think that a lively, slightly manic woman who is excited about the simple things can make them feel alive again. What happens is they drag the woman to the void, not the other way around. About people asking annoying questions, idk, I feel this way too. My theory is it may have to do with the MBTI type. Sensors somehow enjoy talking about details even if there is no overall point (like asking about pivot when they will never use it) …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/22 10:29 AM
25

I might ask those people next time I see them. I think at least a couple of them are focused on work and just want to get sex to scratch the itch/feel like a succesful chad/have something to talk about with the other men
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 08:00 PM
13

okay, but then you wouldn't be in OP's shoes, ie you wouldn't feel a heavy disappointment and post on reddit about it. If it bothers the OP, it's a dealbreaker.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 07:36 PM
54

I used to think 'how come I meet all these low effort guys looking for hookups on OLD, my male friends are not like that'. This was because the OLD guys were just more blatant. Ever since FDS and making conscious effort to see reality like it is, I've realized that... my male "friends" are not much better. They are also trolling the dating apps like a game, just to cure themselves from the lack of sex. That's it, that's the intention. They don't meet women in the bars or at work, so they resort …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 06:18 PM
19

this is the most gaslighty sexual con of recent years they cajole, lie, coerce and pressure about stuff that they then turn around and use as an insult
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 05:28 PM
3

the edit kills me Porn is great and EmPOwERiNg, you just have to be INclUsiVe of porn actresses of color and the wokes will applaud you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 05:07 PM
5

problems with creditors hopefully not any tinder swindler
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 04:54 PM
30

My male friend who met the love of his life at work, and who planned a luxurious destination wedding in the Balearic islands, was also delighted to share to me (just a friend) on Whatsapp that he had reservations for Valentine's a few years back when they had recently started dating. Just an example of what high effort looks like. Even my otherwise not romantic ex bf that was LV but into me, managed to cook some meals and/or make some nice cards.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 04:44 PM
29

This sounds like a fake story.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 04:36 PM
28

yep, nobody validated me when I was saying the it feels unfair to accept all these intrusive effects on MY body, just because condomless feels better for HIM (ex-boyfriend, who was "HV" in the first 6 months, then became increasingly LV - ie couldn't keep the facade anymore because muh dick and other afflictions). I wish I had FDS back then. Although to be fair, a gay male friend of mine did mention that the "condomless feels better" obsession is because the man has deathgripped themselves to de…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/22 01:49 PM
7

not gonna look at the comments. Being aware of the state of scrote in 2022, I think somebody is gonna make allusions to p*rn categories.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/22 01:42 PM
8

My dad was telling me "maybe you should have stayed and slowly help him transition from him being In love with his ex or not over his ex to loving you" The best thing I learned from FDS (and you have evidently learned as well since you rejected this shitty deal) is to always assess the viability of the deals being offered without the rose-tinted "it HAS to work because DESTINY" bs. We aint doing that anymore. We are assessing all scenarios, their likelihoods, and possible pitfalls, not only the …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/22 11:27 AM
44

I second this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/22 10:53 AM
25

shorter than me but refuses to acknowledge lol This is a strange affliction that insecure short men have. They aren't OK if the woman doesn't mind being the taller one, NO, she has to pretend she is not taller. It's like, I can tell I'm slightly taller? Are you hoping I won't notice?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/22 09:23 PM
49

Obvious cope. If we are not human, they are not missing out on anything. If only they followed their own advice though. I am OK with men like Nikola Tesla, who didn't have relationships with women and focused on science with their finite time. Are the basement-dwelling incels going to do that? Doubt.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/22 09:19 PM
91

Same here sis. Clean shaven up to scruffy looks good, but the same man with a beard looks unattractive to me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/22 11:17 AM
5

Interestingly, this is a man doing this to a man in a gay relationship. Further proof that gay men are just as toxic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/22 05:39 PM
136

It's a different story for women who don't conform to society's beauty standards. Being talented, intelligent, humorous, or kind cannot compensate for unattractiveness for women as scrotes do not value these traits in women and only care about looks. The incel talking point here is that "Wahhh, but unattractive women can get sex!!!". Yeah sure, but getting pumped and dumped is worth nothing, incel. The thing that would be worth something from men (doubtful these days even, but let's roll with it…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/22 11:51 AM
73

And even if he did all this effort, he still wouldn't get maximum women, because a guy with better base and/or effort could beat him at it. There's no point in playing unless one can be the very best, after all, and get ALL the women. (this incel's thinking). It's so funny to see them whine like little children because people with better genetics can have a broader pool. It's much easier to cry about being an incel, than to make an effort to improve (even if they still wouldn't get 10s.).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/22 11:48 AM
36

Thanks for asking! I don’t discuss that topic ​ Unfortunately this can backfire. I have had a gay male friend frown and make the saddest face "Awww.. that good eh?" like he's pitying me when I told him I don't want to talk about the topic. I have stopped hanging out with him for this reason (he just needs to ask about my dating life everytime, and show pity when there's no news). He cannot understand that just because he can't imagine his life without random Tinder d*ck, doesn't mean the rest of…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/22 09:19 AM
23

To be fair, pickmes ALSO parrot this nonsense. Nobody ever said "OK, cool" when I said I don't like giving oral sex. YoU jUSt HaVEnT MeT ThE RiGHT PeNiS
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/22 09:14 AM
314

incredible deal, get in line ladies
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/22 05:52 PM
20

thank you for looking out for the little girl
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/22 03:08 PM
36

Array of emojis instead of text screams dumb to me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/22 02:58 PM
6

excellent point
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/22 01:19 PM
38

Wow, this deserves a FemaleDepravity tag. I read this article and remembered the Ghislaine Maxwell case, possibly one of the worst people alive. I hope she rots in jail. ETA: This story has shaken me and made me remember some things. It's not trafficking, but, I do have memories of so-called female friends trying to push me onto some undesirable guy, so that they could ingratiate themselves in the undesirable guy's friend group (maybe because he had more attractive/famous male friends). I was si…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/22 12:31 PM
27

is it possible to anonymously tip off the police or social services to check on that nasty woman?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/22 12:28 PM
21

I've been guilty of acting dumb like this in the past, thinking that I need to spend my time taking people up on random offers (just in case something exciting happens): - ex coworker (woman) hits me up after not speaking for several years, wants to meet ASAP - guy I had met in an event suddenly wants to call me up and see how I'm doing In both cases, I misinterpreted the action as "awww, I must be special to them!" because of pickme brain malfunction and, let's be honest, some type of "greed", …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/22 07:47 PM
48

Also note that he used the classical f*boi tactic "I'm only in London for one more day.. let's meet for coffee real quick!". What woman looking for an LTR would go for this? If you're looking for a serious relationship, act like it. Meet a local guy. Why try to be the exception? You think that the nonlocal guy will fall head over heels in love with you and stay in the country for you? As this whole ordeal proves, it's more likely you'll get scammed!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/22 07:32 PM
53

Cecilie, the Norwegian woman is back on Tinder and is also doing talks on how to avoid being a victim of fraud/trying to help others. I suppose that's her way of coping, but it can be seen a mile away that she's trying to bypass some painful self reflection by a) not changing what she's doing and b) trying to teach others. She's also still posting bikini pics on IG. I don't know her life, but from the outside, it doesn't look like she has learned anything.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/22 05:47 PM
4

Both analyses were great, I would be interested in more! I also probably have material I can share.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/22 11:48 AM
6

In my mind the wild animal is a ferocious alligator! Anyway, yeah I see the problem with both these convos. This (plus blatant requests for hookups) make 99% of OLD interactions. The case where the person is not able to use the info you give them to continue the convo and circles back to how are you? how was your {day of the week} is not limited to guys/dating, I remember plenty of women in bumble bff giving one word answers and dead-ending everything. Good that you dropped off both these convos…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/22 11:44 AM
33

The first woman even says in the end that she does not blame OLD at all. Surely she can see that OLD helped this guy find his marks?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/22 06:58 PM
20

This happened to me. When I showed up in my hoodie, the guy asked me if I'm into women. He thought his ass deserved a full face of make-up or sth (even tho when he asked me out I was dressed similarly, and he was also dressed the same both times I interacted with him).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/22 01:08 PM
49

love the way it feels when you [insert specific thing here] I love the way it feels when you insert your specific thing here!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/22 09:54 AM
16

And some times we admire them for traits that are discouraged in women, so it's even harder to see it - ie, one person I have a crush on is very direct and mercilessly correct down to the bare metal of his statements which translates into success in his field. When I've tried to cultivate this quality with myself, I've been accused of being no fun/too mean/too focused on work etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/22 01:22 PM
2

you gotta give me SOMETHING! gracing him with her presence was not enough !?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/22 12:56 PM
3

This is very satisfying to read. How fun to see the guy play the "pressure-for-sex" card, the way he's been taught by patriarchal society and have it backfire in his face. This again proves that men are using scripts on us to extract resources. He's not really a slave to his biology, he just thought that saying this would increase his chances of getting access to sex. The way you acted was queen moves from beginning to end.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/22 12:45 PM
6

Maybe they want people to feel unseen and like they don't matter by treating the literal celebration of the life of the other person as a non event.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/22 12:20 PM
5

Yep, so we all need to pro-actively end things when there's disrespect. We don't have to wait for it to become 100% obvious. Let's put our logical minds to it - what is the chance that a guy is into someone and ignores them on their birthday, and then texts without providing an excuse? 0.01%? We ain't taking this chance, because the rest 99.99 % is the chance we're getting clowned. When he texted her was a fine walk-away point - she was very close to seeing it/acting on it, and hopefully next ti…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/22 12:18 PM
22

The Drama of The Gifted Child by Alice Miller
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/22 07:27 PM
98

Sorry to say, but your friend is a female scrote. A scrotess, if you will.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/22 07:24 PM
47

Holy shit the lovebombing. You can't win with these things - - she entertained his interest and got used and discarded and blocked from professional opportunities. If she had cut him off (which nobody supported her in doing, but let's say he was a tad bit more disgusting so she managed) then she would have been a meanie and blocked from professional opportunities, just without the being used part.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/22 03:53 PM
3

The only acceptable hookup (back in the day when I was doing that) I had was with a guy who had put some thought into decorating and keeping his apartment neat. In fact, I was on the fence but I liked the apartment so I thought, hmmm, maybe he will put some effort into the seks as well. But sure, scrotes, keep thinking that demonstrating competency and living well makes you gay.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/22 06:50 PM
135

The comment about her postponing doing a painful and humiliating sex act makes me feel so sad at the state of everything. The state of men who feel bad about themselves because they don't get everything their pornsick self desires. The willfull misunderstanding of "postponement" and the nagging about sex. The state of women who keep the door open instead of saying eww no, because they are afraid if they say "actually I don't want to do 4n4l ever“ he will leave. How sad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/22 06:49 PM
4

The audacity 🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/22 02:10 PM
20

Lol@ "practice". A practice in taking stupid risk, perhaps.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/22 01:42 PM
20

I wouldn't call her pickme exactly but there was a friend who wasn't matching my energy, and once I stopped initiating, I never heard from her again. I had asked her to go to a food festival with me once and she said no because of covid concerns and never made another proposal. Then I ran into her in a packed club with her situationship dude. So, it's OK to risk covid for a dude. 🥴
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/22 01:30 PM
2

I think short guys are mad their height limits their options. I have done a poll with my female friends, and about half said they want the guy to be tall/taller. But nobody, man or woman, is owed options. Make the best with the options you do have, or die mad scrote.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/22 11:06 AM
5

The men would be the same with an extra dose of disrespect!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/22 10:52 AM
8

I made mistakes with men which stunted my career in my 20s. Getting my ducks in a row to recover now in early 30s. I cannot afford to lose sight of my goals for some guy whose mask will slip.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/22 10:46 AM
7

It hasn't happened to me that somebody blocked, altho ofc plenty of ghosting. I know of one case where a woman was talking with a guy who had an on and off gf, and he would block the woman when the gf got too suspicious (and then unblock her, to hoover back!!)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/22 10:10 AM
87

Like Mr Big in sex and the city 💀
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/22 08:34 PM
51

Yep, this is my conclusion as well. The mind/body is stressed because it knows
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/22 04:30 PM
53

Hm, that's fair. If I ever go on OLD again, I think I will intentionally leave some stuff there that can be sexualized if somebody is pornsick, and bait the scrotes to reveal themselvs asap 😈
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/22 11:07 AM
2

