long time lurker, first time poster (sorry for my bad english in advance)

this community had helped me to overcome my fear of being alone in the upcoming future. when i was 22 years old (i am now near to my thirtys) i got my first experience with women and since then i should have gone MGTOW to avoid as much trouble as possible.
but lets start at the beginning.

my first "girlfriend", she was 18 years at the time, cheated on me with a guy from spain she knew barrely. she was on a cruiseship with her mother and one of her brothers. at this time i didnt even thought of a possibility that she even could cheat with someone while her mother and brother is around. she met this guy while on a landtrip off of the boat. i dont know every details but at the end she STAYED in spain with this guy and his family and was cutting all bonds to her family.
i found out because the mother came after the trip to me and told me under tears.

that was the first and not only time i was cheated on and thought this would just be a unique thing. its only because of these women, not women in general. blablabla dont give every detail but you guys get it.

my first time i had with a woman close after the breakup from the first girlfriend. i felt fast in love with her. but she didnt. she ghosted me right after i wanted to do things more often with her, because yea the dumb shithead i was and running right after her. the funny thing about this woman: she contacted me 2 month ago. wanted to meet me, do things again togehter. just to remind you: we had our last contact over 7 years ago.

in this seven years i got my bachelor degree in mechanical engineering and am now close to my master in electrical engineering. so yea, she got that information from a friend of mine who is still in contact with her.
but i am now much more desillusional and dont want any girl in my life. my mother told me never to marry or have kids and i am glad that in all these years i always used condoms.

i am totally done with women in general. avoid every conversation, contact or even eye-contact in public transport.
i had depression in the last years and was a total let down. i had a big fear of joblessness and still have it.
i was a civil servant before my university-time but resigned because of this golden cage (they can make any decision over your head, can deside where you live etc.) but i had jobstability and income. this fear of joblessness in relation to my civil servant-time is still a big problem, since i hadnt this fear before but i was unhappy with my situation there.

so maybe one of you guys could tell me something about that fear (maybe older guys). you guys gave many good advices in other posts. hope for your experience of life.

thanks for reading