Today I finally realized, we aren't a team.

My relationship has had its ups and downs. We've been together going on 2 years. I am 31f, he's 36m.

I am 15 weeks along with our first child, it was unplanned.

I have always been the breadwinner in our relationship. We split bills 50/50, and then I cover the extra stuff, majority of groceries, etc, and I regularly do cover more of the bills and he pays me back eventually. We bought our home earlier this year, we have pets, etc.

I am self employed, but for the past 3 months, work has significantly slowed down, to where I'm barely making ends meet. So I was like hey look, I'm really struggling here, and am heavily considering switching careers once baby is born. But in the meantime, things are tight on my end, so you may need to pitch in a bit more than usual. That convo spiraled into a huge fight, that has lasted over the course of 3 days now. The final straw was him telling me I'm lazy for not doing other "side hustles" to make money, that I should have already started the process to switch careers, and also called me a fatass (I mean, I am fatter than I should be, but name-calling is not okay at all regardless).

Anyway, today, I see him making plans on FB for that when we were young festival. No convo or prior discussion with me about it. I have helped him more times than I can count with money. And on top of that, didn't think to involve me in the conversation that would be leaving me with our 3 month old baby for him to go across the country?

I work. I do 90% of the housework. I take 100% care of the pets. I take his work clothes out every day, his clothes for after his shower, I wake up and make his lunch and coffee, I make sure his family is up to date on all things relating to baby, i plan all our events and dates, I give him as much freedom and time on his gaming computer as he wants (which is from the time he gets home, till he goes to bed).

We aren't a team. I've been carrying this relationship, I've bent over backwards, forwards, sideways, etc through the length of it so far, and for what? And now we have a baby coming.

I'm just so torn right now on how to handle all of this.