One red flag I saw was the words he was using. Notice he said "came into drawing", "slept on" . It is not exactly wrong grammatically, but it is a weird turn of phrase(and now we know it was the pornsickness breaking through!) . Then all this emotion about the poor leftover crayon.. Doesnt seem genuine at all, seems like he was testing to see if he can get sympathy for random stuff. Actually I am pretty sure it was a test: I will pretend to feel bad for the crayon and see if she buys it and foll…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/22 11:04 AM
64

It is very unattractive when a man asks you to teach him anything from a dating site.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/22 10:56 AM
46

Getting unmatched in this case is a blessing. More insidious ones will adjust their offer to something slightly better and give you the gift of their coercive presence.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/22 02:19 PM
10

like he’s trying to get bird shit off his car 😂😂😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/22 08:35 AM
5

The little jump 😍 I am imagining Timothée Chalamet taking care of the kids and some beefier guy swinging by. All masculine forms are to be savoured, after all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/22 02:21 PM
12

My ex could not bring himself to say his exact height when asked and would pretend we are the same height when I am an inch taller. I ignored this, but in hindsight it was the tip of the iceberg of unfixable insecurity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/22 02:13 PM
14

My covert narc ex would cycle through these, for example he would first try to make it about himself. If I "stubbornly" tried to lead the conversation back to me, he would act annoyed/try to minimize. If I still dared to insist that I have a legitimate grievance, he would devolve into showing glee at my misfortune. I am so spooked at how the mask slipped.. You are totally right this can be a vetting tool and I appreciate your very detailed writeup of the possible reactions, it is lile FDS resear…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/22 09:45 AM
86

i NeVeR AsKEd
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/22 09:32 AM
5

My ex was thanking me profusely for helping him with his (partially self-induced) problems. When it was his turn to provide a modicum of emotional support, he failed miserably and tried to gaslight me that I deserved the bad situation I was in, and I should not have hope of improving it) Needless to say, the situation improved when I was no longer with him and his sabotaging presence.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 04:32 PM
95

Bumble bff is the same as old minus the disrespect. That is to say, most women will be flaky and will hit you up with "hi how are you, where are you from", without using your profile to find something to start a convo with (and their profile will be a bunch of emojis and "i like food and fun“). I ended up meeting a decent woman from on there who could schedule a meeting and was also able to talk to me in terms of our mutual interests. A positive experience, and I should have followed up with her…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 04:07 PM
16

One of my exes told me being with me is better than drugs and I've been trying to recreate this the feeling that I got hearing this in newer relationships.. Not a healthy aspiration.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 10:36 AM
7

And I mean, he DID try to use the fact that she had smoked weed as an excuse to go back to the "let's just take my car" idea. It feels like the whole evening was spent fighting off unwanted stuff - which the OP did successfully, but imagine if the energy was spent elsewhere. Dating has an opportunity cost.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/22 12:47 PM
16

I didn't feel like he was such a red flag during. I think it happens to us to be not in touch with our real feelings. Because they've been suppressed for so long, especially if for example one had a parent that found their feelings annoying or offensive. So we've learned to dissociate to go through uncomfortable situations, not realizing that as adults we can get free. But it's a process, realizing that. Your true self came to the surface when you told him you know you're beautiful, and you're n…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/22 12:42 PM
29

also food is generally more expensive than drinks, the f.ck reminds me of another amazing date offer where the guy was like "you bring the food, I bring the wine". As if that's an equal division of labour - he grabs a 5$ wine at a corner shop and I have to actually prepare food? the f.ck he was surprised pikachu when i ghosted him
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/22 12:32 PM
10

if pikachu was a malevolent redpiller and not a cute squishy animal :D
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/22 12:30 PM
87

My impression of my most recent ex as spineless was correct. I just didn't know how correct - I forgot that a snake is also spineless, but can bite if you get close.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/22 10:27 PM
5

Hahaha. Somehow when they roll over without making us come and they are tired, it's a valid excuse. But god forbid a woman wants to get the hell out of dodge after some mediocre sex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/22 06:27 PM
81

The advantage of not watching porn for religious guys would be, I imagine, that they would need to come up with degrading ideas _on their own_. It would take more time to think of everything that one hour of porn shows. A small mercy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/22 05:31 PM
99

Anywhere between 2 weeks and six months. But most of them couldn't sustain their initial image for more than a month and they were trying to "alter the deal" by becoming sexually coercive, negging me for stuff they had admired me for before and putting in less effort. Whereas I stayed the same, offering the same stuff I was offering from the beginning.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/22 12:11 PM
6

I'd go as far as men demanding sex in relationships as sex work, we all know how exhausting and demoralizing it is to feel like a prostitute in a supposed loving relationship Even in the best (or let's say "least bad") relationships, eventually it came to a point where to continue receiving love and attention, more and more concessions in the sexual realm were required. Starting from getting onto hormonal birth control which I didn't want, continuing to the guy playfully(?) slapping my body when…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/22 07:03 PM
11

Thanks for the link. I have been burned by not expecting people to use these laws of power. Already at rule #2 - expect no gratitude from friends, I can think of many examples where it happened. And I was completely unprepared for this possibility - ie, that I help a friend and they punish me in the first opportunity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/22 05:32 PM
20

damn it.. i fell for it like an idiot
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/22 12:45 AM
24

or talking about the far future.. I had a scrote talk about what he'd get me in 11.5 months for my birthday..
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 11:41 PM
17

Nice to be seen what a piece of work
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 11:12 PM
13

My insane ex said both in two different occasions (thinking I wouldn't notice the insanity) - Oh, I'm so sorry keep_my_stuff, I was ignoring you and I didn't realize because I was preoccupied with my own stuff. So sorry I hurt you (by ignoring your bids) - You shouldn't have (sent those same bids) because it makes you look needy, like you neeeed my attention to feel OK and that makes me not want to be with you
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 11:08 PM
311

One thing is that there's substance backing up his words. - Talking about eloping and traveling the world together !!!! But not planning anything = Lovebombing - Driving 1 hour in the snow to spend time with you = More likely to be investment from a man being into you ​ Keep your eyes open to get a gauge of whether the person is currently in a stable situation in their life. Sometimes people lovebomb to avoid thinking about something else. But what they're avoiding will catch up with them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 07:10 PM
8

I disagree that the absence of masculine qualities makes a man a bad partner necessarily. A man who is short/of scrawny build/with a feminine voice/balding is just that - a short, balding man with a scrawny build and feminine voice. For some women, any of the four is unattractive. For most women I guess some of the four are unattractive, others not. For me personally, I find baldness unattractive, actively prefer scrawny guys and don't mind the rest.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 07:04 PM
39

>>trauma response more like a mantrum that he can't control you
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 06:52 PM
34

I see this in some text conversations - which makes me think I've done enough bids to this person, if they wanted to turn towards me, they would. Small bids can be made very easily, let's say - you say "Looking forward to seeing you" and the person leaves you on read. Or you're like "I read this book you might like" and they don't ask you about it. Ultimately, some bids will fall through the cracks and that's okay (especially in async communication). But in healthy, reciprocal relationships, eve…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 06:44 PM
251

Lol i think joining this sub has made this happen already in my 30s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 06:32 PM
19

sounds cringe on OLD if it's somebody who knows you then it can be OK
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 02:25 PM
4

You're welcome. I used to fall into the second category. When the avoidant pulled away I got this urge to try harder. Now I'm more aware of this and identify that I need to pull back instead. Trying harder only leads to burnout.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/22 05:01 PM
5

So well said! I admire your succinct words and the courage to insist on the nuances.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/22 02:09 PM
15

>> I went from being perceived as a unicorn, to being perceived as a desperate donkey not worth responding to. That's a bit harsh, to talk to yourself this way. You wanted something and you went for it. Your value does not decrease just because you wanted something. And high value people should in principle be able to see the value in others beyond the knee jerk reaction "she's chasing me, she must be desperate". So, if he's HV he is not perceiving you as a desperate donkey, just as a unicorn he…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/22 02:01 PM
16

Or getting that beauty sleep :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 07:08 PM
72

She doesn't know it, but he shit talked her the whole time they were dating and plans to be back on the dating scene in the next 5 years. wow, so he plans to drain her resources for the next five years to advance himself and then discard and move on
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 06:06 PM
36

Not being sexually coercive is the bare minimum. And given the self-gaslighting, I don't believe her that he wasn't .. he probabl was and she missed it. He probably did subtler coercive behaviors like pressuring her to shave, wear porny things etc -pornsick and coercive go hand in hand.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/21 06:42 PM
86

and somehow this gem of a man wants disgusting things to get off
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/21 06:34 PM
8

It's like chewing nicotine gum to get rid of the cravings !
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 10:20 PM
88

Yep, exactly. That;s what I do to wean myself off porn and abusive fantasies - orgasming to crappy stuff keeps you addicted. There's only four options for me while fantasizing: Orgasm while thinking of nothing Orgasm while thinking of a fantasy, vanilla scenario where people are consenting and enthusiastic Orgasm while replaying a wholesome memory (I think this may be need to be removed as well - no need to keep psychic ties through orgasm to old partners - but it helps as an intermediate soluti…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 01:46 PM
3

what are his qualifications for finding a cure for covid? delusional
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 01:35 PM
4

I didn't read all of it.. let's start at the top -- fully dedicating himself to finding the cure for covid? in a year? And he wants brownie points for being such a good person? What are his qualifications? He's manipulative (wants brownie points for something he is planning to do) and delusional (the cure for covid can be found as a team effort which he can join if he is qualified to work for big pharma or if he has years of experience in pharma and can realistically build a good team to have a …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 01:33 PM
14

It's just based on my own experience and some reading I've done. Avoidants don't see their partner as somebody who is entitled to having needs. Avoidants may have become this way to uh, avoid, parent figures that were overbearing and tried to make the child responsible for their needs - always unhealthy (think of a mother trying to get the son to give her affection because her husband wouldn't or a father making the daughter clean and cook as a substitute bangmaid while he does nothing). ​ So la…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 01:20 PM
20

how dare he leave you with blue eyes /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/21 11:17 PM
39

I mean, you can answer, Yea sounds like it's not gonna be a match. I am looking for somebody who likes to sleep with a pillow. Best of luck out there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/21 03:59 PM
19

it's actually projection because they want to control your thoughts so that you never object... ding ding ding! saving this
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/21 03:53 PM
65

All the stuff about "taking away his freedom" makes me think they were avoidant. They can only feel happy in the moment if you want to spend time with them exactly the times they also feel like it. It's fine for them to lovebomb you when they feel like spending time together, but when you reach out and they're not in the mood, or you request any kind of reassurance, you're clingy and taking away his freedom.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/21 03:51 PM
33

consider editing your post to scrub personal info (names, locations)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/21 03:44 PM
18

I remember when living with flatmates, it was much, much easier to get a cleaner and share the cost, than to have to clean and do the emotional labour of reminding people to clean and the emotional labour of curbing my anger at the lack of contribution. However, getting a cleaner when one person in the relationship is lazy is just throwing money at the problem. It won't be fixed (unless the cleaning laziness was just a one-off flaw) and it will rear its ugly head in some other way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/21 03:40 PM
26

See, it's not the kink that's problematic, it's that the man doesn't care enough to do it in a marginally safer way. /s It's so sadisgusting seeing the sex pozzy crowd trying to juggle two different goals: - Uhh.. maybe we should help this girl not get murdered? - But also, we shouldn't ever give even a slight impression that we could possibly be kinkshaming anything! And that's how you get insane messages like this. No. Choking kink is shit. Boyfriend is shit even without the choking kink. It's…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/21 01:55 PM
47

>>I think they were stunned by how upset I was out of nowhere. This has probably been a long time coming (not out of nowhere). He probably neglected you while you were a kid, and now that you're an adult and becoming conscious of your worth, you're like, wtf, I'm not worth some care? I don't think you need to call him and address the incident again - you were clear with your words and actions. You can wish him merry christmas etc and see how the relationship goes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/21 12:52 PM
95

I can also get "the hornies" as a woman. Doesn't happen very often because men are outside while ugly, but on the off chance I interact with somebody attractive and I get a physical reactions, I don't try to coerce people into taking care of it for me. Who would've thought.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/21 12:44 PM
9

Doing in a phd may also help your chances finding a partner. Lots of coworkers coming and going, going to conferences etc. When I was working in companies with 5-10 people, that was when the workplace provided zero opportunities for meeting people, given the (few) coworkers were all unavailable or unsuitable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/21 12:43 PM
41

