The most important thing in my life, is to understand myself and the world around me. Understand my beliefs, why I do things, my unconscious biases, as well as what drives my behavior. Everything else is secondary. Even financial independence. Considering if I understand myself, it may not even truly be a goal or mine. Might just be fabricated by society and implanted in my psyche.

I’d be lying though if I didn’t say I have a lot of internal fights. I find it very hard to accept my negative aspects, but it’s even harder to find out what they are. Currently I realize I am a momma’s boy, a whiner, arrogant, jealous and a weak person. But my ignorance knows no bounds and I wonder how much I DONT know about myself, let alone the world.

I am also waiting magically for someone to come fix my problems, show me the best way forward and tell me everything is OK.

But who knows. The only thing I am certain about in my life is that I don’t know almost anything. That I am ignorant about the truth.

I just want this internal discomfort to go away. It makes me very critical of myself and I tend to be very mean to myself. I call myself a loser, a fat POS, an ugly man, less than intelligent among many other things.