Trying

I moved country for my now ex. It’s been a month since we broke up and we still live together. I have watched her for the past 4 weeks go off to different men, come home and brag about it to me. I took a bar job to get me out the house but they let me go after 2 weeks because they could see the torment in my eyes, they want me to get my head together.

I still haven’t found a new place to live even though my family are offering to pay 3 months rent in advance.

My business is failing because I can’t pull myself out of this spiral of torture, every day I see her going off to someone else, the woman I love. I have never felt so alone in my life and while I know that going it alone should find me peace, I cannot get it out of my head that this will be my end.

I have considered killing myself so many times, right now as I write this, I want to end things. I’m lost, I’m so very lost.