Love to see it! (the realization dawning, not the parasitic scrotes) Writing stuff down has a powerful effect.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/21 12:14 PM
16

he left her covered in coal.. what a degenerate
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/21 07:12 PM
7

the real three date rule
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/21 11:38 AM
7

The way I see it, the scrote being unable to accept practical help without making it weird is very valuable info. So, I would say, keep doing that, if it makes people unmask. Now, regarding texting him first, yeah, I think it's better to sit with the uncomfortableness (that he created) than try to fix it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/21 11:24 AM
121

Good point. Aaaall these dating coaches that are saying "be feminine!", "leave it to him!", "don't have masculine energy!" would also say "don't ask him what he's planned, let him feel like a man!". No, I think I'll have my whatever-it-is energy and ask what the plan is if I feel like it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/21 11:18 AM
94

I loathe this. It comes out of nowhere! And it's opportunistic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/21 10:51 AM
11

He REFUSED to ever speak Spanish to me during the three years we dated. No reason except make sure I get no benefit? It's possible he was afraid you'd notice his grammar mistakes. What a loser.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 03:50 PM
23

I think (2) is a great strategy regardless of covid. Meeting somebody in person has a cost.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 03:03 PM
6

this is very evocative. Try coloring it, too
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 02:56 PM
7

Why did Che have to change that sentence? for the woke points! They want to say "it's acceptable for a woman to use male metaphors for herself". Non-binary people get a lot of validation out of this - it means they're good enough that masculine descriptors can apply to them.. I also noticed the writing in the funeral scene where Che was the one who gave the handerchief to the crying secretary. This was clearly done to show Che as the compassionate (feminine) but also at the same time keep-it-tog…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 10:43 AM
45

I also like these aesthetics. My reason has to do with internalized misogyny. I was taught from an early age that feminine things = bad. And also men's opinions = important. So my suppressed femininity was attracted to men who seemed to say (with the necessary importance and freedom from doubt conferred upon them for being male) that femininity = good (with their appearance and/or demeanor). This is not a game I want to be playing, anymore..
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/21 02:38 PM
3

Women with low esteem, lack of boundaries and too much empathy/ naivety is krpyonite to abusive men Instead of kryptonite (which would imply that empaths can weaken abusive men) you meant something like catnip/honey, right? I think strongly boundaried people are the kryptonite for narcissists. For example instead of doling out endless empathy to toxic people - they use their hyper vigilance as a way to prevent / predict danger That's a great point. I keep coming across fluffy articles about how,…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/21 02:24 PM
5

I am a bit like this too. I don't share this openly, I just avoid touching people (without telling them a reason). This post is more about the men who'd toot their own horn and expect to be treated as magical and special by others for having baseline functioning empathy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/21 02:06 PM
5

oh, if they're such empaths then do they also not watch p.rn? You know, because they empathize with the exploited women there ?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/21 02:01 PM
28

Over time when you see first hand how disastrously things work out when you don't enforce boundaries, that terror ultimately over-rides the fear of enforcing. And the fear of consequences for enforcing isn't unfounded. Hell hath no fury like men with personality disorders hearing the word "no." Amen! After years of disastrous people pleasing, I decided to put a stop to it. Initially I thought - wellll, I've been doing this to myself, really, my "friends" would surely respect my boundaries once I…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 11:40 AM
2

Yeah I guess most guys are not be willing to buy expensive gifts for women they see as placeholders. not consistently. During love bombing -> yes
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 01:40 PM
28

When Big tells her that he’s going to relocate to Paris and she offers to move there with him, he just shrugs and says, “I don’t want you to uproot your life and expect anything.” I, like Carrie, have been in that position. And like her, I didn't see it clearly for the kiss of death that it is. The kiss of death that says to stop trying. The show would've been good if it would've driven the point home that perseverance in the wrong place gets you nowhere, instead of giving an implausible happy e…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/21 12:03 PM
192

He wasn't short, and I found his looks appealing, this is why I agreed to meet him. But when he scurried like a squirrel to pay just for himself to something he had invited me to, he basically killed it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/21 11:36 PM
475

Last time was in the summer, where the guy invited me to a place where (unbeknownst to me) one had to pay to enter (on a Sunday). He scurried in front of me to get a ticket just for himself. He didn't offer me a drink or anything, just wanted to sit around and talk. At some point he said "how about dinner?" (but didn't know of a place) and as I opened my phone to do the "labour" of trying to find a place that would be open, my self-respect kicked in and I thought: - Why should I make the effort …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/21 09:52 PM
85

She's very close to getting it though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/21 09:12 PM
25

Same here! Haven't used any dating apps in 2021. I don't miss the no-content conversations, the lovebombing and the pretending that some stranger's texts are profound
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/21 03:33 PM
20

I think this is a sign of narcissism!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/21 12:28 PM
3

The interesting tell here is that he told her 'it's not you, it's stress". This is sus. Usually when people say, it' s not X, it's Y, it really is X! I have had guys tell me 'oh, I am not ghosting, I am just busy!' And then he 👻
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/21 11:26 AM
30

Well, he only admitted it after doing the shitty thing (burning the candle). But at least he came clean, that gave her clarity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/21 09:05 PM
20

Right, it's shit. The guy who is in it to get his rocks off doesn't care about facilitating the completion of any trauma circle whatsoever.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/21 03:55 PM
44

Making up for shyness or incompetence is wasted labour on adults
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/21 03:44 PM
8

Hi! You can try Alice Miller's Drama of The Gifted Child. It is not exactly what you asked, but I find it more widely applicable (ymmv, I might be biased coming from a western background..) . Alice Miller was a pioneer in advocating that a child is worthy of Respect. She draws her examples from history and has analyses of the lives of famous people in her other book here:https://www.amazon.com/Your-Own-Good-Child-Rearing-Violence/dp/0374522693
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/21 12:48 PM
16

I have similar experiences. Neglectful and hostile environment at home, and then compounded damage by walking into relationships with people who didn't care about me at all. For all their faults, my parents at least cared, but the situations they groomed me for were full of misery.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/21 12:31 PM
7

I am so sorry this happened to you. :((
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/21 12:28 PM
48

No. Children out of bad relationships will have their own problems, too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/21 06:17 PM
21

Well, sometimes people need to hear it. Do you prefer they post in other subs and get told to cOmMunIcaTe?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 08:48 PM
46

Looks like he is a golddigger. He understood that your family has money, and is waiting for you to buy his plane ticket because he doesn't wanna spend money. 🤡
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 06:55 PM
17

Some more insidious ones: If I am not 'inspiring' the avoidant manchild du jour to commit to me, there is something wrong with me Underestimating how opportunistic men are Overestimating the number of men who can act as protectors Treating sex as an act where I deluded myself I was getting love and approval, and then be confused and shaken when the behavior outside the bedroom was not consistent with that fantasy Thinking I am in love with somebody when either: - I want their approval - I want t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/21 09:23 AM
387

If I get butterflies around somebody it means we are meant to be and that I should chase them until they see it too 🤡 I need to work harder when somebody pulls away
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 10:59 PM
33

Lady Gaga said it best: https://c.tenor.com/g8GM3CquxyoAAAAC/its-time-to-take-out-the-trash-patrizia-reggiani.gif
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/21 07:48 PM
35

Feeling suicidal because he is not fulfilling the redpill destiny of having a virgin 🤡
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/21 01:42 PM
47

I can be the woman who helps him become the man he could be This is Disney stuff. In reality: Being a coach is a job, best done by people with professional training, the necessary detachment, the necessary payment and the initiation on the part of the person who wants to improve themselves.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/21 01:37 PM
13

We saved so much time at work doing video screenings. Ended up inviting a couple of people to get to know better, one was a star that everybody liked and they got hired, and the other showed some narc tendencies in person so was eliminated. But still, 50% success. I shudder to think of the time wasted if I had seen all 20 people in person. Also, maybe I would have been so tired that I would have missed the covert narc! /maybe the narc would look better in comparison to 18 worse candidates.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/21 10:35 AM
20

how about the abuser takes responsibility for employing trickery? I've seen comments like this (also from disgusting women who were all "i am just giving you ~tough love~") when I posted about how I was tricked.. Welcome to the sub.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/21 10:50 PM
1

hey, the letter did some good in this world
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/21 10:14 PM
32

Note that he's low-key (or high-key) choking her in all the sex scenes. :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/21 09:26 PM
5

sounds like the latter, honestly
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/21 11:57 AM
7

Hm, I can think of some corners of the internet where fan fiction is being written by women involving fictional gay men suffering (but usually rescued after the torture pron). When i was less healthy I used to enjoy reading this. I really doubt the kneejerk commenter was referring to that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/21 03:00 PM
17

Eww disgusting bait and switch! I hate handmaidens who do the manipulational labour on behalf of men, too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/21 11:22 AM
12

Your response was so eloquent and not paragraphy in comparison (because he wrote so much himself) Congrats for realizing his shitty game and putting into words.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/21 09:08 AM
25

Preach
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 11:58 AM
21

Her story can be thought of as the story of the person who stopped focusing on being picked and started appreciating the people who show her that she matters. I am less convinced about the whole 'make him feel like a man' thing, but ok. In my ongoing journey, I have dropped so-so many friends who were funny and interesting in conversations , but couldn't make plans in advance and made me walk in heels / in the cold because they wanted to check out yet another bar. My picker is first: Does this p…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 11:54 AM
9

This reminds me of a meaningless exchange from OLD. Fboy: What are you looking for on here? Me: It says in my profile, I'm looking for a relationship (post-FDS I realize shouldn't have responded to that first message, nothing good comes from people who don't read) Fboy: Ah okay, I'm looking for fun ... crickets ... Fboy: What about fun?? ... two days later ... Fboy: ???
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 12:46 AM
38

The sudden bouts of anger and sadness are not directed at you.. YET. But the situation doesn't feel safe to me. Sooner or later you will be on the receiving end.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/21 05:54 PM
10

Precisely. They want to ensure they perpetuate muh legacy. Chill dude, your genes ain't that special.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/21 04:37 PM
17

Ah yes, because unmanicured nails are what is stopping him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/21 06:49 PM
3

Well spotted!! Somehow narcs really need to add in those confusing lies to add INSULT to injury. Just say you don't want a relationship/changed your mind, and accept that it's going to hurt me. That sucks, but it is at least clear. To reject somebody and also try to come off as being the moral one("i am doing it because my honesty and my morals compel me to do the right thing 🤡" ) is such an awful move. I have seen this in the wild (what you spotted for this post). The morals are there when they…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/21 06:11 PM
12

🤣🤣 This is such a great interpretation of casadilla. I personally would prefer to live in a cake if I could. Imagine saying this to the guy who wrote casadilla on his OLD profile, and being met with absolute confusion.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 06:58 PM
39

What I meant is that 8 and 6 cannot coexist in a normal brain. Either you are overly positive bordering on toxic positivity (8) or you are cautious and pessimistic and a downer. (6) if somebody manages to be both simultaneously it is a massive shitshow 🤡🤡🤡
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 06:33 PM
162

(6) gives me the chills. Is this the mark of the narc, to get close to you, learn your ambitions and try to squash them? Isn't it important to keep a positive attitude as he said in (8) and believe you can make the promotion? Which one is it, you soulless narc? Astounding how their words have no consistency.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 06:17 PM
100

After i did an honest inventory of the financial loss and emotional drainage of being involved in situationshits and chasing male approval, i am going to use my remaining good years to fulfill my personal potential. Sorry men, you had your chance. There was a period of some years where I intentionally pared down my ambition in order to have a quiet life, where I was eager to do stuff for people. All I got for it was draining relationships and friendships. I regret slowing down my career for an i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 06:06 PM
31

Lol @ the 👍 exchange. Mirroring their energy 💅
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 02:52 PM
17

Thanks for your answer. It reasonated.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 02:45 PM
104

I have come to the same conclusion. Also for friends - if I realize they are dragging their feet, I cancel, to put everyone out of their misery. I have journaled/thought about why in thr past I would hold out hope that somebody who has been silent could still reach out last minute, even though enough time has passed to make me feel unsettled. My reason is that I had inconsistent caretakers, who would for example, be late at picking me up for school but eventually do so. So I am used to sitting a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 10:26 AM
30

Recent acquaintance was all like "omg i am in your city! We should totally do something". Then proceeded to text me on two different days*: I am at this bar now! Can you come!? The first time I was like, I can come in 4 hours after I finish my regular 9to5 work. And he said that he had plans in 4 hours. So, 🧐he was in fact able to plan in advance with others. Don't give the benefit of the doubt for SPoNtAnEOuS men. there will not be a third because i blocked and deleted
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/21 02:44 PM
18

