When I was young, I was constantly feeling down in the dumps. In everyone other regard of my life I was doing good, yet even the homeless drug addict and criminals had girlfriends. I felt so retarded and worthless to fail at something so simple that should never have been a problem to begin with. It seemed that whenever people had a conversation about this topic there was only endless criticism on how worthless of a person I was for not being in a relationship.

This sounds similar to what my parents used to say. That I was never good enough unless I was an overachiever who had so many hobbies and was perfect at almost everything. I used to ask them how could I improve so that they would accept me for who I am. They kept moving the goal posts and I never succeeded to meet their expectations.

Anyways, when I was in the middle of an argument on purple pill, I entered the red pill rage phase for a few days. But at one point, I remembered how laying down on the floor seemed to calm me down when I was a kid. So I found a nice patch of concrete and laid down. In a few minutes, I was drastically more relaxed and able to think more clearly.

When I was between 8 and 10 years old, I kicked ass. Those years form some of my fondest memories of my childhood. I can still see the authentic boy I left behind, the inner child who craves love but stopped getting it.

Why do I let other people decide my self worth?

Why am I trying to supplicate to people who don't have my best interests at heart?

Why do I seek sympathy from people who don't care about me?

Partaking in some hobby you have no passion for, and just going through the motions, all so that you're increasing your chance of getting validation from others? That is a massive waste of your own time and energy. It devalues you and your personality into being worth less than the momentary value of a stranger's passing fancy. You are telling other people "I am a doormat that deserves to be abused because I have no internal value". I basically sold my soul when it came to doing and enjoying things that I liked vs. whatever I replaced it with if it was "lame" or "uncool" in order to impress others and in order to fall better into a social group.

If you have the thoughts of feeling worthless take a step back and observe the feeling. Don't go on Reddit and post about it. Don't expect anyone to save you. Don't try to seek sympathy from internet strangers or people you know. You will end up in arguments with people because they will not understand your situation or care about and you will get angry for something that would have passed if you let go earlier.

One day when we are all old and laying on our deathbeds, we are going to look back on our lives. What do you think you'll be pondering then? That you wasted all those weekends reading, broadening your mind, contemplating differing points of view, analyzing new perspectives, studying and understanding new principles that will let you see life in an entirely different light?

Or do you think you'll look back in regret at not joining yoga class in the Summer of 2020, so that you would conform to someone else's (possibly mistaken, we are all human ) ideal of what everyone should aspire to? The old adage "You cannot please all the people all the time" really rings true here. And even if you do please them today, with the mere changing of the wind they can easily find something to hate you over tomorrow.