This is mostly just going to be me venting, as I already know what needs to be done, but I just cant seem to get my head straight. I'm more than ready to move on with my life after being in a sexless marriage for the past four years. Tired of being blamed for everything. Was more than forgiving when I was cheated on by my wife of eleven years, seven different men of which I know. Before you say anything... yes. I should have ended it long ago. I'm repulsed by my own choice to continue the relationship but I am a hopeless romantic that desired more than I was attaining in the relationship. Granted I wasn't the perfect mate. Chose alcohol over family. Was abusive, mostly due to the reaction of her infidelity and the anger it provoked in me. I am not proud of the man I was. She would justify and try to lessen the severity of her actions by stating that I was first to have an affair with alcohol.

We both agree that the relationship is over. I want more than nothing to move on, to be happy again. Alone is the best option. If there wasnt a quarantine it would be much easier. She is making it extremely hard for me. Playing mind games. Some days telling me how she never wants to be with me ever again. Others how she loves me. It's enough to drive a man insane. I hate how weak I am that I even placate to her delusions. I've become enraged having to sit and watch as she has amorous conversations through text with other men and then being left with our children as she leaves to fulfill her erotic desires. It's torture.

I'm having a hard time swallowing the red pill. It keeps working it's way back up. Trying to morph into the blue pill... but the blue pill isn't welcome. I cringe at the thought of turning a blind eye to the self evident.

I retract my statement. I may know what needs to be done but I don't know how to do it. Any advice, words of encouragement, to get me through this situation is more than welcome. I no longer have friends because of my marriage, so... in desperation, I am turning to you... the men of the world that have already been enlightened.