If you get this message on OLD, block and delete. I have received my fair share 🤮 of crotch-and-leg* pictures in various settings (from nice beach to crumply scrotaceous sheets) accompanied with 'wish you were there'. The sign of the fvckboi. Deflecting and changing the subject upon receipt, lets them know you are for sure dtf and they don't need to make an effort. /* they were clothed, but showing the landscape or room from crotch eye view
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/21 10:22 AM
2

Self-care for me taking the time to go deeper into things/listening to myself/not taking on more than my fair share. Examples: I have a niggling thought that comes up several times? I journal about it to explore it. I get the feeling that some friend is being distant? I don't reach out in an attempt to "fix it". I notice that I tend to go on FDS when I'm feeling stressed and doom scroll? I take a break for a few days
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/21 11:37 AM
8

lol the same bullshit as with the Mafia having a moral code and what not. No, they're just rotten people. Sometimes they let some people live because it's convenient.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/21 10:56 AM
13

They also don't necessarily want to be needed for sex. Show that you enjoy the sex as a person of agency and not a pornsick fantasy, and suddently they don't want to have it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/21 10:43 AM
16

Blergh
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/21 02:24 PM
15

Exactly. I realized quite early on that men do not inconvenience themselves/value the fact that a woman inconveniences herself for their pleasure. Why should I?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/21 12:41 PM
72

They do it on purpose in an attempt to diminish her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/21 12:20 PM
57

I do not. Even if I am in love with the guy, I do not get the urge. The move is not in my repertoire. I don't care about receiving, I enjoy the sensation but it is also weird in some way. I think I prefer a bodily alignment which is symmetrical, otherwise the position feels wrong. There are other things I like to do to give pleasure to my partner, and where I can actually see the effect on their face because I literally have a different vantage point than if I was aligned face-to-crotch.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/21 12:17 PM
31

Genious idea. The vivid scenario sticks!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/21 07:43 AM
24

I journalled about our interactions and how I felt. It took a lot of time to question the default thought "Oh, I must have MADE him say/do these things". After being on FDS for some time, and also taking action to cut off friends at the first sign of disrespect, I'm internalizing the message that my first reaction of anger towards disrespect is correct, I have the power to act on it, so, thinking about whether I magically made somebody be disrespectful doesn't even come up. It's when the anger r…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/21 04:42 PM
181

I mean, Lestat was the ultimate NVM for Louis. He found him when Louis was at a low point, literally sucked the life out of him, got his house and property burned to the ground, sabotaged his attempts to leave and just never ever left Louis in peace. I used to think Lestat is hot. cringes in pickme ghost.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/21 05:14 PM
40

I see it now. In the moment I was weirded out/got a sinking feeling that I'm being attacked but then squashed it thinking "well, people don't have to tell you what you want to hear". Then, I called a friend to talk about it. She did the whole thing of trying to see it from his POV instead of calling out the blatant disrespect. She's not exactly a pickmeisha, this one, but welp, not telling her anything related to relationships again, I think, I cannot trust her perspective. I am working hard on …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/21 01:11 PM
6

I've also been grappling with feelings like this for some experiences, where the guy was short and weak and not very smart, and yet still managed to instill dread / other bad feelings in me and get his way sexually. I am at a decent state in the process of forgiving myself. My error is that I wanted love so much, I was willing to ignore my body / inner child who wanted to get out of the situation. I am getting more in touch with my core wishes and boundaries every day. Also, society places a ver…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/21 12:11 PM
184

*Raises hand* My most recent ex would play the supportive boyfriend when we were with others, but act like a snake in private. I am trying to change my living situation because of some problems in my apartment and I'm looking for a new one. My ex was initially supportive, but when we were alone, the mask slipped, and he said that it's only fair that I get to have my share of difficulties with housing, because things have gone smoothly for me so far. I did the thing (briefly) where I was blindsid…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/21 11:26 AM
3

-A tale of scrotacitys I see you for this magnificent pun.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/21 11:02 AM
109

A scrote wrote this to pile on The Wall narrative.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/21 06:50 PM
19

When I finally got outside he’s like ‘so am I going to see you again?’ , asks if I want to proceed to a rooftop bar so that we can split the bill at the roof bar as well? no thx
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/21 05:45 PM
18

Yeah, even that bit is iffy. When you've planned a date with somebody, you want to focus on them, not squeeze them in with other plans.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/21 05:41 PM
25

Yes, men are not taught to value the labour of women. They just grow up with their mom doing it in the background. I have had even a gay friend expect emotional/cleaning labour from me. And it took him a long time to realise that keeping a space neat is work. (And now he's obsessed with cleanliness but that's another story, lol)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/21 10:53 AM
3

Given that I'm still uncovering shittiness and psychopathy in every little thing he said.. How he'd just say whatever made it "MY FAULT" in one moment and whatever made him a well-meaning but flawed guy the next (with no consistency between what he said whatsoever), I am thinking he was some kind of chaotic demon, desperate to protect the emptiness within by lashing out, but without having the internal structure of a human being. A narc? Yea he probably was. Thanks for reading and for validating…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/21 10:29 AM
31

Let me help repair any broken pieces of your heart 🤣🤣 Not today Satan. As if I'm going to tell you my hurts.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/21 09:08 AM
2

the pervocracy had some good posts. I sometimes wonder what happened to the person writing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/21 08:41 AM
17

Yeah. With my last ex, I strangely broke down into a spiral that the windows were not clean enough and it is affecting my mood in my apartment. I felt like crying because I couldn't be perfect, exactly as listed in your comment. After we broke up, the fog cleared and I was like, why the fvck I cared about the windows? The thing affecting my mood was the judgemental scrote seething within. And in hindsight, he had made some digs about my cleaning, because he was desperate to find something wrong …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/21 07:54 AM
11

Take a day off and go to the spa during the day when there's less people and let the running water work its magic on your body.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/21 09:38 AM
1

That is a cool aesthetic
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/21 04:34 PM
5

It is very telling when you feel relief or/and more "like yourself" when you happen to nkt see him for a bit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/21 04:06 PM
10

Yeah exactly, why would one meet low effort insults with high effort, intelligent responses? This post is absolutely consistent with the matching the energy you receive principle.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/21 04:43 AM
19

Please, no gaslighting about giving men the benefit of the doubt.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/21 08:37 PM
14

House full of lesbians is #goals
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/21 04:25 PM
23

Visit a new town/village, go around its streets, stop at a cafe and/or a restaurant that looks appealing, dip my feet in the river, take photos.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/21 05:32 PM
39

gay men can still be emotional labour diggers or even sex diggers if they are bicurious enough
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/21 01:41 PM
7

I think the reason they hate us for trying is that deep down they want to be the ones that fix their own problems. And you trying to fix them just lets them experience again how much they have failed to do that for themselves. And then, in typical 🤡 fashion, they project their self hatred onto you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/09/21 07:50 AM
14

It is heartbreaking that, no matter how much you give, when a seks neeeeed of theirs comes up, suddenly the non sexual benefits you have given them count for nothing. I am furious that nobody told me this about men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/09/21 07:44 AM
6

They are actively filtering out people, attracting only the pickmes. Then they can invest this low effort into the preselected pickmes. They could not afford to invest even this low effort on multiple harder targets.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/21 10:53 AM
5

I noticed it in my last couple relationships too. Need to keep a spreadsheet or a graph of effort over time because otherwise it is so insidious. Interesting you mentioned that he would say 'i had a nice italian dinner'. They would say stuff like that and my pickme heart would flutter and I would start thinking that if I play my cards right in my response to their msg, they would ask me out on another date to check out the place together. And then blame myself when they wouldn't.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/21 10:44 AM
8

Also don't share your career plans with a man you are still vetting. If you are interviewing/studying to get new skills, keep it to yourself and don't tell him the dates/details. If he is a LVM he may try to sabotage your level up plans.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/21 07:20 AM
23

I was cured from my latest crush by having my FDS senses on. I helped my crush with something (a practical thing) and I noticed that as soon as he had taken the benefit from me, he stopped engaging with me. Old pickme self would be trapped in the "so-close" thinking the OP mentioned, and she would be thinking that if I had said the right thing, he would have remained engaged with me for longer. Now my FDS training kicked in, and I see him as somebody who is rude and a user, and the tragedy of th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/21 02:57 PM
51

In my latest relationship, I was initially pulling back in the beginning, but the lovebombing worked and I started relaxing and putting some more effort, only for the guy to pull back and do a discard and then blame me for not noticing that he had decreased his effort.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/21 10:15 PM
32

You're right! There is no downside to being a prude, that's why men had to engineer this shaming tactic to create a downside.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/21 11:32 AM
76

Men asking for stuff for free again, and getting pissed when they're not getting it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 01:52 PM
38

I noticed you made great efforts to limit the scrotacity: I try to play it cool and redirect the subject I try to change the subject I like to take things slow I prefer to be in committed relationships before things get sexual This reminded me of my attempts to appeasingly "smile" and try to keep conversations away from sex topics/pressure while talking with guys on OLD. Sharing in case it's useful to you or other readers: In my case , this, is a trauma response from growing up in a f*cked up fa…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/21 10:12 AM
19

That's a good idea for me personally. I've wasted my time before with people who were too low-effort or too uninterested or too depressed or too unable to not go out drinking the night before. So somebody who can show up for breakfast has already cleared a meaningful bar.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/21 09:43 AM
1

yuanfen thanks for sharing, this is a fresh perspective.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/21 08:33 AM
72

relationship/friendship -> you all know this means situationshit
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 03:38 PM
48

"hopes that I’m okay with him taking a breather" ok so he wants you to wait for him to get his shit together, and give up on other options you have just because he asked you to how about no
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/21 08:33 AM
70

So called-out by this comment. My "high" sex drive has been my body crying for emotional acceptance. After realizing this and also after having enough data to once and for all realize that hookups aren't worth the risk, my body is behaving much smoother and only shows some mild urges around ovulation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/21 08:01 PM
8

lol tell your former boss you're charging for your time as a consultant, and he can take it or leave it. I know ppl who legit this when asked to work past their leaving date.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/21 07:54 PM
42

The reason men can afford to have simple standards for women (if and that's a big if, if they actually do) is that any average looking woman is likely to be a net positive for a man to be in a relationship with. It's not the same with men, most of them substract from a woman's life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/21 10:15 AM
15

I think it's the programming that has been drilled into our heads since birth, that hobbies and interests, or the fruits of hard work are less important than the ultimate boon, a good relationship with a man ! So when your brain sees that there is a small likelihood of the ultimate goal being achieved, it's like "OK great -> now I will direct all the energy there". I see two things that can be done: Override the programming through sheer will power. Ok brain, you want to obsess about some dude? …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/21 01:56 PM
3

My insecurities will become your problems -> I feel called out ;_; This has been the theme of my relationships.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/21 01:24 PM
2

When I was younger I sadly did both pickmeisha shit you describe. I intentionally tried to ice out a friend of mine because I was getting vibes that the LVM-extraordinaire* of the friend group was willing to give her crumbs of attention (like he was doing to me), so I wasn't about to have any of that <:O). I have since apologized to her. I also had the inspiration to pseudo-hit on women or just start talking to them non-stop when I smelled that they were getting male attention. I was doing it to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/21 01:41 PM
39

Very interesting. Immediately the guy on the right put me off, he has this bored look on his face, like "entertain me", while the left one looks like.. he would help out around the house. It's wild how instant the gut feeling reaction is, and how it can vary so much.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/21 10:41 AM
20

One thing that has helped me break patterns is being mindful of the triggers. Pickmeisha-ism comes out when I'm anxious that somebody is going to leave me or when I feel upstaged/underappreciated. Run-of-the-mill fear of abandonment. What can give me hope is when I manage to act in a calm way without pickmeisha behavior with friends and at work, under stressful situations. On the flipside, when I see myself overreaching, overcompensating, forgetting the golden rules if-they-wanted-do-they-would …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 04:57 PM
3

The reason I still use meetup is because I actually like the activities. I select very specific things. It's always worth it to ask: who would go to this meetup? And: what is the cost of attending this meetup? Say there's an activity: "Let's all go for drinks under the July sun" with 40 people attending. This already tells me: - Going for drinks under the July sun is a fun activity, to do with existing friends. The people who'd go to do this with 40 random people may have no friends, and there m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 01:45 PM
10

