This is usually how it goes. She probably doesn’t even have a clue

Throwaway account, but long-time lurker

Ironically both my wife and I are high sex drive individuals. The problem is I find myself less and less physically attracted to my wife to the point where I’d simply prefer not to have sex with her. She has really let herself go (her BMI now registers as 33.6, which is considered obese) the past 10-15 years. Initially, I had no room to judge because of everything she went through physically for our three kiddos….but our youngest is now 10yo? I’ve kinda grown weary of allowing that to be an excuse any longer. Currently we have sex 1-2 times a week, and she complains that isn’t enough and quite frankly it’s too much for me. I enjoy her company, but I can’t honestly say I want to be physically intimate with her any longer.

Quick back story. We’ve been married for close to 22 years, three amazing kids, all girls. I’ve got some grey hair to show for it. Been together for 27 years. She was on the collegiate dance team, me, well I just exercised routinely. Always have. We were both in great shape back in our early 20’s, like most folks. We are both very good people. Very caring and generous with our friends and family. And to be clear, I’m not contemplating divorce. I’ve seen what divorced people get when they seek greener pastures. Typically, you wind up trading one problem for another. Nobody is perfect.

Everybody claims communication is key to a successful marriage, yet the subject of a woman’s weight is somehow taboo. Why is this? Others suggest to simply be tactful when bringing it up? Yeah right, that’s impossible without a woman immediately becoming defensive. Side bar - My mother is morbidly obese and I have seen firsthand the toll it takes on my father, who like me, exercises routinely. He’s in great shape and my mother requires a cane to get around. She’s only in her early 70’s. It’s her diet and her sedentary lifestyle, it’s not a medical condition. Our family trips require a wheelchair because of her weight, she can’t walk for extended periods of time. I don’t want to be married to my mother later in life. I’m 49 and keeping the weight off gets harder and harder. I’m in great shape and I want to keep it that way. I exercise 6 days week alternating running/lifting days. I know exercising is hard, if it was easy, we’d all be in great shape. The irony is she has more time than I do to exercise. She has to be at work by 9:30am where I have to be at work by 8:00am. She even gets home before I do because she works with doctors who once they make their rounds she is free to leave. She simply prefers not to exercise. It’s not a house chores issue either as I carry more than my share of the household responsibilities. So much so that I seriously contemplated divorcing her over that issue 3+ years ago because I felt like I was doing everything. Perhaps I’ve enabled this behavior over the years by making her life too easy?

I’m just curious if anybody has ANY constructive advice to give me? I’m feeling stuck between a rock and a hard place.