I haven't been on my laptop in forever, but since I'm working from home I've been using it quite a bit lately. I came across a letter I wrote a year and a half ago to my ex and I wanted to share.. just cause.

Well.. you did it.. and I guess I knew all along that you would. You broke my heart but you've been doing it little by little.. every day that you didn't show me you loved me and kept pushing me away. I knew.. knew.. KNEW getting involved with someone who had just stopped using meth was a really really really bad idea. You were one month out.. if that.. probably less.. and I've read often enough that it's a bad idea to get involved with someone who was recently sober. Not that you ever truly were since the drinking was always an issue... even when you weren't drinking you were still a drunk. I even thought in the beginning that I was just a temporary replacement for the addiction. The way you "loved" me after only a couple weeks.. and only after I had second thoughts and questioned whether the red flags were truly red or not (hint: they were! bright bright red!) I knew I was just the latest dopamine rush to your brain. And yet I still hoped.. even as I asked if we weren't in it for the long haul to tell me so I didn't continue my relationship with your daughter and end up hurting her in the process as well. Well you didn't and here we are.. I'm hurt.. you're hurt.. your daughter's hurt. Nice job. I get that you wanted me to be enough. That you recognized I was the healthy choice to love. But when the newness of it ran out, so did your ability to feel it as love. I just wasn't crazy enough to keep the brain chemicals going and since that's the only way you've ever known love it really is just what it is. It would take years and years of therapy, if even that, to reprogram your brain to be able to be happy with a nice stable loving and giving woman like me. And that's sad. But sad for you. Not for me. I will eventually move on and find somebody who will be the right fit for the love and care I'm willing to give and will want to give it back to me. And you will just be a distant memory.. a lesson learned. While I will forever be the one you were never good enough for.