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The Partner Model

Jay-quellen · 2020-02-28T03:56:02+00:00

Thi$ is Uncomfortable - When money makes it weird (Podcast) "In this episode of “This Is Uncomfortable,” we find out what happens when one person...

Jay-quellen

February 28, 2020

7 upvotes

/r/FemaleDatingStrategy

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Post Information

Title	The Partner Model
Author	Jay-quellen
Upvotes	7
Comments	3
Date	February 28, 2020 3:56 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/faophm/the_partner_model/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/the-partner-model.681356 https://theredarchive.com/post/681356

Comments

[–]booooooooooooooooooFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

This was so touching at the end when Nika is able to move forward with Terence as a real team. She had to let go of her stubbornness and secrecy and trying to shoulder every debt on her own; he let go of his money-minded ambitions. What they created by doing so is a really powerful dynamic where both people are vulnerable and totally committed to making their life together work in a mutually beneficial way.

That being said, I do worry about Nika not having her GTFO fund anymore. I hope she's able to build one up again after putting it all toward debt. And when they were first budgeting, Terence could have given Nika some going to the movies cash, damn, he already went so far as to blend their expenses, why not make it totally even at that point? But overall I'm really hopeful for them.

Would I have moved in with a bf (not fiance) for financial reasons? I don't know, tbh. I've never had $100k in loans haunting my dreams. But in my current situation, I would not. Maybe if he pays me a full salary for the privilege.

[–]Jay-quellenPickmeisha™️[S] 4 points5 points6 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

So, I really liked the episode even though she does break a few rules (and she knows it!), like moving in together before getting engaged, but she does primarily from a pragmatic financial lens (paying down her own overwhelming student loans) and not with the hope of "bringing them closer together." And she fully prepared for if shit hit the fan, she was prepared to move out and sign a new lease the next day.

I think him helping chip away at her student loans every month was his way of giving her more "going to the movies cash," so she wouldn't feel so cornered into to make the minimum loan payment on her own every month and could have more breathing room. It's also telling that he had no idea how expensive it is just being a woman.

And yes, I agree she does need to re-establish her GTFO money. But I'm pretty confident that she is set up for success because of how much she's already invested in herself by way of education and related professional network - as long as she maintains both, she should always have something to fall back on.

I also found it interesting how they managed to establish a communication system that quantified sentiments. It makes it very obvious when one person is being completely railroaded, and totally negates the fallback of "I had no idea how important this was to you" and the classic, "JuSt CoMmUnIcAtE wItH hIm. Tell him how you feel."

Thanks for listening to it! I hope more people do, too, because I think it will make for an interesting conversation. Life is messy and not always straight forward!