I've been lurking this sub for a few months and finally made an account to join the conversation. I don't have a tagname yet but I guess you get one with time and interaction with the sub? Unsure.

I like a lot of what I read here, but it doesn't seem like this sub really knows its whole feelings about Tinder and OLD. Some topics seem to laud Tinder as a fast paced tool to weed out LVM and pick from the top best and score a good man. Others seem to think it's purely a cesspool of trash and that even being on it makes you a LVW just asking for trouble.

Personally, I still use Tinder even after a few years now of both horror stories and a successful but ultimately incompatible relationship from it. I think I've learned a LOT by using it, both about myself and about other people.

I see a lot of women complaining about men who open with simple starters: "hi and hello and hey", "whats up?" etc. Some women won't even answer these, feeling that they are low effort attempts at conversation and are beneath her....but I think it's important to remember that there ARE fake accounts on tinder, bots, advertising accounts, etc. and it WOULD be exceedingly tedious to be sending nicely crafted messages to beautiful women over and over and getting no reply because theres no human on the other end. I employ a 3 to 4 messages rule. If a man can't get a good conversation going within 3 to 4 messages and sticks to boring, bland "how are you? thats good. what are you up to?" messages, I pass and move on. The guy has confirmed you're real and will reply, so if he's smart, he will take a closer look at your profile and come up with something good to ask you about or comment on. You need to keep your side of the conversation good too and ask decent questions or give thoughtful answers--it's not being a doormat to show mutual interest if he's trying to get to know you as a person, politely.

This is why it's good to put more in your bio than a line from a movie or an emoji. If you don't give anything for a man to go on about who you are besides some pretty shots from your last vacation and a Game of Thrones or song quote, you can't really expect him to magically know what to say that's specially tailored to grab your interest. Don't write your life story, but give some of your interests.

I do not reply to "hey beautiful" or "wow so pretty" messages or anything that leads with appearances. If thr conversation ever turns to over the top comments on your appearance, same deal. A polite compliment is one thing, but theres a way you pull that off with class and finesse. Of course you know he thinks you're pretty, you both matched eachother, and you probably carefully chose your pictures to be attractive. The dude is already objectifying you, he is already trying to flatter you and butter you up, and 9/10 times this kinda guy is just looking for a hookup. If youre just looking to hookup too, thats fine, but just know it when you see it.

I absolutely DO advocate asking a man what he's looking for and writing very clearly on your profile what you're looking for on the site. Even if it doesn't filter all the sleazy assholes, it will filter some. It is true that both men and women will swipe a pretty picture and forget the profile and jump into a conversation with their assumptions set. Guys will let you know what they're looking for even if they try to say it nicer than "just trying to fuck." If a guy says anything to the tune of "looking to meet and see where things go, looking for a travel/gym/drinking buddy, looking for new friends" etc. he IS looking for sex. NO ONE gets on a dating site to look for platonic friends, even if you might luckily make a few in your dating adventures where there was no spark but you really had good conversation otherwise.

Yes, some men will lie and say they want a serious relationship just because you do but if you withhold sex and stick to your guns and your standards, any fuckboy is going to drop off after two weeks or so when he realizes the work, money and time its going to take to keep the charade up. And most likely you'll quickly sense if he's really into a relationship as you speak to him more. People reveal who they are if you listen.

If a guy sets up a date with you and then flakes in any way, tries to reschedule, I honestly recommend just passing on that person. A man should get one shot at a first impression, and dropping the ball as a first impression is bullshit. If he can't have his shit together enough to set a date and stick to it to get a shot at meeting a beautiful woman, he almost certainly doesn't have his shit together enough to date long term. Men are usually way more excited about a first date than a woman because they don't get them as often, he should be jumping to make sure is there on time, looks good, smells good, and can cover the bill. Anything less, is crap. Your initial feeling about someone should be anticipation and excitement, not disappointment or uncertainty.

I could honestly write a book about Tinder so I'm going to stop here, and maybe these points are redundant from previous posts but I hope they helped someone. Feel free to negate my points if you feel I'm really off on something because I'm only in my mid twenties and definitely here to learn and become better at dating and handling myself!