I have committed myself to go my own way. I have hit rock bottom.. Next year I will be 30 and I don't have anything where i want it to be in life. Financially, Physically, Emotionally and Mentally..

I constantly beat myself up and am my own worst critic. I was homeschooled and don't know many people. The few women in my life only talk to me when no one else is paying attention to them, and only seem semi interested if i take them to lunch/dinner or hangout.. but the second I hint at romance I get shut down, and they always get silent after our "dates" and then i always find out they've fallen in love, always with someone new that's in a better place or has nicer things than me. My latest and LAST experience is my "friend" decides to set me up with a co-worker blonde, gorgeous woman i may add. We talk a bit, and as usual she never asks me any questions, she just talks a lot about herself, I being the dumbass I am fall for it, talk and console her, i start taking her out to dates etc.. when we kissed it was mainly pecks on the lips. nothing more than 2 seconds. Long story short my buddy tells me he was actually fucking her a few months ago, they were fwb. The confusion on my end and what hurt is the few times sex DID come up she shut it down instantly, saying she doesn't want sex to be a big deal in the relationship and she wants things to be "different".. WHAT. THE. FUCK.. One of the many benefits of being in a relationship is sex, am I wrong here?
So, I have a talk with my so called friend, turns out, he was still fucking her the whole time and she just wanted me around to "be there" when she needed someone.. cause my "friend" has no interest in that aspect.. This crushed me. The SAD TRUTH is 95% of females are superficial and materialistic. They may claim otherwise but it's never the case, you are the best thing that's happened to them UNTIL someone with more money or better looks comes along.. In my experience you can forget what you see in movies where the "good guy" gets the girl or "the nice guy" gets lucky.

To anyone in a similar situation, stop letting women leach off of you. Go with your gut and trust no one.. You're not an asshole for putting yourself first, they're the assholes for using you and taking advantage of your loneliness and insecurities.

I have a long road ahead of me with a lot of work to do, but I've decided this is my best option now. I'm focusing on myself and putting myself first for once. I'm gonna give it a go on my own, I'm going my own way.