A lot of what I see getting posted is idealistic and so I've written this post for mere mortals who might find themselves in compromised situations.

Firstly while this post is primarily about your relationship with women, some of this advice can and should also be applied to male "friends" in your life.

Start by taking an honest objective look at the females in your life. Make a mental list and start a brief summary of where things are at.

Ask the following questions :

  1. Is this person an overall positive influence on your psyche. Basically, do they make you feel good about yourself or not. Not that simple to answer because maybe they do only sometimes.

  2. How often do you actually see them, and how much of that is voluntary?

  3. Does having them in your life benefit you in any way, and if yes, exactly what.

  4. What are your overall objectives with this "friendship"? Do you want more, is this already a FWB, or is this a friendship with no benefits?

  5. What's the input to reward ratio?

  6. What's the reliability like? Has this person been decent in the past and is now acting shady? Or has this person given you any reason already to question their sincerity? Is this person simply flakey?

  7. How self-absorbed are they?

  8. Do they think they're a bit better than you?

Now before I continue, I would say most people I come across are simply airheads. Those that aren't also live active lives or like me also appreciate or require a considerable amount of me-time.

I guess I'm not unique in my experience that it's hard to actually make good friends with similar interests who you can just let your guard down around. You end up with these "mini" friendships or friendship lite edition and for the most part, they aren't worth their weight in toilet paper.

What I'm convinced of is that a lot of people don't really think about this stuff. I see it in the office a lot. People seem to be getting along very well, to the casual observer they might even seem like friends, but this isn't always the case. It's all a bit too surface for my liking.

Without much hesitation, the history of my friendships with females can be summarized as me sitting around listening to their problems or what's on their mind.

You might ask why then do I bother. I have exactly 2 distinct reasons.

  1. It boosts my status
  2. I like being around attractive women.

For this reason, I tolerate the lift/drag ratio, but only to a point.

There is such a thing as too much drag, and there's also such a thing as just getting plain old annoyed or not wanting to be around this person anymore.

Another thing is, I find guys don't do this. Guys are far better for companionship because they are actually capable of discussing subjects that aren't -> "I hate this person", "I love this person" or "I'm feeling like x today".

So without further ado, it's kind of simple. You simply stop making any effort at all.

Start by removing messages, you don't have to block or remove the contact completely, just remove the recent chats and stuff you have, so this person isn't directly in your line of thought if you're using WhatsApp or whatever...

Next absolutely make no effort. Don't ever initiate conversations or invites. If you see them greet them and just act normal.

Trust me you don't want to go down the whole "Is everything ok?" route.

Next just keep doing this. Chances are this person won't even notice for 1-2 weeks. After this their insecurity will start creeping up and they'll do everything in their power to gain some reassurance.

You don't have to be an asshole. Engage them in a polite way, and make mindless statements when probed such as "Yeah just really busy at the moment".

The key here is to appreciate they might need a hand weening themselves off you. So be a bit patient and gentle about it.

But absolutely once you've hit this point that you consider this person no good, then trust that instinct because otherwise, you'll be the one who gets burnt later, in some way shape or form.