Please don't be me. It's all I have to say now. Please never let go any of your standards or you will end up losing yourself. I'm a long time lurker, first time poster.

In 2016 I met a guy who was great "on paper". He was studying for a great profession, was handsome and funny, seemed to succeed well despite coming from a poor, single parent family in a small town, and was very interested and available to me from the first moments. We both wanted a serious relationship, eventually a marriage and a child of our own. Back then we were in our early 20's. But. He already had a small child, an accident from his teen years, and he was crazy bitter to the mother of the child.

I had a standard not dating guys with children, especially if the kids are still small, usually there are many unclear things still to settle with the ex. But I decided to let my "too strict" standards go, as I was regularly told by everyone I'm too picky. I am objectively a good looking young woman, I work in tech, I'm economically well settled and I've served in the military, I consider myself a great person in general and I didn't see why I should settle for anyone who doesn't also have most of these traits. But I decided to become "less picky".

During the next three and a half years, the guy ended up cheating on me with his ex - the mother of their child - as well as with at least four other women. He would always hoover me back, and I as a total idiot, went back to him many times. As people kept telling, I shouldn't be so picky, or judgmental, everyone makes mistakes, forgive him. He would call me whore and a slut on any occasion. He borrowed a lot of money from me, and when he had to pay back he would call me a stingy jew who never helps loved ones. He would make up fights about anything - he could yell at me for hours, push me away and call me with horrible names if he found a 10-year-old comment on my super old Facebook photos where some guy was saying I was pretty. That's just one example. A few times he attacked me, strangled me, kicked me and threw me around the house out of petty things, once we had to go to a hospital because I dislocated one of my fingers after the jumped on me. I told the doctor I tripped. After all that he would just blame me, I caused him to act like this and besides he didn't even hit me in the face with a fist so it shouldn't matter. He went through my phone, my computer, my stuff, even my trash, on a regular basis. Also when the time frame for children approached, he suddenly changed his mind about having a family with me, but expected me to stay beside him without asking for anything for myself. Still, I finally moved in together with him. He immediately stopped having sex with me at all, and only wanted to play online games for any free time he had beside sleeping and work. He didn't want to have anything to do with me anymore, but wanted me to stay beside him anyway. That's when I realised I can't do it anymore. Took me long enough...

After this horrible experience and years wasted, I've finally realised I shouldn't let go of fairly basic standards I have, because then I will just end up compromising more and more on things that actually matter for my happiness and life. Never settle for less than you deserve. When a man sees you lower a standard for him, he can and will crap on you.