Advice/guidance before 'counseling' ?

WhereProgressIsMade · 2024-03-06T20:23:00+00:00

The biggest problem is many therapists have just as much gynocentric gender bias as the general population.

I remember a story about a speaker at a conference for therapists and he started by writing "Men are [blank]" on a whiteboard or something. He didn't say anything but maybe made some gestures if the audience wasn't quick to start yelling things out. Someone would eventually break the ice and yell out "pigs" or something and get a chuckle and he'd write it down and then it would soon be a flood of similar things. Then he'd do it again with "women are [blank]" but get no negatives but only positives like "wonderful" and "strong". Then he'd finally start talking and his whole lesson was about gender bias that the audience had just demonstrated they had. He'd have some women get so mad they'd storm out. And these are supposed to be the professionals.

So many men quickly discover all that happens that instead of a 1v1 battle, they're now dealing with 1v2. You have to look hard to find one who is going to be fair and listen to your side and give your wife things to work on and expect her to actually do them.

The other reason marriage counseling has a low success rate (most who go are divorced within 5 years anyway) seems to be that at least one person has hit the point of no return before they start going. People doing ok tend to not think they need counseling. If one party isn't going to do any of the work given (and you both should be given things you need to work on between sessions), it's not going to work and is just a waste of time and money.

So you need to insist that you get to screen the therapists and pick one (and then have the right to find a new one if they seemed fair but then end up taking her side on everything). You need to interview them and ask hard questions.

What issues are you dealing with?

alter_furz · 2024-03-07T11:11:51+00:00

Women like the therapy as long as the therapist is talking about what's wrong with the man and how he should fix himself.

HOWEVER, the moment the therapist suggests the woman might be a part of the problem too, they oftentimes quit immediately!

That's the reason why the rate of success is low.

If I were you, I wouldn't let the therapy focus on your wrongness as a man first. Don't let the microscope of the psychological ananysis focus on you as a problem by default. Steer the conversation away towards "we both are the problem"

Ik4oqonov116 · 2024-03-08T15:31:46+00:00

It often takes shopping around for a truly good therapist. A great relationship counselor should be able to guide a couple on seeing each other’s points of view.

I don’t know the dynamics of your relationship to give more detailed advice.

I’m proud of you for being open to doing work within your relationship.

Title	Advice/guidance before 'counseling' ?
Author	bakersma
Upvotes	4
Comments	3
Date	March 6, 2024 4:12 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/1b83mk5/adviceguidance_before_counseling/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/adviceguidance-before-counseling.1426918 https://theredarchive.com/post/1426918

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