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Sudden realization I'm alone.

Xtrophy
March 19, 2023
32 upvotes
/r/MenSupportMen

Six months ago I had a major surgery that didn't go as planned and left me with a number of problems unrelated to the original surgery. I haven't been able to work since and in that time I dove into hobbies and interests I had in order to keep myself sane and occupied.

Yesterday I was talking with a friend that shared a specific interest with me and they told me that they didn't really pay attention to it anymore because they didn't have time. I understand that, but a realization hit me. They were the only one who shared this specific interest and I suddenly had no one to talk to about it.

What followed was a complete realization that while everyone around me are moving on with their lives I'm stuck. I may never function normally again, I'm a fall risk in any kind of movement, cognitively I'm not at the level I was before the surgery, and I may have to be on medications for the rest of my life to deal with it.

My Ex (who I am close with, we separated because she wanted kids and I didn't, it was a sad breakup from both sides) has moved into her dream career and bought a house, One roommate got his dream job and is currently looking to buy a house the other is out of state in the 6 figure level doing contract work saving for a house when he comes back. My two best friends have landed very serious partners and one just bought a place himself.

Meanwhile I am now bankrupt, in debt to everyone I know, and suddenly isolated as I don't really fit into plans with them anymore without even considering the difficulty it takes for me to be involved as it is.

I've had the same group of friends my whole life. The core of us met between Kindergarten and second grade, Two of us have pictures of us from almost 30 years ago.

And I'm crushingly depressed. I'm isolated, alone, depressed, sick, medicated, broke, and the worst part, it may not get better.

I'm not sure what to do anymore and I'm throwing words at the dark because I want to talk but don't have anyone to talk to.

​

Thanks for reading my rant, hope you guys are doing okay.

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Post Information
Title Sudden realization I'm alone.
Author Xtrophy
Upvotes 32
Comments 11
Date March 19, 2023 8:29 AM UTC (8 months ago)
Subreddit /r/MenSupportMen
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/MenSupportMen/sudden-realization-im-alone.1187117
https://theredarchive.com/post/1187117
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/mensupportmen/comments/11vfnio/sudden_realization_im_alone/
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Comments

[–]DrawerEither9136 10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I understand you, how you feel.

It is a shit world we live in. Im sorry for your pain man.

I too don t want kids in this wage slavery.

I have no other advice, im not religious freak, but try seeing from that perspective, it maybe helps you a bit.

[–]Xtrophy[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This world is a dark place. Thank you for taking the time to read and reply.

[–]ZulutheZebra 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I’ve been where you are at and it’s not a good place; here’s some thoughts I had based on your post and my own experience with similar situations:

  1. You mentioned being laid up and not able to work; this is very hard on men in particular. As much as we hate work at times, it gives you a daily structure and forces you to put aside your life problems for a while and focus on something else. On top of that there is an undercurrent of accomplishment every day that you don’t notice until it’s not there; “I went to work, fixed problems and made some money today”. When you don’t have that running in your mental background it can very much throw a wrench in your mental wellbeing.

  2. Perhaps in part to the above, you have tons of time to sit and circle your thoughts. You think about how well other people are doing and what a piece of shit you are. Do not fall for this trap. Literally every single person alive has problems, they just don’t talk about them. Believe me I struggle with this all the time even though I know the game; it typically is easier to ignore these thoughts when you have high self esteem. It’s when you are at your low points this hits hardest.

  3. It sounds like you are possibly facing some physical and mental limitations from your surgery; that’s some scary shit. I don’t care who you are, learning that you are going to live without the use of something that is considered normal and you have used your whole life is a huge blow. You have to accept the fact that it’s ok to not be ok for a while, and as long as you keep going one day you will adjust to it.

It’s easy to isolate and close off from people when things get bad like your situation, but that’s when you need the most support. If you have friends in your life, especially that have been with you a long time, spend more time with them. Obviously this will be limited by their own life and commitments, but try to see this as a rebuilding period if you can. It’s like a Hurricane came through and blasted your beautiful house and property into shambles. It’s appropriate to spend some time lamenting the loss, but the best way to move on is to start clearing away the rubble and considering what you want to build now moving forward.

[–]BlackoutWalksAlone 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm in a similar position. Stuck in a toxic situation with my dysfunctional family that I can't trust, I have no friends IRL or online and other than doing runarounds with doctors, there's not much else to do. Nothing fun at least. On top of that I am doing my best to work out my emotional issues, financial constraints and medical problems all on my own. I try my best but it's hard to keep my sanity. I really don't have any advice for you because I don't know the solution either. The most I've heard and stuck with is that you become completely nonfunctional and shitty for awhile but you end up taking a breath or a break whenever you can until you are ready to try again. Unfortunately, that's all I got.

Although, if this does make you feel any better or something, I'm pretty sure I'll be stuck alone in life too

[–]uniptf 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I'm really sorry for what you're experiencing.

I wonder if, given your current physical and cognitive limits, you might be able to find something below to help you get some work you can do:

This is three months old, but may still be relevant: "Here are some great companies that are really hiring remote positions."

https://www.reddit.com/r/WorkOnline/comments/sai3h6/here_are_some_great_companies_that_are_really

[–]Xtrophy[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Thank you very much for the information. I'll keep it as moving to remote full time in my current position isn't possible and I might need it soon as I no longer have any protections remaining for my job, they can let me go at any moment.

[–]uniptf 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I hope it helps you, man.

[–]shymeeee 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Fully understand "isolation". I'm gay and grew up in a toxic family ruled by a spiteful narcissist who passed the trait down to my youngest sibling. If something happens to me today, I'll have to handle it all by myself. So your not the only one, and I suspect there're thousands and thousands of men just like us all over the place.

Maybe you can get disability and Medicare services to help with physical therapy. Don't give up on rebuilding your life and body.

[–]Xtrophy[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

I'm so sorry to hear it. My family was horrible as well, stealing, abuse, cops involved nearly every week, and it never got better. I couldn't imagine being gay as well in that situating, something so personal being attacked every day. I hope you've found some peace in your life friend.

As for the disability, while I am currently considered disabled, my specific situation makes me not qualify for assistance. I'm supposed to travel to see a specialist in July, but I don't know how I will make the trip yet. No money no vehicle currently, but I'm trying.

[–]shymeeee 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Don't give up! You deserve joy and a life.

My very best to you!

[–]iamcannabisativa 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Delete social media if you haven't done so already.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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