If I am ugly, does that mean I'm low value? I have a mental illness, does that mean I'm low value? I don't make a lot of money, am I low value?

Value and Standards, they are not the same

You come from a certain class background, had a certain childhood, have a certain state of mental and physical health. These are the cards you've been dealt. What you have is neutral.

You can do different things with thsee cards you were dealt. - You can play the victim and manipulate people through pity and use your cards in a low value way. - You can be consistent and responsible with your friends, family, education and career and use your cards in a high value way.

Notice the difference? Having or being a trait is neutral, using or doing it is what determines your value in the big picture. Mistakes are mistakes and I won't get into how many mistakes it takes to change the big picture.

But I'm not pretty and handsome men won't date me!

Now we're talking standards not value. Some people don't want to date people who have not been dealt aces (good looks, lots of money) no matter how great, consistent, loving, fun and charming the person is. You can be superb and not up to someone's standards (or they not be up to yours no matter how great a person they are).

However you feel about this is fine: sad, angry, jaded or neutral. How you act out your feelings will affect your value, though. - It hurts but you don't engage with people like that and move on? Great! - You decide to make angry rant after angry rant about how shallow attractive men are, ignoring that plenty of cute guys would want to date you? Not so great.

You can be ugly, poor, high value and not up to someone's standards. Does it make sense?

Like, men can be high value and short, some women don't want to date them, fine! A high value woman knows this and doesn't really mock a man because he is short. When you see a woman complaining about short men, she mocks him because he can't accept her standards and that is low value. Just like it is low value if I don't accept soeone's standards and try to attack them for it (oh you date 20k-a-year men? you're a pickme -- low value behavior).

On the flip side, you are completely free to set whatever standards you want. Whether you won't date a guy who makes less than 100k or if you don't care as long as he's independent and responsible is completely up to you. A high value woman rejecting a man because of her standards does not mean she rejected him because he was low value.

The thing is, most men are at best low value, so chances are whenever a woman rejects a man it's because he's low value, regardless of what cards he was dealt (money, looks...).

If a woman wouldn't date your husband because he is not up to her standards in any way, and you take offense, that is your own insecurity to handle. If you feel intimidated by someone else's standards it might be that you secretly wish you had the courage to have those same standards but you don't allow yourself to admit it.

Don't blame other women's standards for your own repressed needs or the fact you settled for a man you didn't want, blame patriarchy for that and keep supporting and being supported by other women here in FDS.

To recap: 1. What you have, are or feel does not determine your value, it's neutral. 2. What you do or how you use what you have/are/feel does determine your value. 3. Other woman's standards do not determine your value or the value of your partner. What determines value is point 2 only.

What are your thoughts on this??