I am going to start by saying that this story has had many ups and downs, but if now the external is because it seems to be the definitive end and therefore it is too painful to keep it to myself. Six years ago I met an exceptional girl with whom I built a great friendship and shared many of the best moments of my life. She was my best friend, my confidant, and one of the biggest supporters I've ever had. We were inseparable, we did everything together and I really have too many memories with her that make everything that has happened even more painful. Three years ago I was in a bad place, the girl I liked (or thought I liked) had left me without explanation and I was sad and confused. She, being my best friend, was there for me and helped me get out of it. And I, stupidly and without realizing it, gradually fell in love with her. That's how I spent the next few years, in which our relationship changed drastically. Despite the fact that at first I did not say anything to her for fear that she would get away, she had a change of attitude with me, being very affectionate at times (more than normal) and sometimes too cold, making me even more confused. From this we began to have quite a few problems and fights in which sometimes we stopped talking to each other or said things that we really did not mean. Our friendship went from being a good relationship to a constant uncertainty of not knowing what would happen the next moment. She was sometimes cutting, cold and indifferent towards me and I, being stupid, used to confront her at first and then be the one who gave in and apologized, which she never did despite the fact that most of the time (if not all ) it was she who was walking away . I made several mistakes in my attempt to appear stronger than I was and I admit that sometimes I pushed her away to prove myself in front of others only to apologize again because I couldn't bear to be without the one who had been practically the person with whom I had shared the best Moments of my life. We continued like this until a few months ago where I, trying again to show myself and the others that I could be the strong one and that I no longer cared about anything, told her that this was the end of everything. She accepted it, although with a little hesitation. However, I realized my mistake and although I recently tried to remedy it, I know that she is no longer willing or interested in continuing in that endless cycle that has gone on for too long. Now I realize that I have not only lost the person with whom I am still somewhat in love, but the one who was my best friend and it really hurts me the certainty that that a person I loved so much is now practically a stranger to me. I've tried to distract myself, to do other things, but although it works for a couple of weeks and even months I always get to the same point where I'm dying to talk to her and ask her to try to save the friendship we shared for so many years, although now I'm pretty sure it's practically impossible and to be honest, I have no idea how to stop feeling like this.