Abusive GF?

gliw · 2014-09-03T00:42:34+00:00

[permanently deleted]

GenderNeutralLanguag · 2014-09-02T19:13:53+00:00

Abuse isn't a one time event. That is one of the problems with actually defining abuse. I don't know if your holding this one incident up as a symbolic normal for her or if it was this really wierd thing a normally sane person did once.

If in several years of being in a relationship this was her first violence, it's nothing to worry about. If this has been 'normal' behavior for years and your just now starting to realize it's affects, start contacting domestic violence shelters and try to get out ASAP.

2014-09-02T23:08:41+00:00

Do you consider this behavior to be abusive?

Yes.

blueoak9 · 2014-09-02T19:18:52+00:00

"She smacked the phone out of my hands, and she did it in front of our daughter. Do you consider this behavior to be abusive?"

"Smacked" suggests a level of domination that she has probably shown in other incidents, so this probably is part of a pattern. And that would make this abuse.

Even without that, this was way over the line and she will probably escalate unless she is checked.

kizzan · 2014-09-02T20:34:09+00:00

Anytime someone touches you in a negative way out of their frustration (deserved or not), that is physical abuse. I would talk to her and make sure it never happens again. If that was the only time I wouldn't worry about it until it happens again.

Remember, even if you are being a total jerk, if she physically you it is her fault. Always. Don't let her say it is because you were being a jerk. If you were, then she would have reason to verbally tell you that and expect you to change, but not to abuse you.

Apemazzle · 2014-09-02T20:53:15+00:00

First of all, it was absolutely not cool that she did this in front of your daughter.

Second of all, this was an act of violence (albeit minor), so it was not cool that she did it at all.

Thirdly, was it abuse? It's hard to say without knowing if she does this sort of thing frequently, what the dynamic of your relationship is like, how the incident made you feel etc. It might be abuse, but it's also possible that it was an isolated incident which will not occur again.

I think the most important thing is that you have an open conversation with her about it and explain how you feel. If she's apologetic, that's probably a good sign; if she justifies it by blaming you for it, that's probably a bad sign. I can't really say more than that cos I'm no expert, but I'm confident that a conversation of this kind will be very informative.

Mythandros · 2014-09-02T21:22:40+00:00

I consider this to be assault, but is it abuse? No. Abuse is ongoing and constant. A single instance of irrational anger does not abuse make. If she does it constantly and/or it escalates, then yes, this is abuse.

hork23 · 2014-09-03T02:20:11+00:00

Would you put up with this behavior from a man?

Title	Abusive GF?
Author	gliw
Upvotes	9
Comments	25
Date	September 2, 2014 6:51 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/2fa77l/abusive_gf/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/abusive-gf.996214 https://theredarchive.com/post/996214

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