I feel like I have to excessively work on myself to be at least rarely considered attractive by a woman. I have to be in shape, be educated, get a decent job, be confident, have passions, be funny and entertaining. That sounds dreading in the long term. At the same time a lot of women have requirements men have barely any control over like height or your size down there.

When it comes to getting to know each other most of the time have to do the approaching, be interesting, ask for the number, ask the girl out, sometimes pay for the whole date, innitiate kissing and lead to sex WHILE simultaneously putting ourselves at risk of being rejected AT ALL TIMES, sometimes unnecessarily harsh. Meanwhile it feels like women simply have to sit back and either accept or reject.

The performance during sex is mostly carried by men. If there are any issues it's more often than not their fault.

Also, some men do EXCESSIVELY much work to get some women, i.e. learning seduction, pickup and/or straight up learn to manipulate women. They even talk to complete strangers on the street and get rejected countless times. How many large communities are out there for women struggling with men?

When I talk to someone about this issues it just gets shrugged off ("It is the way it is"), I get discredited as whiner and told to man up ("a REAL man does not complain about such things") or it simply gets denied. (women also have their struggle, they have to be... pretty!) Or the best option: "Date men then!" /r/AskMen even deleted my question several times. If there isn't even a place where I am allowed to talk about my struggles where the fuck can I??

Women get a ton of attention online, even when they're not that attractive while men struggle to get any at all when they don't fit certain criterias. (height) Women have a higher partner count on average. Women cheat more. Women get better treatment in court. Women have feminism, while men have no community with such a large base.

With these circumstances I think it's no wonder that communties like /r/incels, /r/truecels, /r/foreveralone, /r/TheRedPill, /r/niceguys, /r/menrights, /r/MGTOW and many more arise but I don't want to be part of such toxic environments, it doesn't feel right. At least in every sub it gets joked about how toxic it is - isnt my impression so far though.

I know life isn't fair but such a big discrepancy feels just off to me in a "civilized" society. I can't help but slowly begin to be bitter about this whole issue. Nobody does even seem to care about this. I acknowledge that women also have their own struggles but it feels like as a man I get the much shorter end of the stick.

I don't know what to do but being lonely just kills me inside and I'm just 20. Sometimes I just wish I was born as a heterosexual woman or a homosexual man. Can someone of the more experienced guys maybe change my view or give me some advice? I really don't want to be bitter but the truth goddamn hurts. And nobody cares about changing this imbalance of power within the sexes.