I'm trying to explain that I thought being in a better state of mind in a place that was familiar to me and gave me access to lifelong friends is better than wanting to not be alive and having to fake a smile for my childs sake. I may as well add some relevant information while I'm here to clarify the situation. I put five years into building a relationship in a place that I hated for various reasons, planning to move when the ex finished school etc etc. I caught her cheating and had no desire to be there anymore, and fell into depression that was affecting my ability to work and complicating every other aspect of my life remaining there. I chose to move to improve my outlook and felt that doing it asap would be better in the long term because my child would have more time to adjust to the situation. Instead of waiting until she were older and 'understood' things better. I felt like the later would have been far more detrimental, because I would essentially be faking all the time and kids know something is wrong. She knew I was faking and always asked me why I'm so sad, and I've gotta say that broke my heart more than deciding to move.

This is her argument: how is moving 'because you can't be with me' building a relationship with her?

I'm being honest and saying that yes that is one aspect of why i moved. The relationship was the big thing motivating me to stay where I was, and kept me happy enough to want to be there. I also considered the long term being much better for all of us. Ex finishes up University, we can move, she can help contribute and i can return to University and etc. "All's well that ends well". Well that is not how it turned out, so that long term was gone and I felt like I had literally wasted five years of my life helping someone who was maliciously stealing from me. (I caught her cheating, and it was extensive.)

Ex: she thinks you're still here and you just don't come around anymore

She is making no effort to adjust our child to this situation. Its frustrating to hear from her that my kid is always asking to visit me and whenever she actually asks if my kid would like to call me she doesn't insist that I'll answer because my kid thinks 'no, daddy is at work he's busy'. I've made every effort I can reasonably make to stay in regular contact with my child. Weekly phone calls because long distance is expensive, I ask to skype excluding the last week because I knew it wasn't going to happen during exam week. But thats all I can do, I'm having a hard time finding work in my home town which is just exacerbating the issue. All the while she has free long distance calling, and I could talk to my kid every day if she would just follow up after 'no daddy is at work' with 'no he'll answer, I promise lets give it a try'. The only time she has done this is when my kid got hurt and insisted on talking to me. (It was nothing serious but it scared her and I always fixed all the booboos) She knows my situation, she knows what I'm doing about it. I just feel like I'm the only one trying to adjust, and she seems like she's actively stopping it out of spite.

Ex: thought about yourself not her

Yes and no. As i said above I felt like it would be better for both of us than staying and pretending. Poorly I might add, she saw through it. It might be a huge adjustment now, but she is at a young age and will cope with it more quickly than had I waited until say eight. She'll never 'understand' and I'd prefer she didn't have to think about it. What I want her to see is me at my best being the best person and father I can be for her. I simply could not live up to that by staying there. Wanting to not be alive and hiding it from your kid is a nightmare, and changing that felt like it was in her best interest as well as mine.

TL;DR: Can I get some help to better explain why I moved and why I think its better this way? Or relevant data on the topic?

Edit:formatting