First I just want to say that I'm not the kind of person who demands expensive gifts but we do gift each other a lot of things.
I and my boyfriend have been together for 10 years. We live together, and we have a 4yo daughter. I was waiting forever for him to propose. So I was really excited when my sister told me that my boyfriend asked her which kind of ring would suit me and he sent her some pics from Tiffany's. I was super excited and hyped and I kind of guessed that he wanted to propose on our anniversary.
The day comes and I'm really excited. We went out for a romantic dinner, got back and when we were watching a movie he suddenly got down on his knees and asked me if I wanted to marry him. I said yes and then he showed me the ring. It was not even a new one. It looked old and the stones looked average at best. When I asked him about that he told me that his mother gave him her ring. He told me that it had a great sentimental value since his father was the only man his mother ever truly loved and I'm the only woman he'll ever love. His father is no more, and his mother gave it to him.
It's all sweet and cheesy but it doesn't look great. Also, I don't want the begining of my new life to start with a second hand ring. When I told him this, he was very upset and told me that he never thought I was so materialistic and he just left. He's not even answering any of my messages or calls. Was I wrong? AITA?
[–]NightOuts23 points24 points25 points (1 child) | Copy Link
lol at getting married in 2019. dude got on his knees like a good little servant.
[–]Perrero15 points16 points17 points (0 children) | Copy Link
But probably got redpilled in one instant.
[–]scaur15 points16 points17 points (1 child) | Copy Link
Prematurely showed who she really is.
[–]rebelde_sin_causa10 points11 points12 points (3 children) | Copy Link
smart guy for walking right then, dumb guy if he lets her talk her way back into it
she showed her true colors
[–]Dark_Shroud4 points5 points6 points (2 children) | Copy Link
He's already fucked, they've been together for ten years, live together, and have a kid.
Ten years is the magic number in California and other states for common law marriage status.
The only issue of importance is she didn't say yes so he still has some wiggle room depending on the state.
[–]something_thoughtful0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
Good thing Florida doesn't have common law marriage.
[–]Dark_Shroud0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
There are several states that don't have it and its something that men need to be aware of. To keep it from happening and get some of our rites back. Basic shit like a man needs to be present to have his name on a birth certificate with a legal ID check that's logged with the signing.
[–]GuntherVonHairyballs4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
I like the one comment:
[–]Rogue3StandingBy2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
Jesus christ.
[–]NeverNeverLandIsNow0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
Yep she is the asshole no doubt.
[–]chevron_one0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
She was selfish and stupid for telling her fiance that. Marriage is never about one person. She's also stupid for being with a man for 10 years and having a kid WITHOUT getting married first. Now she wants a ring to show off? How anti-climatic.
[–]Squinky750 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
Apologize to him for being insensitive and tone deaf. You should be honored to wear the ring.
[–]DaniMW0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
I really don't think you're out of line for not liking the ring... YOU are the one who has to wear it on your finger the rest of your life, so of course you have to like it!
However, I do think you were out of line in the WAY you expressed yourself to your fiance. It was quite cruel to say you 'don't want a second hand ring' when he told you it belonged to his mother! I think you should apologize very sincerely for saying such a thing, and thank both him and his mother for being kind enough to offer you this ring which is a very special family heirloom to them.
After you have done that, you can revisit the topic of getting a ring that you like. You can explain to him that you love and appreciate him and his mother for gifting you that special family heirloom, but explain it's not to your taste. Suggest that you will put it away somewhere very safe to gift to your own daughter... perhaps even agree to wear the ring out occasionally if you think you can wear it on special occasions. Then remind him that you are the one who has to wear the engagement ring for the rest of your life, and suggest you go shopping together to pick a ring. Suggest it doesn't have to be expensive (so he won't accuse you of being materialistic again), but it has to be something you will be comfortable wearing for the rest of your life. If you are calm and rational sounding, he might go away and think about what you've said, and realize you have a point.
Good luck. I don't want you to be stuck with a ring you don't like forever, but I also don't want your fiance and his mother to feel insulted that you don't appreciate their trusting you with this beautiful and special family heirloom. If you handle things carefully, I think you will all patch things up, get a nice ring that you like, AND have a good marriage and good relationship with your MIL. <3
[+][deleted] (2 children) | Copy Link
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[–]Docbear644 points5 points6 points (1 child) | Copy Link
In a world that likes to tell men what women are while ignoring ugly stories like this , subreddits like this that concentrate all those experiences are a saving grace. It's easy to wave away that this is an isolated incident until you read different men from different parts of the world, cultures, ethnicities, and backgrounds reliving the same experiences.
We aren't dwelling on the negative we just see it and bring live examples back here to share with other men .
[–]rooster-one4-2 points-1 points0 points (0 children) | Copy Link
My comment was that it was just a story with no context or anything thrown up for comment; it's something to just generate something non-specific, it's not leading to any conclusion, it's not informing anybody....it was just a story posted and that's it.
Now, if the OP posted something anecdotal or a summary on why he thought it was important, that'd be different because it would have been posted with a direction in mind.