He even told me before that he started falling in love with me. This is clown behavior on his part. He wants to say whatever he wants (so, express himself in a lovey-dovey way just because he felt like it at the moment OR because he wanted something from you) and have no expectation to.. act like somebody who's falling in love with you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 12:20 PM
3

Basically, I would project every quality I wanted in a partner on any slightly attractive man that showed interest. This is a big one. We do this, and we also project qualities we want for ourselves on random men. One reason for this may be that we've been disincentivized to cultivate the qualities in ourselves and taught we have to "catch a man" to have access to them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 12:08 PM
6

I've seen this too, men getting angry if I am accepting of one of their flaws. In some cases, it might have been that my acceptance was disingenuous, a pick-me thing where I felt like I had to coddle them "because men's ego needs to be catered to". In other cases, I really didn't care about the "flaw". Same result - my acceptance does nothing to help their insecurity, and I lose value in their eyes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/21 10:28 AM
2

Forgiveness is a scam!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/21 10:11 AM
167

Beware of people who see everything as a contest. They will not be happy with your success, even if, being with somebody successful means you get to share in the nice things.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 10:54 AM
4

I've only seen this word used by slimey British recruiters.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 08:35 AM
23

He even gleefully recounts how her stomach growled and she suffered. He is enjoying this power he has.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/21 08:41 AM
76

I mean, some of them can't even spell charcuterie.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/06/21 09:00 AM
14

How has FLS made you become more feminine? I would expect that being focused on goals is a masculine quality, which serves women in business and career, but less so in relationships? Or perhaps there is a way to be focused without "chasing" - I really don't know right now. I am interested to hear your perspective, the topic is muddled in my head.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/06/21 11:48 AM
4

While Freud was in the end a simp(sic) for abusers, Alice Miller is the pioneer of calling childhood abuse what it is, giving children a voice and calling out Freud for his shitty switcheroo.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/06/21 11:45 AM
37

He used to also date women, alas not anymore.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/21 08:57 PM
58

Yes, this tactic is begging the target to promise to behave well. Somehow women feel obligated to keep their promises (even the ones they made under manipulation/duress) whereas men just made promises to get the outcome they want in the moment, without meaning to keep them and feeling no pressure to do so!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/21 09:50 AM
8

Stop watching it if you haven't already. It will take months/years for your fantasies to reset and include wholesome things.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/21 05:27 PM
24

I also sense this shift in myself - I feel genuine irritation and low-grade disgust when somebody proves to be thoughtless. Not extending effort myself after that or bailing feels very natural when I'm in an irritated/disgusted state, as opposed to stressed and hopeful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/21 01:02 PM
2

I think for me, the narrative is: I want somebody who likes avant-garde aesthetics and thinks of the world in a vivid and unusual way and likes to go deep into things. And then he meets me and he's intrigued by me because I also have depth! Yay. So I want the brooding scientist-aesthete who deems me as worthy of his attention that normally would go for his work or hobbies. Not sure where exactly it is coming from. It is true I have never been particularly bothered by LVM who are f*ckbois because…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/21 12:58 PM
15

Anybody who even dares to sheepishly suggest to meet after 10 pm is not worth engaging with.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/21 12:34 PM
268

This is very fair of you to clarify and in line with FDS principles of not doing emotional labour that is not yours to do. Ie, consoling women who feel desperate/hopeless about dating is something that is NOT this sub's responsibility and would dilute its goals. Subs cannot be everything to all people.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/21 08:50 PM
14

I may make a post about this topic when I get my thoughts straight. Basically yes, the problem is when the behavior becomes slightly worse gradually over time, then you get boiled like the frog in the proverb. Keeping data would enable you to see the progressive degradation even if somebody's behavior seems like it doesn't change much between days. Another thing is to continuously do a cost/risk/benefit analysis of the relationship (because what seemed like a good deal during lovebombing or init…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/21 03:19 PM
10

Honestly i would count this as a win. You only spent one hour with him, you became aware of the clownery immediately and you also kept your boundaries (not letting him drive you home). Chalk it up to experience. After your vivid description of his face, i feel compelled to go do a pore declogging mask 😑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 09:33 AM
10

I really like this post. Some more positivity in this sub is welcome. 💕
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 09:04 AM
6

For 3 I would add that if when you do text him after the hours have passed, and then he takes days to reply, it means that he's not actually valuing your consistent communication (ie, you said you'd take 10 hours to text back and you did text back within that time frame), but instead trying to punish you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/21 12:08 PM
21

Wow - the narc wants you to feel about yourself the same way they feel about themselves! They want to spread the badness. They will lose their shit and sabotage you whenever you're close to success. Straight from the horse's mouth.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/21 11:59 AM
13

Give them some time to marinate. Some of them will be back for good. 😈
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/21 01:44 PM
7

Nastygram 🤣😂🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/21 01:20 PM
2

Only the reassurance is fake. The "primary" woman partner, if she is an active participant in the poly stuff, will work together with the man to try and break your boundaries down. She doesn't care about you, and is probably bulldozing over her own boundaries blissfully unaware, there isn't a snowball's chance in hell that she would be a supportive influence or that the fact that she puts up with the man means the man is good.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/21 12:43 PM
13

Consider writing a thesis. Your explanation is eloquent af 👌
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/21 01:36 PM
14

You are doing more than okay! 💕
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/21 01:31 PM
19

I dropped male friends for this. Disregarding the fact that i was cold and in heels, just to go check out an additional bar with 'better music'
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/21 11:29 AM
17

Came in to say the same thing. The stuff you want other people to do for you is not a boundary. 🤦‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/21 11:10 AM
3

I like the sound of this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/21 10:51 AM
26

This is peak late stage capitalism ☠️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/21 01:56 PM
2

Personally, when I'm having a conversation with a promising prospect and he unmatches, I generally don't feel very bad anymore. Like sure, the guy unmatched because I didn't fawn over some boring detail or didn't agree to a house date. At least he knows when to fold. Unless I was already trying to squeeze myself into what I think he would like or to make it sound like I'm up for casual or that his low effort sounds exciting or 'haha' the red flags away. Then I feel bad because I betrayed/abandon…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/21 11:03 AM
15

Two variations to give us our agency back - What he's offering is not right for me - I don't want what he's offering
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/21 09:44 AM
14

In my experience it's been what the OP says. To "elevate" anyone: - They need to want to be elevated - They need a basic good level of stability - You need to know how to coach and motivate, ie, be a professional - You also need to have some distance from the person (if their non elevated status of having a nest on the floor affects you, then setting an improvement plan for acquiring a bed frame may or may not work, but you'll be sleeping in the nest in the meantime). So again, you need to have …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/21 09:25 AM
16

Polish-Swiss psychologist Alice Miller was the person who took childhood abuse seriously and criticized Freud for his switcheroo. I highly recommend her book "For your own good" for the CSA themes and 'the drama of the gifted child' as her most poignant and succinct work (small book that packs a punch about the roots of people pleasing/fawning)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/21 10:54 PM
3

It sounds manic. The positive emotions he is trying to elicit are based on nothing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/21 03:21 PM
15

Same! Not satisfying and potentially dangerous!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/21 01:56 PM
50

He is the right person to have around in a bad situation because he is sarcastic? Not my jam. I never want sarcasm, much less if I am under stress.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/21 10:41 AM
4

Men and women alike it seems rarely read the profile or read it but.. are not smart enough to process the info it contains? I met only one woman from Bumble BFF, and sure enough, she was the only one who commented on something I had written.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/21 08:43 AM
4

Same. See my comment above. Some issues with OLD are not gender specific. It is just with women you get just the low effort, without the insults and the danger.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/21 08:36 AM
79

I had a decent experience on bumble bff, I met one kind woman once, and then gradually drifted apart since we didn't have that much in common. I think of it as a less abusive version of OLD. Without random sexual requests, blatant negging and extreme pushiness to worry about, I can train my discernment muscle to see who is worth my time. And yep, women can do the ghost-and-reappear thing too. Or ghost on the day one is supposed to meet. Or push too much for meeting. Or reveal wildly incompatible…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/21 04:29 PM
68

So far I have only met LVM from meetup.com, and women who were not interested in friendship. This is fine, but, with this historical data, it only makes sense for me to go to an event if I am really really interested in the topic. I especially dislike the free-for-all lets-have-drinks-with-40-random-people events. For some reason I still go occasionally 🤡 And then feel drained the next day. I think these things work better for extroverts, ie, on my misguided attempts to join these, I have seen p…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/21 02:24 PM
7

The way I see it, polyamory is like having multiple part-time job contracts that can be cancelled at any time. Some people thrive on this, and can genuinely grow by context switching between different things. In the general case however, having a permanent job is what gives most people the right basis so that they can grow and advance their career. And workers fought for having these conditions, the last 100-200 years. To insist that getting rid of protections and throwing the responsibility bac…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/21 09:49 AM
19

🤗🤗🤗
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 08:04 PM
26

I think i shall make it a habit as well, to get fresh flowers a couple times a month. They look great, they smell great and i am also covinced they soak up bad vibes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 05:48 PM
22

I really liked him when he was a young androgynous beautie, but I am amenable to his current, buffer appearance 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 03:33 PM
23

Like programming.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/21 10:55 AM
59

Can fucking confirm.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/21 09:49 PM
3

Moving countries for a guy who had already told me twice he doesn't see me seriously, and taking a job similar to his in the new country (to.. feel closer to him!?) 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡 x infinity Having to quit both the new country and the job after he got together with someone he actually liked, derailing my life for 1-2 years.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 10:53 AM
3

My last crush was someone who has qualities I want to have. FDS helped me refrain from texting him (I internalised the 'if he wanted to, he would' mantra.) After months of not initiating contact, I can now see clearly that a) he isn't interested in me and that's ok b) i am happy he was in my life because he showed me these good qualities which i can cultivate in myself
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 09:24 PM
49

A man wrote this to instill dread. Give aways: The use of the word females and the specific 35 age cutoff were aging men become magically attractive to teens 🤣🤣🤣 also the projection about becoming gross as one ages in their 20s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/21 12:56 PM
5

I am not an easy man / Je suis pas un homme facil
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/21 03:59 PM
8

This is a great guide and radical! You won't get this advice anywhere else. Locking myself in the bathroom to avoid muh blue balls dude is a viable last resort strategy. I wish I had it in my arsenal before! If I may add something about the mindset required to get out in the middle of sex: What men may outright say is that they deserve to come because they made some (possibly pitiful but still some) effort to get YOU off as foreplay or whatever. They also may look at you in an angry way, like, h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/21 01:27 PM
189

The oddly reflexive desire to be good/be seen as nice. You hit the nail on the head. What a perfect description. It has to do i think (in my case) with an entire childhood of poor boundaries where my parents forced me to over identify with them, so that their happiness (if they are proud of me) would be my happiness and their sadness (if I dont behave as they want) would be my sadness too. Growing up enmeshed and with poor boundaries makes this a thing, that I misperceive other people's desires …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/21 11:35 AM
6

There is a subreddit InternalFamilySystems. Good luck on your healing journey!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/21 11:52 AM
22

Damn it, I also struggle with self forgiveness and self trust. Sometimes I pose the question to myself "what would it take for (the part that doesn't trust me/forgive me) for you to trust me/forgive me? One of the answers I get is that I need to prove that I can handle lower stakes situations without abandoning myself before even thinking of engaging with dating and the world of possible violations that come with it. At the same time, the amount of self recrimination that these untrusting parts …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/21 11:12 AM
6

You are welcome! And the charcuterie looks amazing, inspires me to up my charcuterie game 😊
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/21 06:12 PM
31

Doesn't sound like it was a match, he did not show up in an attractive way for you. Genuine question - when he said basically, "i am going on a hike, lazying on the couch, not doing much" and you responded "sounds like a nice day, enjoy :)", did you really mean it? Does this really sound like a nice hvm day? I would have probably sent a thumbs up emoji (just to acknowledge that I read the message, and have nothing to comment further)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/21 05:50 PM
4

Another classic tactic, the bait-and-switch: agreeing to come to you for a group hang, then (getting the hornies?) and trying to get you to drive to his, as a free prostitute.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 12:35 PM
30

I think she meant the character in American Psycho
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/21 02:01 PM
23

He is partially aware that it is his own issue that he gets attached and clingy, but not enough to take correct steps. 🤔🤷‍♀️ Probably these women can tell that if they say yes to the internship/whatever, he will consider them indebted to him for life (owing him validation? Late night heart to hearts? Unclear). So they nope the f out
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/21 01:55 PM
6

