Since I have not posted in awhile and am waiting for my wife's period (when I usually post), which should have come and gone by now... I thought an overview of the process of frame was in order because it was something I always struggled with understanding.

Frame is in fact a process, not something that can come into being overnight. Another way to think about frame is in the context of a tree. A sapling (you new guys) cannot support as much weight as an oak (veterans).

Frame begins with planting the seed. The seed was most likely planted because your marriage sucked, you were not getting laid, and/or your life just seemed void of meaning. You begin looking for answers. You look internally and question what the hell your life has become. You look externally on the internet or in some books, and eventually you land here. You hear the word "Frame" for the first time and grasp at straws trying to understand what it means. A seed has been planted,. Many seeds are wasted and die, but some are nurtured and sprout.

In fact most seeds are just discarded by the world. The world (the people in your life, especially your SO) expect you do die. The surprise will be when you grow. After you read some stuff on the internet and think hard about your marriage and what a beta bitch you have been, you decide to stand up for yourself. This little sapling now thinks like an oak! That is good. And bad. Really it is both. It is good you finally did stand up for yourself, it shows you are willing to grow and change. It is bad because you are not ready to support the weight yet, and the world still does not think you will survive. At this point some will be snapped in half, give up, and go back being a little beta, but others will journey on and continue to get bigger (physically, intellectually, and emotionally).

To get away from the tree analogy, at the beginning of developing frame two detrimental things happen at the same time, and it is why developing frame and become an Oak is difficult. The first is you don't know how to stand up for yourself. You have been a beta for too long, so when you finally do show some backbone, you lash in anger and can damage your relationship further (this is why the advice for new people is to STFU). I made this mistake myself. You cannot be Rambo after being Bambi for years. The second detrimental issues is your wife does not believe you, your behavior is fake to her. She does not believe you because you have shown no consistency in this behavior, she thinks you are still the same drunk sailor (and she has every right to believe that).

The sapling stage really is make or break time. If you go too hard, you really can damage your marriage beyond repair and she will tap out. If your wife kicks your ass at this stage (remember the world does not think you will survive), you may give up and accept the fact you are a beta bitch for the rest of you life. If either of these happen, you are unlikely to develop a frame worth having.

You need to accept you will not have a strong frame right from the start, but you can have a strong concept of what you would like to become. You will not be an Oak just because you read on the internet that you should be one.

Instead of trying to be something you are not, you need to nurture and grow your sapling. In other words, don't act like you have some strong badass frame when you don't (and you won't at the beginning). You should follow the advice given in the 3 Elements of Frame: Physical, Intellectual, and Emotional. But just as important, understand frame is not something that magically appears overnight. It is something that grows, changes, and strengthens over time through lifting, reading, and recognizing your emotions and by being consistent in your outward stoic actions in interactions with your wife and others. Most importantly, be true and consistent with yourself to become the biggest oak in the forest.

The first time you stand up to a shit test, your wife will not believe you and really, you will not believe in yourself. The third time you present backbone she still won't believe you, but you may see a change in yourself. The tenth time she may start to see a pattern and you will become more comfortable being strong. After months and years of acting like an oak, she will expect an oak. After months and years of acting like an oak, you will become an oak. When you reach this point you will no longer need the concept of frame to prop you up, you will live frame.