We all get a victim puke, right? I thought I read that somewhere. At any rate, I don’t have anyone else to turn to, so I’m just going to spill some thoughts here if that’s cool. Whoever can delete things can delete this if it violates rules or something like that.

I’m miserable. I’ve done all the classic blue pill things. I’ve done everything she’s ever asked for in order to make her life better and when I want something for myself I’m a horrible dad who doesn’t care about his family. Maybe a covert contract? Idk. When I bring it up she says I’m “throwing my paycheck in her face.” It seems odd for her to say that when she seemed to take pleasure in using my paycheck.

Tonight, on our daughter’s first birthday, she told me she wanted divorce. She seemed serious this time. I don’t even want that. I still love her, or at least some part of me does. I’m just tired of providing my ass off to get the few things I want not provided to me.

I guess it’s true that you can’t engage in logical debate with a woman. At least I haven’t experienced it. No matter what I say it doesn’t seem to click with her.

I don’t know what’s going to happen next. I’ll be honest, even if I face a ton of ridicule here - I’m a little scared. I’ve done nothing right it seems with my interactions with my wife and now she resents me for it...or maybe not. Maybe she’s just saying I’m terrible to get in my head? Idk.

I don’t want divorce, and I don’t think I’m ready for it. I guess all I can do is just really hunker down and do everything I can to internalize the concepts laid out here.

I got into a car wreck a few days ago. I hit a tree after I fell asleep at the wheel. I’m okay, just mildly concussed. Really though? I wished I’d have died. I’m sick of feeling like a child, or a robotic provider that can’t seem to do anything right.

I’m going to do my best to make the best of whatever comes next, and that will start here.