Even the first sentence he wrote you is a 🚩.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/21 12:15 PM
1

Would you share some lf your OLD convo techniques for us?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/21 09:02 PM
51

I think in my case, the times where I felt the need to overexplain were when I wasn't sure I could stick to enforcing consequences for boundary crossing, ie you do the thing I don't want, I walk away. So I tried to explain and coddle people to increase the likelihood that they will understand it is important to me so they won't cross my boundary again, will still like me etc and won't leave me. But it was ultimately coming from a position of weakness - - I wasn't willing to walk away on disrespe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/21 10:24 AM
2

I can relate. I grew up feeling heavily obligated to respond appeasingly to the requests of family, teachers and even strangers.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/21 05:05 PM
2

Obligation to do what, for example?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/21 12:00 PM
22

That's a great idea 💡
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/21 12:12 AM
4

Yes! And the pickmeisha's assertion that this makes you look butthurt is false. It makes you look.. so over the guy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 10:06 AM
26

I remember I asked a bf to vocalise more and he did not want to do it/did not take the request seriously. Ok that's fine (a bit weird to do a silent orgasm everytime but ok) . Why would I exaggerate my sounds then?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 09:30 AM
105

Mods - Can we do a ring thread or something?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/21 04:27 PM
1

Seconding the comment about Dale Carnegie's book. Maybe his advice is more applicable when men try to win over other men .. (even that is doubtful) or as a sales tactic. But yeah.. When I read this book at a formative age, the message was, suppress your personality and opinions in favor of talking about the other person's interests. Sit through hours of people mansplaining you stuff (stuff you either don't care about or that you already know!) This is no way to start a genuine friendship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/21 11:31 AM
26

Your first question is such a good litmus test 🙏
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/21 11:14 AM
11

I mean, it probably means he is not pornsick. Good!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/21 08:55 PM
54

I get turned off just reading this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/21 08:44 PM
2

Thx for sharing
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/21 05:06 PM
2

When you say locomotor skills, what do you mean exactly? I would love to hear some examples.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/21 04:39 PM
6

I don't have a meaningful comment for the discussion, just wanted to say I am very impressed by your analysis (even meta analysis at this point) The intellectual rigor and honesty with which you approach and level a respectful challenge to an 'FDS-approved principle' is inspiring. I really like the thoughtful discussion in this sub.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/21 04:25 PM
11

Yes! Lying, walking away, silence are good techniques for defense. Men have been using them for defense and offense since the dawn of time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/21 03:33 PM
14

This makes sense. It is a valid boundary to have.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/21 03:02 PM
18

It does work if they have power over you. Luckily they don't have as much power as they think they do, and women are waking up and learning to concede nothing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/21 03:45 PM
9

Even though there was an actual prince who did not need any reforming and wanted her as she was!! Gurl, wtf. The high from 'turning' a bad boy is just incomparable I guess!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 12:07 PM
14

So I managed to start being able to come without thinking of porny scenarios more than a year after I quit porn. I didn't think it would take so long. I think it is possible to condition your body to have a different response. So some ideas that can help: Time will make porny scenarios lose some of their intensity. I still remember stuff from porn videos, but it feels disgusting and/or unsuitable for masturbation now If you are trying to masturbate and your mind keeps going to porn - - do not fi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 11:53 AM
12

I almost feel for him. Well, almost, because I doubt he will get better or would be willing to feel for us. Back when I was watching porn (1.5 years ago since I quit cold turkey) I did notice that the energy while watching porn and when I am with a partner is completely different (even though I would be aroused in both cases). I noticed this disconnect between, quite frankly, sadistically watching the degradation of other women, while wanting something wholesome for myself. So this is why I stop…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 11:39 AM
1

Twerking on you 🤮🤮🤮 Push her off if she tries it again. Yes, she will probably call you names, but you have the right to personal space. Yes sis, I am a prude/whatever you say. Still get the f*ck off me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 02:13 PM
8

I don't think trauma even works this way. No matter how saintly the woman that loves you is, the trauma from being neglected by your father needs internal work to resolve.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 01:54 PM
5

He was a beauty. Handsome and not aggressive, no wonder women swooned! :P
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 01:52 PM
6

It is never true irl. If somebody acts like they don't care, it is because they don't! There is never a complicated reason!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 01:50 PM
13

To protect yourself in the future, do not be the one who asks to reschedule or who reaches out first. If he wanted to he would. And if he hasn't got in touch within a week (some queens may say even less) then block and delete.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 01:42 PM
34

Yes, happened to me. He was whining a lot. After I did it, he started pointing out ways to improve my technique or just mentioning it all the time. Like we would be watching a film where it was implied that two gay guys were doing that and he was like 'here, be like this guy!'. So in hindsight the fact that I did it emboldened him to push me more, instead of being happy he got the thing he was whining about. After the movie I told him it is gross and I will never do it again and he dumped me. I …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 01:29 PM
11

What an inspiration 😍😍😍
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 07:25 PM
41

Thanks for the warning! I am glad you managed to get out. Consider editing the post (changing names of countries and other details) if you haven't done so already so that he wouldn't recognize you if he stumbled upon the post here. This guy seems like a nasty piece of work.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 06:24 PM
5

Uhh, sorry sis, but you are writing paragraphs to randos. :/ block and delete is easier
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 05:43 PM
50

I am interested in your findings about how to behave like a man, in your profession. You are spot on. As i cull my pickme tendencies, I also have new energy to put forward my ideas at work.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 10:34 PM
45

Funny how they get enraged when bodily fluid get on them by accident(which was caused by them) , but have no problem watching disgusting things being done to women in porn!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 08:44 PM
14

Reminds me of my peak pickme days 😥😔
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 01:33 PM
46

I also used to think that be being agreeable in the beginning, I get credit to get my own way later (which is kinda manipulative of me, as it is a covert contract). What actually happens is that I just further entrench a pattern of not speaking up about my preferences in the relationship that will only get worse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 12:18 PM
5

Yes! Otherwise (without a beat for reflection and for looking at options) the default, ingrained response is what you do. I have found that weed or psychedelics can help me experience this pause for a few beats, and make it easier to remember to do so in sober life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 11:59 AM
16

Her time is too valuable to spend it cleaning, or posting on reddit about the toxic pickme-scrote duo. It is baffling. And if they say that, then it is obviously not about the cleaning at all. In all other situations (say flatmates who don't want to clean) hiring a cleaner is of course a solution because it addresses the cleanliness problem.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 05:58 PM
18

Also pickme support (his awful mother)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 05:18 PM
18

Most definitely. Can tell from the fact that they take some time to reply to their own 'so you DTF?' reachouts and do not actually want to converse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/20 08:04 PM
76

I would add another one: Know when to retreat If it's not working out, cut your losses and leave graciously. Don't keep fighting a losing battle just in case "luck" gives you a winning break.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/20 03:45 PM
6

I think it would work the other way around as well - men are absolutely capable of being on their own, but upbringing/society makes it difficult for them to see, accept and work towards that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/20 11:57 AM
19

She gets some pickmeisha's to give her sex advice so that she can coax him into being less rough with her. This makes the rape disappear /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/20 03:17 PM
9

Not sure if it is a man. I have had both men and women say these things to me, years ago. I see nothing has changed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/20 03:08 PM
50

Yes, i thought he was the only one that ever loved me and treated me right 🤡 and tragically things did not work out, strictly because of personality differences. Now the clown makeup is off!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/20 03:00 PM
2

I am glad my comment was useful. Alice Miller's books changed my life. Best of wishes for the future :-)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/20 11:21 AM
4

Yes, I suppose a primal part of me thought this was the best course of action while being naked in my home with a strange, large man who wasn't open to compromise his pornsick desires. I really think this part was mistaken, ie, I could in fact, have kicked him out in this particular situation. But it's hard in the moment. And this primal part just wanted to help i suppose. Better to not end up in a situation like this again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/20 05:15 PM
8

Yes, having sex to appease really does a number on a woman. I also felt progressively icky and processed the event gradually over many months.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/20 04:56 PM
7

Thank you for the book recommendations. And the mental image of stepping on a scrote on the way to self love.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/20 01:07 PM
16

Yes freeze or fawn is my goto reaction when the situation has become bad (or some part of me perceives it as being bad at least). I don't want to get to that point again. I took some distance from this "friend" more of an acquaintance by this point really . The thing is, she doesn't have this freeze/fawn response and she has kicked out a lot of men before when she wasn't feeling it, so she's more safe.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/20 12:58 PM
67

And amazingly, her "friends" also gaslight her!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 06:25 PM
5

imagine thia gender flipped: omg my boyfriend stayed at the salon while I was getting my nail done! just sitting quietly while I was chatting with the nail tech.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/20 11:49 AM
66

not to mention, women do not do this quite as often as men claim. Two Chads does not a c*ck carousel make.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/20 08:15 AM
16

it's almost as if, doing a job that is only profitable when it's illegal and you are evading taxes, is not a good idea for an occupation after all!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/20 07:19 PM
5

Your availability is also not free! Think of that sweet opportunity cost.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/20 10:16 AM
3

One small step you can take is to stop watching porn completely. It doesn't need to be a part of your masturbation and it has no upsides. Even if the male porn actors didn't trigger you, there's plenty of reasons to cut porn out of your life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/20 02:39 PM
12

hey listen, he will not be out in the street with his kids starving. Usually when somebody gets fired, they get compensated for some months of work. So he will have time to find another job and ideally reflect on his inappropriate actions. He has been punished, but not unjustly(maybe he even had done it in the past and had been warned by the company), and he has options for the future. And it is amazing that you stood up for yourself and that you work for a company that takes this seriously!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/20 10:33 PM
10

Or just adopting. I’ve never understood the appeal of destroying your body not just aesthetically but probably functionally when there are so many orphaned babies out there. Just to pass on your own genes? Your DNA is probably not the best. I've been thinking the same stuff. Why pass on my DNA? What difference does it make? I'm not deluded to think that passing my DNA makes me in any meaningful way "immortal".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/20 09:56 AM
26

I know it's hard to see this at the moment because your wounded ego wants to find a target to feel contempt for, BUT, other girls with different hair colors, tattoos and service jobs are not disgusting, and not beneath you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/20 08:53 AM
14

Hindsight is always 20/20 and this post made me realize: When my LVM-ex stopped giving a shit about farting in my presence and stinking up the room, it was exactly the same time he stopped taking my needs, wants and preferences into account in myriad ways.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/20 03:31 PM
4

Your gut feeling is telling you now that it is in your best interest to leave him. It doesn't have precise information about why, but it knows that it is in your best interest. So, your choices are to stay and find out the 'why', which will eventually rear its ugly head, or leave the relationship and protect yourself. Women (and men) leave their partners every day just because they are not feeling it anymore. You can meet new friends and still make professional connections.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/20 03:30 PM
2

skinny, lots of rings, clean cut clothes (not overly revealing but fitting the form), some lacy/sheer details, piercing gaze (examining what people say and not just accepting bullshit), incorporating some elements of masculine style, such as a good watch and sturdy leather shoes. Keywords: witch - sprezzatura - corporate goth XD - androgynous glam
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/20 03:15 PM
248

The answer to this thread is very kind and considerate. Men should do this emotional labour to help other men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/20 09:26 PM
17

yes!! No hookups, good luck tho will be my go to finishing line.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/20 11:45 AM
10

I was wondering inside if he would finally ask me for 2nd date. Don't linger on this feeling when you get it (hopefulness), because if you give this feeling a lot of attention, it's all the more disappointing when they don't. #IfTheyWantedToTheyWould
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/20 07:03 PM
12

It never works when the first match dies out. If they unmatch and rematch or forget about you and resurface after a while, it doesn't bode well at all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/20 06:40 PM
1

It's very normal to feel disgust. If you feel disgust, then, good, this is your body telling you it's unwanted, do not put your face near it. I have this theory that the women who genuinely like to give bjs really felt positive to the idea from the beginning, and it's not something they needed to fight their disgust over.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/20 03:06 PM
8

cut her off. It sucks that she can't manage her insecurity around you, but she would need to do so in order to be your friend.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/20 01:52 PM
3

she probably is. The "free" stuff is the bait, then she or he (whoever is behind the profile) will present them with a list of paid services.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 11:43 AM
18

Very good point. The instant we state a preference this means that we are focused on the wrong thing to the detriment of our entire lives.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/20 11:54 AM
29

use imgur = OMG that's so harsh, my feefees. Imagine trying to tell this man that he's wrong about something, his head will explode.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/20 11:47 AM
0

dude is also smiley and easy on the eyes ^_^
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/20 11:41 AM
6

