First time poster here. I’m posting both to seek advice in the specific area of non-exclusive dating as it’s a new concept to me. I’m also posting this as a way of recording where I’m at and internally clarifying my rules and adaptation of this strategy. I’d love discussion and commentary on any aspects of it that you may have advice for. I’ll front-load the questions I have which relate directly to the title as idk how long this post may end up just yet.

The exclusivity talk.

• Assume non-exclusivity or ask?

The term “Dating” isn’t widely used where I’m from and non-exclusivity is usually assumed but never discussed. This results in a lot of broken hearts and I’m not sure if it’s just how things are done here or if it’s the maturity of myself and the people around me. Anyhow, the result is, I find it difficult to bring up non-exclusivity (I have no issue discussing exclusivity when it comes to it) as a discussion to verbalise the assumption of non-exclusive. Is it okay to just assume the non-exclusivity, I generally don’t feel comfortable with just assuming non-exclusivity as I feel like I’m in a sense misleading them or just asking to hurt feelings. I also feel weird talking about it because of how strangely taboo the topic seems.

• When should this be brought up?

My biggest issue on timing this is that I consider the first time we meet as just that, meeting. I feel weird outlining exclusivity with someone I’m only meeting for the first time, and it’s not a date. I feel like laying ground rules out before agreeing to an actual date is weird too like “really enjoyed meeting you, we should go on a date together but btw you gotta agree to date me non-exclusively”. The more dates I have the more it feels like I’ve hidden some dark secret from them. It’s ridiculous and I know I’m overthinking this but I’d appreciate some guidance to getting this step down in a way that just flows with things and exudes the air of “of course this is how things are done, what did you expect? my full attention after 2seconds of knowing you, boy you gotta earn that, show me you’re worth my bothering”

My rules and take on the strategy (discussions, advices, and opinions are welcome and appreciated):

  • I’m planning on dating non-exclusively for at absolute minimum 6 months before I consider going exclusive with a guy. I’m primarily dating using OLD because my work/hobbies are all guys at least 5years younger than me which is too large a gap down at my current age. The nature of OLD means I’m starting from scratch in terms of knowing these guys and I need time to get to really know them before I’m going to commit anything to one.

  • The first time I meet any of them it’s just that, meeting them. It’s not a date, I will not go on a date with someone I haven’t met yet. This one’s pretty easy for me to communicate as I straight up say “sorry, I don’t date people I’ve not met yet but how about we do Y so we can meet?” anytime they mention the word date.

  • He will be immediately dropped if the date isn’t out doing something. Yes I game, no you do not get to then suggest gaming nights as our only date. (Netflix and chill included in this).

  • Sex: I’ve been a little quick of the mark in this department in the past I’ll admit but I’ve stopped that. My rule is no sex until we’re in an exclusive and committed relationship. (I do supposedly break this rule with one guy who I won’t date but is quite fun, but damn girls 6 months is a long ass time and that’s only if I meet the right dude too!)

  • Phone calls and texting: you wanna talk to me? You can pick up the phone and call me. I am done with his millennial scared of the phone crap. I get a better sense of who you are and whether we connect or can even communicate through talking on the phone. It means I know whether you’re paying me attention or distracted by something else too. Rules on the phone:

    1. This is a conversation not a breathing contest.
    2. I’m a busy B, lets keep it short and sweet so we’re both left wanting a little more. (There may also be a queue waiting).
    3. Txting is asynchronous communication. It does not require an immediate response and should not be used to hold such a conversation. Use it for plans and passing notes.

  • No more than four guys at a time. I’m too busy, three is ideal. I want another one? Pick one to drop first.

  • Don’t have two dates with the same guy in a row. I’m gunna get myself all excited and biased towards him and that’s not fair. I’m trying to find the guy who best fits me and my life, not just the last one I had tacos with.

-Gut instinct goes. A red flag doesn’t have to mean he’s a terrible person, however, it always mean he’s the wrong one for me. Listen to it.

I’m really curious to know how this compares to your personal approach/strategy/rules or if any of you have further advice or areas that are important which I may not have considered. I find it important to consider how I want to handle key aspects of dating ahead of time to ensure I’m making the decision rather than “the flow” making it for me.

If you’ve stayed with me this far thanks for reading.