I feel like I’ve finally graduated into a woman and I am no longer a pickmeisha girl. I can’t exactly explain what’s happened but I know it’s because of this sub.

Ever since I started liking males in third grade, my thoughts always somewhat centered around one day meeting my mate.

Between the media (how to be sexy to a man) and my religious upbringing (how to exist for a man), I feel like subconsciously so much of what I did, how I focused on my looks and how I ate, who I was and/or pretended to be was somehow focused on guys.

When I got married, my whole marriage was focused on him. When I left him and dated someone else, my identity was based on other things of course but still- I put so much meaning in how my new bf viewed me.

The merry ground literally never has stopped. It wasn’t conscious so it was kept under wraps and I played the game well enough to keep men intrigued enough... but it was never enough because there was not any real transparency, even with myself. What was the point even?

I obsessed over who I should be and look like and constantly wondered and analyzed every move and thing I did. I didn’t want to lose anyone I was with. When things would end or men would treat me bad, I would constantly wonder if it was me and how I could change.

Well the over analyzing has stopped and I straight up do not care anymore. I am sure there are great men out there but it’s not on my radar at all.

I finally understand that my value as a human and as a woman has absolutely nothing to do with having a partner or what any man thinks of me.

I used to think getting to this point in life would be terrible-OMG AN OLD MAID! (32 lol) but wow, it’s so freeing.

I am capable of providing myself with the things I thought I needed in a man.

I am not saying there is no use for men, but for me, right now- I am in a phase where I am happy and free- finally in my life without any and without the thought of needing or even wanting one.

I feel free to explore myself, my wants, my needs, my goals, my recipes, my life, my social outings, my everything- without worrying about how I’m being perceived by any male.

Also, thanks to this amazing group of women, I feel more connected to my sisterhood and I feel like women are cheering me on (even if they are not in real life lol)...

For once, I feel powerful and complete in myself.