I’m struggling today. Bills are pilling up. Can’t even look at my phone. Getting calls all day from collectors. I’ve found myself far away from who I used to be. Isolated. Not caring. I feel like this will never end. I used to be full of hope and optimism. I was tough as nails with mental resilience…I don’t know what’s wrong. Maybe the PTSD has taken over and I didn’t realize. That’s the weirdest struggle I’ve had. I don’t talk about it. I used to wake up in sweats, racing heart and yelling. Now, it’s turned into dreams of the memories I had with some people. All I want to do is sleep and live in those times. I don’t even know what makes them so special. It’s like I’m looking for a place that doesn’t exist. It’s the younger version of everyone I knew. Every night. In the town I grew up in. But it feels like there’s no rules and we are all close and in a survival mission. I feel happy in those dreams. I want to feel that when I’m awake