First, a little about me:

-I am the oldest of 3 siblings.

-Raised by a (mostly) single mother who’s been divorced twice. She’s married to my second stepdad now.

-My real father passed away right after I graduated high school and the last time I saw him alive I was 4 years old.

-I’ve always had a keen self-awareness, especially when it came to monitoring my thoughts, feelings, and surroundings.

-I was raised Christian, so I had a lot of fear-based programming when it came to lusting after women, fantasizing about sex, and being cast down to hell for it all. This made my Mr. Nice Guy archetype even more cringe. Imagine fully believing that you were flirting with a girl because you’re “expressing interest” and “being nice/sweet/genuine/etc” while expressing no sexual goals/intentions.

-I was confusing and mysterious to women until I opened my mouth. Once I got to yapping I killed all attraction by giving away everything about me too soon. And it seemed that Chads never talked to the girls much unless they were insulting them in some way, whether it be playfully or intentionally harsh. I didn’t understand how being rude to someone would be attractive.

-In high school I always despised Chads even though I didn’t know the term back then. And I always wondered why they got the girls when ultimately they were just a bunch of athletic douchebags who wore designer-brand polos and had zero intellectual/philosophical depth. And I was an athletic wannabe philosopher who would have given my crush anything she wanted: time, attention, companionship, devotion. These guys fucked every girl and then fucked them over and I hated them for it. But I was really just jealous. How were they doing it so shamelessly?

-I have the body and face of a Chad but the mental programming and body language of a beta. And I’ve always been aware of this. I have always known that I was Mr. Nice Guy, but lacked the perspective (Red Pill) to act against and ultimately correct my programming. I just always knew that I never handled situations with women well at all. I was too thoughtful and considerate. And I came across as awkward because my intentions were subconsciously sexual but my actions are only friendly because I was consciously terrified of sex. I always knew this and felt it deeply.

So my question is, are Chads self-aware that they are indeed Chads? Do they just intuitively grasp Red Pill wisdom? Is the truth of female nature more obvious to them from a going age? How much of this has to do with having a dependable father/father figure in their life?

This post was all over the place but hopefully someone out there can relate. Thanks for reading.