Hey Ladies, I really wanted to share my story on how this sub has helped me so much to level up and creating healthy boundaries that led me to have a successful relationship. I came across this sub sometime last year, I skimmed through the handbook and there were a lot of things that I liked and I thought could be helpful, but I admit that I did not go through the whole handbook until later. Before coming across this sub, I had been in a situationship with a guy for 9 months that had drained me emotionally, to the point that I had to seek a counselor because I was in such a bad state mentally.

Once I felt healthy enough to date I knew I had to change my mentality. I had been single for 5 years, and every guy I had dated in the last 2 years had not even tried in the slightest to have a committed relationship with me. I knew I just had to be doing something wrong but I didn't know what. I was the definition of a pickmeisha, a whole ass Becky. I paid for dates, I texted fast, I give in to sex easily, all because I was trying to be some modern feminist. I thought if I did all those things men would accept me faster, but nope I was wrong, so wrong. Then, through a dating app, I met a guy I really liked. He seemed to have everything I wanted in a person. So I came back to this sub and read every single post on the handbook thoroughly. I admit I was hesitant at first, but I figured I had nothing to lose anyway.

Our first date was a hike, and a nice early dinner. When he waiter asked me for my drink I asked for a coke and I could tell on his face he was definitely shocked. After our dinner ended he asked me what I was doing after, I made him aware that I had plans with my girlfriends and that they were actually already waiting on me. I made plans with my friends that night on purpose. I did not want to be talked into going to his house ( remember I was a recovering pickemesisha and I'll admit that a lot of it was very hard for me ). We continue to text and communicate for a few more weeks and then I fell into my old ways and actually had sex with him before he made it official, which is advised not to do by FDS. I came here posted about and got a lot of great feedback. There was one thing I was still not doing right. While I was applying a lot of the strategies, into this one relationship I was investing way too much into this one guy and I was not dating enough.

I took a step back from the relationship, I started replying to messages from other guys and I was even going to be open to date (but then covid). However, I let other guys chase me a bit and steal my attention from him for a couple of months, we were still communicating, but I wanted him to be aware that me having sex with him hadn't emotionally attached me to him. While I dated the other guys, I applied the same strategies, and one that worked wonders was leaving them on read. Every time the conversation got boring or they tried to turn the conversation sexual slightly I would turn my read on and I would stop replying. Before I would've tried to send a meme to change subj or post laughing emojis to try to avoid their awkward sexual comments that made me uncomfortable. But I realized that I didn't have to do any of that. If I was not happy with the conversation I could stop replying. I had other messages that needed my attention anyways.

While messaging other guys I tried to find ways that he could prove me that he was a HVM. One time he told me that he was going to call me and didn't. Of course I was pissed, but I had read the FDS so I knew the "right" thing to do. Calmly, I told him he had greatly disappointed me. That he needed to value my time, just as much as he valued me. He apologized and told me how much it had bothered him to think he had disappointed me. Ever since then, everything he says he's going to do he does. However, After about 6 months of dating, and talking, he still hadn't made things official so I took a step back, a big one. I stopped replying to his messages for 3 days. When he asked me about it, I simply told him that our relationship wasn't serious enough for me to invest so much of the time. It took him almost no time after that to then proceed to ask me out. This is still very early on, but I definitely feel like he's a HVM now. I am able to be open about my expectations, he listens and we come to an agreement. Dating him has been so peaceful for me. I definitely believe on the FDS strategy. I will keep applying the strategies and taking in all the advice in my relationship. I will never go back to be a Becky again, because I know my worth now. Thank you Queens. I hope to post wedding pictures in a year or I will be posting about dating a new guy ;).

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Sorry for any grammatical errors, English is my second language.