*too controlling
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/20 09:07 AM
11

Probably that you should keep treating him nice and accept him 24/7 no matter what he does. You owe it to him now that you made him feel special! Can't take it away!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/20 09:06 AM
1

Ok, totally get it! Thanks for clarifying.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 10:36 PM
5

I personally wouldn't have even conceded that money is overrated but that's just me (you may believe that money is overrated, so your agreement was genuine). Also, is his temp job really 'fair' or did your heart sink a little reading it? And then you tried to be non-intimidating, "we'll see" with the sweatdrop emoji, so that mr i-hate-my-job doesn't think you're better than him? Sorry, if I'm off in my interpretation! It just really reminded me of how I was on OLD, I can probably find exchanges …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 09:06 PM
67

I somehow doubt this woman would be acting this way if HE was looking at her with love in his eyes. The insecurity comes from somewhere. His post reeks of "she's delusional! MUH DICK says post-pregnancy bodies are not attractive! Nobody is going to make a post-pregnancy body as attractive as airbrushed models! You're trying to trick me with your positive affirmations." I also think he's complaining on reddit specifically now, is because her "ugliness" is public now, and he sees this as reflectin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 08:53 PM
9

The moment you feel like your needs are not being met or that you are bothering him, leave. This gives me flashbacks to that one guy, where, on the phone, I always felt like I am a salesperson trying to sell him something. I should've understood the dynamic is off at that point.. Oh well, live and learn.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 10:10 AM
17

A few weeks is not enough for him to be bonded to you, so yes, if you start taking the lead now, it can interfere with the bonding process on his part, where he bonds by investing in you and thinking about you when you're not together. Let him. You have nothing to gain by initiating at this stage.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 10:00 AM
117

Interesting how riled up men get when they are presented with a bad deal. But they dish them out all the time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 09:54 AM
7

lol I've met far more men than women whose only humor was quoting shows they watch.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 09:40 AM
3

Thank you dear eel. The great detail you gave about his behavior helped me crystallize my thoughts, as well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/20 09:29 AM
36

Talking about Finding The One always means: I am looking for The One Person who I think is out of my league, who will make me run circles around them while I delude myself into thinking that by chasing them or getting them, I am finally resolving my childhood trauma and becoming worthy of something. Goes for both men and women who haven't resolved their issues - myself included. I get sympathy twinges of sadness thinking of experiencing this triangulation like you did, and preparing to spin my w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/20 04:42 PM
3

adorable succulent :D
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/20 04:15 PM
13

I'm OpEnMinDEd - I am up for disrespecting you in lots of different ways and I also listen to more than one music genres!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/20 04:13 PM
8

Pay, if he suggests going to a second bar or whatever, decline and then block him on your way home :D
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/20 10:34 AM
5

I come from a similar experience - ie struggling to forgive myself after not standing up for myself when people got pushy sexually, even though walking away would have been an option. What ultimately was a big step toward mending myself, as you say (and it took years to feel it, also because I was led astray by pickmes, scrotes and shitty male therapists that empathized with the abuser as I tried to get HELP for healing afterwards - come on now, really????), so anyway what was a big step was rea…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/20 11:56 PM
7

your gut feeling is right! he's testing you/giving you a preview
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/20 11:25 PM
1

The painful sex woman, if she allows the relationship to continue and doesn't drop the guy, is setting herself up for a lifetime of periodic "45 seconds" or more where she feels physical pain, fear and the urge to self-defend, and instead goes into dissociation for those 45 seconds and for the aftermath where she needs to push those feelings down in order to not call him out on his shit with rage.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/20 08:10 PM
44

he's wasting his chance to text with you on developing the height topic. What's the endgame here, for you to complain "ah yes, some men don't like that I'm tall :(" and then he can swoop in with a "but my peepee likes tall women" - "awww you are not like other guys!" . It's one of these Tinder conversations where the guy hasn't been super rude, but I just don't see it progressing anywhere interesting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/20 08:05 PM
12

no Pickmeisha, it's not that we are jealous of porn actresses lmao. Not everything is about me,me,me altho I get why you'd think this way. It is empathy for other women (including porn actresses) and women roped into pornsick sex that makes us not comfortable with men watching porn.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/20 07:49 PM
19

the picture is shopped. Look at the disappearing leg. Also, his personal grooming is good whereas the room looks abysmal - usually those are at similar levels.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/20 07:56 PM
11

Their eyes look non dead! That is a good start!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/20 01:48 PM
4

tbh I'm not happy to see some of the searches that are popular with women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/20 10:05 AM
25

I am in the same boat. I am not chasing unavailable people anymore, because the small high of getting their attention for a little while, after effort on my part is not worth it. It a) makes me more and more invested the more I do it b) when they inevitably become completely unavailable to me, it will hurt like hell, and disproportionately more to any "high" I experienced.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/20 11:03 AM
15

I can give some perspective on that - when I was young (20) I was in a situation where my boyfriend at the time was demanding a particular sex act. I had asked ALL my female friends, and NONE of them told me 'you know what, it's OK to not do it, just focus on what makes you comfortable.'. They all told me some pickmeisha variation of 'why not try! it could be FuN and EmPoWerINg!'. I was still confused because I didn't want to do it, but I got no support from my real life friends. And sadly I did…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/10/20 08:52 PM
10

can confirm that the one time the random guy on tinder was all "take me with you!!!", he was a) texting at least one other woman at the same time the same thing (she accepted apparently) and b) he then kept texting me while he was hanging out with her (learned about a+b later ) c) later that day when I said I had made some kind of dish asked me to bring some over d) when I said I am not a delivery service he did suggest to make plans. But as we've said many times on this sub, it's worthless if t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 02:07 PM
2

How disgusting that his side of the family forgave him, as his grandmother told him during his trial.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/10/20 03:19 PM
5

I don't necessarily see this as malicious, just confused and people-pleasy on his part (could still be malicious, looking-for-backup of course!). But that's the great thing about FDS - it doesn't have to be malicious to be unacceptable! No 'dates' or 'quasi-dates' with people who've already rejected us.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/20 09:40 AM
4

that's some scary shit o.O
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/20 01:04 PM
8

Reminds me of my ex who would also say, "do what you want (that I don't like), see what happens !!". And what would happen is he would be angry and sulk, stop affection, triangulate me about other compliant women.. as a way to get me to do what he wanted. I cringe when I remember the disrespect, because I, on the other hand, understood he can do things I don't like and I don't want to punish him for it. Bottom line: Two can play this game. You are an angry, entitled LVM? See what happens when I …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/20 12:41 PM
10

Thanks for posting. This is good for us women to strive to be like this as well in our lives - have the major things under control, and don't sweat the small stuff.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/20 06:34 AM
16

like a PURGE day to get the memes/rants off our chests XD i like the idea
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/20 12:10 PM
20

I can provide also my data point for the guy who had to be 'coaxed' into coming up with a better idea than a house date, which he eventually did. He acted very entitled when we got intimate at a later point in time, proving that he didn't see me or respect me as a person, and was there to try and get the maximum he could with minimum effort, with no concern on what I would think of his lowball efforts AND his pushiness. I didn't do what he pushed me to do, but in hindsight I should have #KickedH…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 09:04 PM
3

thanks for the insight !!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 09:19 PM
10

One area I struggle with is -- let's say I am in a group of people, friends of friends etc, and somebody starts talking about porn or disrespectful sex stuff. I am not sure how to externalize my discomfort. Lately I've been doing a combination of: going for a smoke, rolling my eyes at the person saying disgusting things (former me would suffer and keep a poker face) or trying to focus on some boring detail and change the topic. There was this guy in the friend group once who just shouted "WILL Y…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 08:11 PM
19

I stopped watching porn one year and six months ago (after hitting a very low point). Big surprise, after that, I gradually lost interest in anything rough (either me receiving it or inflicting it). It is clear to me that feeling safe, and like my wants and needs matter is the most important part of sex. Watching porn is one of the worst things one can do to their brain/reward system. I still remember the porn I watched in the past (20 years of porn watching don't go away that easily), but it's …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 08:38 AM
3

lol they'd be so confused
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 07:20 AM
3

yep, not anymore
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 12:40 PM
2

I don't think women should give unenthusiastic thanks for anything. Thank you should be said when the woman feels it truthfully.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 12:33 PM
25

of course his name is Kyle
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 12:26 PM
5

Seems like some of us are more prone to picking up other people's feelings. I think this has to do with empathy. We should always remember, when we're feeling something, to check if it originated in us or could have originated in the other person.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 11:44 AM
5

Not really advice, but sharing my own experience - I've been reading FDS since February, and some of the concepts are only now sinking in (after being confirmed by real life experiences). Before FDS I was blind and non reflective, FDS has at least given me a tool to reflect on my experiences, even if I don't make FDS-approved choices all the time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 11:37 AM
24

I find it really hard to not listen to somebody who is addressing me ( I guess I've been trained this way).. whereas spacing out when on a presentation or in a group is very easy for me, even if I actually care about the topic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/20 11:11 AM
11

deleting the chat is so freeing! Also, for sentimental purposes and for data collection - it's possible to e-mail yourself an archive of the convo, if you really want to have it in some place, just not directly on the phone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/20 08:32 PM
5

your energy is so good :) sensing that he'd be dragged into the phone call and graciously letting him go while you are very clear, not mean at all but still free up your time to do your thing! Inspiring. Please post more queen shit like this in the future, for recovering people pleasers like me!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/09/20 10:14 AM
11

Recruiters, especially British ones, are a very interesting version of LVM. Let's start: - They are not themselves talented, because if they were, they would be going for the great jobs instead of trying to recruit others for them - They are only after one thing: the commission they get on your salary if you get hired. They don't care if the job is a good fit for you, and they don't care to help you negotiate for anything that doesn't affect their commission (say, extra vacations). The parallels…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/09/20 12:39 PM
3

I try to think of women or gay male erotica (maybe neither of this would be your thing, just saying). Or of exes from previous years where I am over them completely.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/09/20 07:00 PM
83

" He follows me pretty quickly after and liked several of my photos. Which signaled interest to me. " Do not read interest into actions that take less than a second to do.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/20 11:13 AM
11

I cringe at the non binary poly person who overshares about sex and gets completely wasted.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/20 10:18 PM
25

it's funny how women are socialized to really be afraid of leaving men on seen, like it would be the rudest thing ever, while dudes have no problem doing it. I have started leaving deserving people on seen as well, and it is freeing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/20 09:38 PM
2

hi, an update - the first guy actually ended things with me now (better than slow fade). I am grateful for FDS because it teached me how to keep myself protected all this time, and now I don't feel clownish or played. - Did not fantasize about future as much as I used to do before, lined up some other dates instead - Did not give him a gift even though at some point I got a pickmeisha urge to do it (because I thought - nah, it's too early, his actions do not warrant a gift from me) - Did not fig…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/20 07:53 AM
5

I'm so annoyed at dating life this week. Guy I saw a few times and who was actually the one I was beginning to fall for: - hasn't texted me in almost a week (from texting me daily) - in our last conversation he told me to go on tinder to find people to do my hobby with I went on a first date with someone else who - Spoke non stop about ex girlfriends and past hurts - Just point blank told me that he fixates on one person to feel good in life. I do not want to fill this role o my god. I also met …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/20 06:02 AM
3

aww you remind me of a situationship I was in.. I always felt like a beggar for his time, or like I was one of these annoying people that call you and try to sell you stuff. When you're feeling this way, it's time to let go. Remind yourself that you have people who care about you who you never feel this way with.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/20 02:14 PM
15

Their opinions do not matter. I see this kind of post every week here, it shows that we still on some level are wanting male approval (see, if I just explain that I am not unreasonable as a woman, and CoMmUniCAte, men will stop dismissing me and acknowledge that my needs matter). No, let them dismiss us, let them not understand. A man doesn't need to understand or approve of something with his LoGIcAL brain for it to make sense. Everything they say is projection anyway, men are the ones that wan…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/20 02:12 PM
22

You shouldn't have sent the "I'm into more concrete stuff" message. He knows he needs to make a concrete proposal for a date to happen. If he has annoyed you now, yeah block him, I would just forget about him until he actually made a proposal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/20 01:50 PM
6

Retrain your brain: When you are horny and your mind wanders, stop yourself. The more you think of him when you are horny, the more you dig yourself into this situation that you do not like. Either cut off the horniness (take a cold shower or jump out of bed if it happens to you in the morning) or masturbate thinking of nothing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 06:27 PM
6

