Help

CptSeaCow · 2012-10-23T07:11:41+00:00

I'm never having kids unless the laws change.

oneiorosgrip · 2012-10-23T11:57:33+00:00

My husband's ex did this specifically for the purpose of separating him from his kids. There were a lot of reasons at her end, the biggest being that she married a lay preacher and the two of them wanted to pretend to be a "normal" family for their church. At first, when they were young, the kids didn't know any better, just went along with whatever mommy said. As they got older, they began to see what she was doing, and lost a lot of respect for her. In college now, they make a concerted effort to keep in contact with our household - facebook, email, phone calls, and when they can, visits.

I can't tell you anything that will make it easier to deal with an ex who doesn't care about the father's relationship with his kids - there is nothing good to say about her. The only thing I can tell you is that your kids are more observant and perceptive than she thinks, and whether it's now or as they get older, they're going to realize the disregard with which she's treated you and them and recognize what she's taken from them (the time they could have had with their father.) They will also remember who worked his ass off to try to remedy that situation as best he could, letting their mother make her decisions and then responding by giving up his own choices to stay close to his family.

As kids get older, they do begin to understand the difference in who sacrificed their welfare for her own wants, and who sacrificed his wants and needs for their welfare. That will impact on their respect and regard for both of you in a big way, and you may find that once they're old enough to take the initiative, your kids will make an effort to bridge the gap she's trying to create. I know that doesn't make things easier now, but it is something to keep in mind anyway.

It's the hardest thing, moving around like that just to stay close to your kids. I know you are not looking for advice, but if your ex keeps moving like that, and she's not being assigned to move because of a military position but choosing to move, you might be able to use the argument of a stable home and stable environment, continuity of school curriculum, and proximity to familiar folks (any family, friends, teachers and other mentors) as a way of obtaining custody. That way, the ex could move around as much as she wants without separating the kids from you. If she complains that leaving the kids with you and moving away would create too much of a separation for her, you'll be able to point out that's what she's been doing to them and you every time she moves.

Out of curiosity, what is the cause of her repeated moves? Is she having difficulty maintaining a job, or a functional social environment in one location, or is she just periodically uprooting their kids and taking them away from everything they know because she gets bored staying in the same place for too long?

Phuzzums · 2012-10-23T04:20:44+00:00

I'm not sure if something like this would apply to you, but maybe there is a way to delay her move long enough that you could also make arrangements to move as well?

I would like to think since she's the one breaking the custody agreement that she would have to do everything in her power to keep it working. If that involved her driving your daughter for over an hour to be with you for the weekends so be it. In the end, the custody agreement is about your daughter and what's best for her. What best for her is having both of her parents in her life, and neither you nor her mother should be able to deny her that.

SmileyMan694 · 2012-10-23T10:28:17+00:00

Take her to court.

TracyMorganFreeman · 2012-10-23T17:08:04+00:00

How far is her current school from where the mother is intending to move, and how flexible are your and her work schedules? Do any of her current classmates live near where she will be moving It may be possible to work out a commuting schedule, or a carpool.

Patrick5555 · 2012-10-23T12:20:03+00:00

Move again, you are strong like bull

rightsbot · 2012-10-23T04:04:19+00:00

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SCCROW · 2012-10-23T16:10:22+00:00

SPank Everybody!!!

Title	Help
Author	botgimp
Upvotes	36
Comments	17
Date	October 23, 2012 4:02 AM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/11xes9/help/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/help.1010748 https://theredarchive.com/post/1010748

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