Hey guys,

First off, I respect everyone's journey here and hope they find what they're looking for.

I need.. an active-ish forum or a meaningful community where I can express myself truly to connect people with a similar situation to mine.

It involves a really messed up and unique childhood and current adulthood. It also out right calls out a lot of institutions so most people don't want to believe it. (Or don't want enemies, at any rate) But I'm still struggling with it regardless.

It doesn't help that I'm pretty sure a lot of people would be mad at me for making it this far in life despite my trauma while normies might become jealous. That, or everyone just feels bad for me but they don't know what to say. I'm not sure anymore.

Obviously, I tried google. But a lot of the resources either don't respond back to me or are simply a means to capitalize on the male loneliness community without any real drive to help them beyond the easy ones. (I imagine) I'm at a loss. I found a neurodivergent community app and found like 1-2 people. I don't even know if I'm neurodivergent considering how the extreme abuse is intermingled.

About me: In as few words as possible? You know how in the 90s, certain gay kids unfortunately passed on their own lives due to the social horror towards gay kids at the time?

I've survived... through a lot of that and more. Through intelligence, I survived it all and skipped a lot of basics steps because I would just have been ostracized or encouraged to kill myself again. So I just focused on the future or past, at all times. But now that I have all those things in the present, I don't have the ability to find anyone to relate to either my condition or borderline disability. Yet people only see the outside part of me and think I'm faking.

Clearly, money and relative success = no emotional problems, "chad aplha energy," and the out of touch and aloof greedy bald guy, amirite?

Does anyone have a clue where I could go to help communicate this towards others who might understand? I'm essentially someone who never worked on basic stuff growing up, never had healthy relationships until I started working, so I unironically am at an extreme disadvantage except for when I do my career. This is due to my messed up situation all across the board.

PS: I understand most people only listen or believe when there is impressive merit on display so.. I work in pedagogy. I don't wish to brag but I'm pretty good. I help a lot of people. But no one really knows how to help me. This in large part because my success came from a lot of unhealthy coping mechanisms. Staying in the room and just studying, pacing, and video games type stuff with a lot of nightly walks. My abusers were also involved in crime so that messed me up badly as well.

I'm also located in the northeast. But I understand virtually connecting with others is probably my only option.