I’ve been through shit you’ve only seen in movies, horrible, nightmarish shit that I wouldn’t wish upon my worst enemies.. I’m mentally scared and appear to others as only a shell of who I use to be, though the man Ive become feels like he’s only now becoming sentient.. I’ve chosen to pour my dark past into my creative works, and my very being. The path I took to get here might as well of been hell itself, though I’m thankful everyday that I walked it, because now when I look in a mirror, I’m faced with a person who I never thought I’d be.. a person of pure freedom.

I’ve come to accept that life has no purpose, pure and utter nihilism, and have learned to embrace death itself, i no longer fear it, if anything, I welcome it. As long as I immortalized myself in my creations, I can accept death.

Relationships have become trivial, friendships have become a nonessential, my future has been laid out, and my mind has been forever transformed. I feel I’ve achieved a level of independence and self respect that can only be achieved by walking through Hell itself.

I waked the grounds of my old elementary school one weekend and could see ghost of my younger self looking at me in fear and confusion, as if to saying “what’s going to happen to me?”. I look at my younger self as another life I’ve lived.. I feel as if my very soul has died and been reincarnated, though I don’t believe in reincarnation.

My only fear is the for-coming death of my parents. I feel the need to achieve my goals more than ever, I need to show them the greatness I’m able to achieve, I just hope time is on my side, and if it isn’t, I suppose I’ll die with a whole in my heart.