“Our emotions, your needs”

DrQuaalude · 2019-07-10T00:20:03+00:00

Just in case it gets deleted:

“I think there is a tendency for women to underaccount for how much emotional labor they generate.

Honestly, I'm not inclined to put a whole lot of thought into this question. The question itself so heavily loaded, its terms and premises rooted in a feminist discourse men aren't meaningfully able to participate in, that there really isn't much anyone can say, except to either agree in whole or in part, niggling over minor details.

For example, you write: "I've seen this in younger relationships where women will ask their partners to open up to them but their partners won't be willing to put the emotional work in, instead preferring to ignore that stuff."

Yes, I know. This belief is all the rage right now. Poor women trying to get their men to open up about their emotions, but they just won't. Too stubborn. Too emotionally underdeveloped. Must be all the male-power fantasy media they consume. Here's an unfortunate reality: Women, in general, have very little patience for men's emotions that don't suit their needs. Our emotions aren't really concerned over, except insofar as they affect women. Literally nobody cares if we're sad, depressed, feeling hopeless, defeated, anxious, confused, uncertain, unsure of ourselves, and so forth unless it affects them, in which case it's usually a problem for them. Nobody wants to hear it. Typically it just upsets them because we are less valuable as emotional outlets for their own feelings, less firm rocks in a turbulent sea, or whatever other purposes our emotions may be recruited for. Men's emotions are not for us, as they are constantly being hijacked for someone else's needs. Sometimes these are broad social goals, but mostly these are the needs of a domestic partner. To ensure men remain useful emotional receptacles, we are punished our entire lives for demonstrating emotion beyond a narrow band of acceptability, typically situational: e.g., we're supposed to be courageous when that is what is required of us, angry when that is what is required of us, loving when that is what is required, and so forth. Anything else is routinely, often brutally shamed.

Now your instinct here is to come up with something about how it's men who are punishing other men for being emotional (i.e. the ol' "don't be a pussy"). However, this is a myth. First of all, when men call each other "pussies" (qua coward) or some variant, it's typically to spur action, not punish emotion. Secondly, men share a great deal more emotional content with each other than women think they do. Other men are almost always the safer choice, because---and here's the secret---women are far more punishing of men's emotions than we are. We may not be crying on each other shoulders, but other men are usually our only avenue for discussing and exploring our own emotions without fear of judgement. This is a lesson we learn many times: Displaying any emotion except for the one which is demanded of us almost always results in a worsening of the situation, isolation, and shaming. Displaying unwanted emotion is how you get friendzoned by your own girlfriend or wife. Hell, a man's flagging self-confidence is practically permission to cheat. Angry when that isn't what's desired? Enjoy being labeled "toxic." Not angry enough when we are to be someone's striking edge or meat shield? Not a man at all. Romantic interest in a woman is unrequited? Creep. A woman's romantic interest is unrequited? He's cold, doesn't know what's best for him, not interested in commitment, boyish, can't express himself, etc.

I've written more than I anticipated, and I realize that the preponderance of it doesn't address my initial claim--namely the emotional make-work women generate. The connection is that our emotions are co-opted by women in order to serve their interests. Nobody cares if we prefer the white napkins to the taupe; the point is that we must demonstrate a sufficient level of care and engagement in the question in order to reassure an insecure women of our commitment to the relationship, which in our minds have nothing to do with each other. Our emotions, your needs. Well, sometimes you don't get what you want.”

Careful_Description · 2019-07-10T00:40:56+00:00

This is a good mine.

~~TLDR~~ SUMMARY OF THE ORIGINAL COMMENT AND SOME REPLIES BELOW:

Women don't consider the overwhelming emotional labor that they ask from their man
Women don't consider the great task of being a part of the emotional troubles a man has
Women have a pre-conceived idea of the emotional challenges of her man. It is always wrong.
When she finds out it's wrong, she doesn't love him
Nobody cares about men's emotion
Women can't actually handle their man opening up to them. They load their problems on others, while men deal with his own.
If a man can't handle his emotional trouble anymore, and has to load it on her woman, it will be a different level beast she could not have imagined and WILL FAIL
On top of all this, men have to answer her call of opening up in a way that doesn't put him in the friend zone (100% friend zone guarantee if he gets it wrong).

EDIT: I'm trying to find the post of the guy who opened up to his gf about getting raped as a kid, and she admits he went from a Chad to falling out of love really fast. Like boner kill equivalent for women regarding love.

Actually...

EDIT #2: The REAL TLDR:

Women think they should get you to open up but find out your emotions are more than they can handle. Also your emotions are a boner killer, and put you in the friend zone.

deadBeefCafe2014 · 2019-07-10T00:11:55+00:00

Top comment ... holy shit level of brilliance!

AeternusDoleo · 2019-07-10T00:40:24+00:00

Heh. And they wonder why so many of us choose to go our own way... Ahh, sweet consequences. That's another burden the new, female Atlas may shoulder...

Mister_Mask · 2019-07-10T10:19:23+00:00

There’s a fuckload of redpills in those comments.

[deleted] · 2019-07-10T00:48:17+00:00

It makes sense if you put a semi-permeable wall between the man and woman. She will glee and smile so long what she receives is to her benefit and desires. Who the man is not worth much thought and can be replaced with another man offering better goods.

However, male awakening has removed the barrier. Simps and manginas turned around pretending the wall is still there and trying harder to appease the monster.

MGTOW walked off the shitty situation.

[deleted] · 2019-07-10T06:10:52+00:00

Haha. If real men opened up with their real emotions toward those women, this trend would die extremely fast.

BTSNP4th · 2019-07-10T13:38:51+00:00

Women have emotions, but men have feelings.

Title	“Our emotions, your needs”
Author	DrQuaalude
Upvotes	43
Comments	11
Date	July 9, 2019 11:44 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MGTOW
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MGTOW/comments/cb8uuo/our_emotions_your_needs/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MGTOW/our-emotions-your-needs.431378 https://theredarchive.com/post/431378

Comments

EDIT #2: The REAL TLDR: