Twenty years ago this week marked the official start of the relationship that has defined, changed, and scarred my life going forward. Met her on June 24, 2000. I was 33 and she was 23. First date July 2, and she then met my family at a July 4 picnic.

For the next 18 years I experienced the best and worst moments of my life.

The first five months were a total honeymoon unlike anything I had ever experienced. I thought I hit the Powerball jackpot. Then in late November I got her pregnant.

Later there were some complications, a premature labor, but all turned out ok health wise. Bought a house and moved in together May 2001. That’s when the cracks began to show in our “perfect “ life.

Living together 24/7 was such a different dynamic than seeing each other 2-3 days a week and spending weekends together.

I began to realize that instead of an equal partnership where we both pulled our weight she was basically the equivalent of another child that needed taken care of.

Our son was born August 2001. An unconfirmed case of post-partum depression made things worse. The mood swings and extreme jealousy went from periodic to nearly constant. I was able to allow her to be a SAHM but I ended up feeling like I was walking on eggshells constantly.

We went to counseling for a few weeks but did no good. In early December after a huge fight she took the boy and moved back to her parents’ house for a few months, although we never officially broke up. Still saw each other 3-4 days a week, still were intimate, no custody issues, etc.

We ended up moving back in together later in 2002, but it was never as blissful as that honeymoon period. As I’ve posted previously, it was a roller coaster relationship where things were great for a while and then we would be at each other’s throats.

I always tried to keep things together because in my mind, this was my family and a man has to “do what it takes”.

She started working when our boy entered pre-K but she never really contributed much financially to the household. She had a very expensive rabbit breeding hobby that sucked out most of her money and over the years required ever increasing subsidies from me.

We had our good times, bad times, suffered through job losses and the loss of both my parents and her dad. But it always seemed like I could never do enough for her. I paid 90% of the bills, cooked, cleaned, did laundry, maintained the vehicles, took our son everywhere to doctor/dentist etc.

Her excuse was her 11 PM-7 AM retail job that required her to sleep during the day and the time it took to take care of her rabbits that kept her from doing more. The thing that always pissed me off the most was when I would come home after working 8 AM-4PM and make supper, then she would need to “nap” again for a couple hours before getting up to get ready for work for the evening.

It never got close to an equal partnership in my eyes, and I know although I never cheated and never thought to leave, I became passive aggressive and resentful at times so I wasn’t perfect. But, I never stopped trying to take care of everyone and make them happy.

Well, this chapter came to an end in April 2018 when she left after hooking up with her younger co-worker because I “wasn’t fulfilling her emotional needs anymore”.

Our son was 16 so there were no custody issues and the house never had her name on it. It was painful to see our family split, but in these two plus years I’ve found MGTOW and my bond with my son has just gotten stronger.

She didn’t go to a single one of his basketball games his entire senior year, but since she lost her job due to Covid she had time on her hands and has tried to reconnect with him.

My son graduated from high school as an honor student and earned a partial academic scholarship to our local community college where he will also fulfill his dream of playing basketball at the next level.

I wouldn’t trade a moment with my son for anything, or the time he got to spend with my dad before he passed. I love him and am so proud of him.

But, the relationship with my now ex has made me much worse off financially than I ever thought I’d be at this age. I’ll be “ok” in the long run but not where I hoped to be after all the debt I took on over the years to subsidize her life.

I have not been on a single date since we split. I have no desire to even attempt to “pump and dump” because for an average looking 53 year old like me, the pickings are so slim, the juice isn’t worth the squeeze. At this point in my life I can’t jump through hoops for women‘s validation anymore.

I can’t deal with anyone else’s teenage or adult kids, and have no desire to try to “make anyone happy” other than myself, and my son.

I’ve had moments where I thought about seeing an escort, but even that turns me off the more I think about it. Shelling out cash to get your rocks off with someone whose been run through thousands of times a year just isn’t for me, and that kills any bit of momentary desire I have to “scratch the itch” with a pro.

I worry sometimes that my total lack of desire to be with a woman means I have an underlying health issue but I’m just going to keep eating right, staying fit, and living a quiet, peaceful life doing what I want, on my terms. Women to me at this point are like tigers, panthers, jaguars, etc. I still admire their beauty from afar but know better than to get too close because it won’t end well.

Thank you to any brothers who finished reading this. The world, and me, has changed a lot in 20 years. I appreciate all the lessons learned from MGTOW and urge any younger men to follow this philosophy at an early age.