Hey guys, I am 20 years old and i feel like all my parents want from me is to be their source of validation. Whenever I talk to them about what I want to achieve for myself they dismiss it. If i don't talk about grades and money my dad doesn't encourage me at all and he is very self-centered (understatement). My father never sat with me to talk about what I could do in the future. Recently I've been taking care of my health and i am progressing on my own. Did anyone here have an emotionally unavailable parent (especially father)?
[–]nosoupforyou5 points6 points7 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
Emotionally available in the sense of like supporting you to become someone. Like talking to you like you as if you were a person.
[–]nosoupforyou2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]JStheHammer 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]2QuietDude1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]klim_milk1 point2 points3 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link
When It's written, it comes off as entitled because it's not really explained in details. My father doesn't want me to have good grades for my own, he wants good grades so he can say/appear as a good successful father. And when I say money I am saying he wants me to do the job that makes money so he can also come off as successful. In the family, everyone has to stop everything and serve him when he wants to. If you don't, you're met with rage and demeaning behavior. I am 20 and he still treats me and everyone in the family like that. I am slowly imposing boundaries but looking at myself, I realized my upbringing was oriented towards self-sacrificing and pleasing my parents.
[–]klim_milk1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
The comparing is done often by my mother. My father gets angry when I am not good enough compared to others. Yeah I saw that Jordan Peterson said that when your parents have no idea how I help you your relationship with them should be that of peers. It's pretty rough when my father is at the same time jealous of me and scared that my independence might hurt him. Gas lighting is very common. I am always under fight or flight, always restless. It's tough and I am slowly drawing boundaries.
[–]klim_milk1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Mechnasty2 points [recovered] | Copy Link