Many men do not do this thing where they try to see themselves in the eyes of other people (ie, they don't female gaze themselves the way women try to look at themselves through the eyes of men). See many online dating profiles with bad lighting/bad angles etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/20 07:58 PM
5

OP had some boundaries, just not enough (yet) to overcome this planned attack.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/20 07:51 PM
4

Hey thanks, i gave him space and he would also message so it gave me mixed messages. When he started to message a bit more I also thought that meant he was fine for me to call once a day you know? I see your reasoning, and he probably did it on purpose too, as the other commenter says, but - for next time: the jump between texting and calling is significant, never assume that a man who texts you of his own volition would also call you of his own volition - let them suggest it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/20 03:23 PM
145

if there was really another woman, he would have probably just ghosted and not overexplain like this
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/20 04:15 PM
2

Yes, but maybe they would be too scared to text you and waste your time
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/20 01:14 PM
15

I think you hit the nail on the head! He is ignoring reality to shoehorn her into this happy naturey XD dream that he wants.. would be exhausting to deal with that in person if one is not 100% aligned..
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/20 12:32 PM
28

I do not see red flags in the sense that this person would be unsafe or an asshole. However, I do see that he would possibly be boring/no spine. How I deduce this: She makes banter about them being enemies, he immediately tries to smooth this over (even though it was not real conflict). Boring! He gives her two compliments on her appearance and also throws you-are-not-like-other-girls in there So if the OP noticed these things as well, I can see how the match is not that exciting, and since.. sh…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/20 09:50 AM
3

I don't see a big problem with how you handled it. You did not want to make him angry, so you "appeased" him and then did not go to the date. Maybe your gut feeling told you that it would be risky to reject him to his face..
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 03:13 PM
4

you're a queen for calling him out immediately when he made a weird comment. I might have brushed it off (incorrectly). Taking notes from you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/20 11:37 AM
2

I think nothing good ever came out of interacting with people who don't type out the question mark at the end of a question. May be just me, but it screams lazy and low energy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 10:47 AM
23

lol i have to admit that is funny XD
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/20 08:50 PM
35

i mean to be fair, gay men *can* hook up with a different man every day of the week if they're ok looking XD they are actually doing this
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/20 10:23 PM
6

you can do other things that aren't exactly a benefit to you, to help greater good if you're motivated by that (like volunteer, mentor people, spend time with elderly people who have no company etc)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/20 11:56 AM
4

OKCupid is also for friends. I have met women and one man there where we became friends. I also try not to think of date 0 from OLD as a real date, but it's a bit weird to negotiate/justify that, since I only consider people I might be attracted to for this "getting a small glimpse of their life, and maybe friendship". So it's this gray area of OLD first date, which is not really a friendly hangout (get a male climbing buddy then!?) but also not the same as a first date with somebody you've alre…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 10:55 AM
2

i feel a bit better that even at my peak pick me (peak me?), if the person blocked and/or got somebody else, i knew to cut my losses and stop hoping!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 07:47 PM
0

The way I see it, there wasn't really another choice? Wait for him until he's not scared to hang out anymore?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 01:51 PM
2

otoh, there is such a thing as "reading the room" and not going on excessively about your fringe interests 😆
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/20 05:17 PM
4

A genuine guy. Batshit crazy, but genuine.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/20 05:16 PM
1

I think it is because everyone is on it now. In the beginning, it was just the subset of people who were interested to try out something out of the norm. I don't really know, but I think that's part of it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/20 05:13 PM
5

coercion is so icky, and can leave its own scars! I am so angry about what this person did to you. insisting multiple times and refusing to hear no for an answer until the other person sees no other choice than to give in to demands, is such a shitty thing to do, and such a shitty thing to experience.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/20 03:12 PM
244

Breadcrumbs are for ducks. I need this on a t-shirt!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/20 09:54 AM
2

I looked up hedonism definition: "the ethical theory that pleasure (in the sense of the satisfaction of desires) is the highest good and proper aim of human life" Now that I saw that, I want to clarify that I didn't mean to imply that you have satisfaction of desires as your highest aim in life! I don't know you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/20 08:00 PM
2

I have had people try to explain my art to me and then ghost me when I told them that the interpretation was unrelated to my intentions with my artwork. Like, no, Kyle, you were just projecting your lame emotions on my work, I'm not going to pretend your comments were relevant or interesting XD
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/20 05:50 PM
5

it's noble of you to assess the situation and decide against hedonism and FOR morality. kudos
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/20 03:51 PM
3

I think she could be saved if somebody firmly said to her "it feels great to not do things you don't want to do". Most "well-meaning" friends she has would probably side with "ahhh but be open minded! you might like it!" or have already sided with him. Maybe that's why she's being timid and unsure on the Internet. Cut her some slack imo :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/20 03:50 PM
3

this is really funny XD XD
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/20 03:40 PM
3

I don't care if he makes less money than me or is less accomplished in his career, as long as he is not resenting me for it. Same about being short. I also would probably forgive sex blunders due to inexperience or lack of stamina or physical limitations
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 09:21 PM
3

This is an amazing list, there's some books there that I've been meaning to read, and new ones I will consider now. Consider the book: The Trauma of the Gifted Child by Alice Miller It helps to understand the roots of people pleasing and being a fake self around others.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 12:15 PM
2

thank you ladies :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/20 09:28 PM
7

How to ask for a fixed time and place without appearing pushy if the guy just says "I can do Tuesday" ? I know the answer is probably going to be 'don't answer' XD
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/20 09:18 PM
2

I would have lost interest the moment he pasted multiple questions in. The moment I feel like I have to jade about my life , to a stranger, no less, I just block, it only gets more annoying to engage further. (Justify Argue Defend Explain)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/20 11:59 AM
1

actually, yeah, I agree with you, that is the reason I am still subscribed to her after all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/20 07:12 PM
2

No, we were exclusive. There was never any issue with commitment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/20 12:26 PM
1

I read her stuff occasionally. I think she has a dynamic with her husband that works for her, and this has led her to believe that it is safe for every woman to act how she did. Today she sent an email about how expressing displeasure at being ghosted to a man, is basically abusive. (yes it is probably not effective! but abusive, wtf) And basically a woman is only allowed to express feelings once she has healed everything inside herself, otherwise she is a burden. Nah, sis.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/20 01:08 PM
17

maybe in takeaway food and taxi services tho!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/20 08:08 PM
61

that's exactly the same cope
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/04/20 07:42 PM
3

My ex asked for it, I said no, he kept pestering (just the tip!!) and other stupid things. I never did it, but in hindsight I should have broken up with him over the disrespect.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/04/20 07:14 PM
4

such a queen move :-)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/04/20 03:46 PM
1

That makes sense! I was not implying you were doing something wrong. And no worries, that therapist actually died!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/19 04:10 PM
5

I know you are talking about your own personal experience and dynamics, but it reminded me of something else, unfortunately: That is what my therapist said when I told him my bf pressured me to give him one, that, I should look at it as him having been vulnerable as well. As if that makes it okay. I realize now that this was a shitty thing to say. Almost like there is a conspiracy to advertise how great bjs are for people who have already said they dont want to do them!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/19 08:21 PM
6

No you are not being ridiculous. I wish I had never given one, actually, because that has been pretty much my thinking. A dick close to my face is not appealing. Sex stuff should be optional. I understand that other women feel a wholesome interest to do it. And there is probably some who endure it because it is expected.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/19 08:14 PM
55

Like hell he is a 9 now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/19 08:47 PM
8

the pill basically works by tricking your body into believing it's pregnant, go figure.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/19 08:43 PM
13

I would have liked to practice saying no, I don't know, in something like a workshop. Maybe some of the moms can roleplay a coercive scenario and show some possible responses (saying No, repeating "I said No", leaving). Edited to Add: I would LOVE to compile a collection of movie clips where women say No. For example, here in the Alien movie, Ellen's coworkers try to scare her to open the door against protocol (and against her good judgement that if she opens, maybe whatever is wrong with them w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/19 08:29 PM
2

Best of luck! This sub will be here for you along the way!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/19 10:47 PM
5

I was the same last year. Got very addicted to sex[1] with a guy who kept me on ice, and yet I kept chasing him because I really liked sex with him and he was also respectful and safe to be around. When it ended I was really sad (and it did end in a very hurtful way - he got back with an ex that he had never mentioned once and who also lives 1000s of miles away and stopped speaking to me, even though we were "friends"). I paid all the nice fuzzy sex feelings back tenfold with how depressed I was…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/19 05:41 PM
17

Looking back, I would have preferred to be a virgin at 22 than somebody who's been taken advantage of at 20... You don't need to rush into sex. You can get some experience dating people and just making out with them, and that will already make you feel more confident - maybe that can be your goal? You don't have to pretend to have more experience than you have, you just have to not take people's shit. And if somebody asks you "how come you don't have experience", shrug, as if the question is stu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/19 11:53 AM
7

Report Junk
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/19 11:29 AM
2

Okay, fair enough. No more mo*ds!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/19 11:28 AM
3

I lost a huge part of who I was I also feel this way. I have been with others since and I resisted requests to do either the same or other sexual stuff I did not want to do. I still don't feel healed though due to the one time that I did. It's a different timeline for everybody I suppose.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/19 11:24 AM
2

I am a member of some of these. I have identified some of the roots of generic people pleasing as stemming from my home life with a mother with narcissitic traits, although in this case I think the fact that men's sexual pleasure "should be" the de facto priority was not really hammered into me by her, but by society at large and my peers.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/19 11:18 AM
12

Well I mean, I am not very attractive but I can still speak out about shitty men :D
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/19 06:53 PM
1

Yess queen :D
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/19 06:42 PM
5

"He called you on your bullshit?" Ie that you said you don't kiss on the first date instead of what you really meant, ie, you didn't feel like kissing him? Funny how men can bullshit as until the cows come home, but there's always a way to spin what they said as them being honest. Sure, you don't kiss on the first date, when you're not attracted to the guy. You were not being dishonest. Block him before he retaliates.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/19 05:42 PM
5

I haven't let anybody treat me like this since, but this one time still hurts me somehow.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/19 05:33 PM
11

Psycho moids will always search your previous interactions, find the few things that you showed as a weakness/soft point and attack you with that. It doesn't even have to be somebody you dated, I had a moid "friend" do it too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/19 05:31 PM
6

Yes, she thought she was giving tough love lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/19 05:27 PM
1

Hahaaha loafers that are actually dead seagulls. And they say women aren't funny.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/19 05:19 PM
6

I wish I had this when I was younger. What I had was similarly clueless friends who were all about "why not try it", my own people pleasing anxieties, and male friends who also couldn't imagine having a girl friend who doesn't do it. So I thought - if I HAVE to do it eventually, might as well get it out of the way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/19 05:11 PM
7

Yeah, the person who said this to me was a woman too... I wish I had FDS instead when I was younger.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/19 05:06 PM
9

You might be onto something here. The fact that I was left somewhat unsatisfied in my first encounters with a certain someone, probably made me more into them and looking forward to see them again, SO THAT I COULD FINALLY COME FFS. It is a trap!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/19 12:05 PM
67

Yeah, ex moidfriend was pressuring me to get on hormonal birth control via the pill, or even worse, get the birth control injection. He really DID have the majority of men and women backing him up - which is another reason it's difficult to avoid giving in to their demands. The fact that the birth control would affect my desire for sex was not a factor for him. Only how his pee-pee feels. I spent SO MUCH time arguing with him about it, trying to find some kind of birth control that would be okay…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/19 02:34 PM
56

Ok, obvious redpill is obvious. But also, y u text first?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/19 08:34 PM
13

you trying to come over watching something hang is he just typing random words?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/19 12:59 PM
10

mad respect
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/19 12:54 PM
4

I wonder if some of it (leaving stuff without tidying them up for ages) is just laziness, ignorance or depression. No reason to put up with it of course. I also have to admit that it took me a long time to understand the difference between shampoo and conditioner, smh. I am sure this did not help my dating life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/19 02:52 PM
3

I agree with most of this post. I wish I had a group of friends who told me that it's okay to do just what I am 100% comfortable doing, back when I was young and dealing with the expectations of moids without knowing that it really will feel terrible if I yield, as the OP and other posters have said. I should have just let the trash take itself out!! You are totally right, moids expect us to do all sorts of stuff and override our own innate feelings of being uncomfortable. It doesn't matter if w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/19 03:21 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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