I just recently commented on a post here about struggling with not helping others, with wanting to be a guiding, useful, generous force in the universe, but it being just too much of a risk for it to be feasible behavior to exhibit often. Writing this off the top of my head, excuse the hurried wiring.

I helped a young man avoid suicide tonight. He was out in the cold, off the back of an altercation, abandoned without any resources, and many days (and miles) away from the flight back home. Saw him fighting with his girl a few hours earlier, left, when I went back home later, I saw he was pacing in the middle of the busy street, cars honking at him, while he was googlemaps-ing the nearest bridge to jump off of. Yelling. In pain, under dressed for th winter. Long story short I talked with him. And then talked with him more until he was able to come inside with me, cooked with him, had him do the dishes, talked and talked about life. He’s a young guy, no father raised by grandmother and sisters, mother was a user, dad was a no show. Completely lost. No self worth, but wants some. very very bright, and I do not say that without objective observation.

Was able to actually talk about the root of problems. It was such a vulnerable conversation, very open. He actually answers questions, and asks them, without the extreme shielding and disinterest that most people exhibit.

He was curious. Interested, mainly in there sheer idea that there was anything more to life. Said he’d never even considered before, he’d never talked like this... I’m almost crying now thinking back. It was tough talk. I did not baby him, it might have been one of the first times in his life he was treated like a real man. Be the end he actually deleted her number. By the end he He was apologizing to himself, looking inward for solutions, and reflecting on what actions he had done in the past that make him much the same as his walk-out father, and what actions he could take immediately to not be at all like his father, by the time he was leaving. We ate, and I gave him a change of clothes, asked him if he’s ready to go. His phone had been charging. 67%. He thanked me. I kicked him out into the night. Can’t get his look of newfound determination and yet deep pain out of my mind as he left my front door. 5 hour walk to the airport. I know he’ll make it.

Please pay it forward. Someone did for me.