Mate Guarding

2012-02-28T15:37:47+00:00

This is a great idea! Just the idea will cause a a tidal wave of hysteria - but the "calming" response can always be "nothing to fear, nothing to hide."

Although I suppose a lot of men might fear what they could find out...

But if they're afraid at that, then that's even more reason to do it!

AntiFeministMedia · 2012-02-28T13:52:07+00:00

Good stuff.

Bobsutan · 2012-02-28T18:02:15+00:00

Maybe September is the right month for this after all. September is Prostate Cancer Awareness Month, and if we can sort of morph it into a Men's Issues Awareness Month instead, then making the last day Paternity Test Day would be right in line with what I had in mind.

Bobsutan · 2012-02-28T18:40:59+00:00

Just discovered the link in the OP was deleted without my knowing, so I updated with a revamped version.

http://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/q9zwp/committed_relationships_boundaries_and_cheating/

Bobsutan · 2012-02-28T21:29:21+00:00

Since the thread keeps getting deleted, here's the section on Cheating and having Boundaries and whatnot:

This post is entirely about qualification, namely why it's so damn important when you get into relationships. The cold hard truth of the matter is women cheat as often as men do, and in marriage the infidelity rate is sitting around 20%. While this information isn't for married men per se, it's certainly applicable. Source:

http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/guide/cheating-wives-women-infidelity

I've seen a surprising amount of men get burned by women cheating or branch swinging, and I big problem with what is becoming of relationships, so this is as much for me as it is for all of you. Ladies, if you're in a committed monogamous relationship then there are some things you just don't do--you don't touch, kiss, fuck, suck, or jerk off other guys when you're seeing someone, and better yet...don't even put yourself in a situation where that can occur in the first place! These rules should be a given and shouldn't have to be articulated when discussing each other's boundaries, such as what you both consider as cheating. Unfortunately a lot of people are getting burned by this assumption, which is why I always tell guys you've got to cover this stuff sooner rather than later when you start dating.

I learned an important lesson myself recently when it comes to articulating your expectations, so this is fresh in my mind. In my opinion it is when you decide to be monogamous and solidify what your relationship status is that that's when it's time to explain what it means to you to be in serious relationship. Where I failed was I didn't explain I expect a certain level of commitment in a monogamous relationship, namely that if she starts to feel something for someone else that I'm to know about it and she's to cut off all contact with the other person. If she cannot fulfill that commitment to me, then she's not relationship material as far as I'm concerned.

CHEATING

In my experience there are generally two types of cheating:

The first type of cheating is the alcohol fueled libido in overdrive "it just happened" or "one thing led to another" hookup, aka drunk sex, aka drunken hookup. Think of it as leveraging her Buying Temperature (BT). This is the kind of thing that happens when women go to the bar or club without their guy or a trusted friend to keep an eye on things and get drunk & horny and the right guy knows how to push her buttons and they hookup against her better judgement. It's pretty simple and can be mitigated in most cases by the SO or trusted friend just being present and keeping an eye on things. "Mate guarding" if you will.

Unfortunately, with women nowadays you just can't take the chance with "trust" because, well, it's just not that simple. I've seen guys in the pickup community pull off some fucked up shit over the years. One I remember was a guy in our local community pulled a girl in a venue who's bf and girfriends were right there, said they would be right back getting drinks or something, and he fucked her in the alley (or was it his car?) next to the club. They went back inside like nothing ever happened and her bf and friends were non the wiser. I'm sure the next day when she sobered up she was mortified and what she'd done, but by then the damage was done. Others have done similar with bathroom pulls, car pulls, etc.

Know this: Shit like that happens every weekend in bars and clubs around the country, it's a reality you must be mindful of, and that's why I'm personally adamantly opposed to women you're in a relationship with going out unsupervised where there will be strange men and booze. Mate guarding is a thing because it's necessary, and more now than ever IMO. As such, I'm a huge fan of "Trust, but verify" should an SO go out without me.

When I I'm present I do my best to be mindful of the situation. If I see things getting out of hand with my SO and some other guy, I watch her like a hawk and/or she basically never leaves my side and/or sight. If need be I'll literally walk with her to the bathroom if we're they're by ourselves and/or wait for her nearby so the door is in sight. Basically never giving the opportunity to be cheated on in a setting such as this where "one thing leads to another" and "it just happened". In other words if she's getting tipsy and getting a little too close for comfort with another guy, then I remove her from the situation and we have our fun elsewhere (namely at home because he's already done the work for me).... In the pickup community they'd call this "stealing buying temperature". In other words he did the work getting her emotionally pumped up and turned on, and I swoop in and take her home to enjoy the fruits of his labor.

Now I want you to understand something: she's not getting turned by the other guy because she's a cheater--I do trust her. If a woman is intent on cheating, then she'll find a way of making it happen. We'll assume for a moment we've already screened for women who won't cheat of their own conscious accord (see below). I'm talking about recognizing signs when a woman who otherwise wouldn't cheat is getting into libido overdrive from booze (inhibitions are removed or reduced), and because the guy is spitting good game and getting her worked up (BT spiking), because it's in that mental state when women are liable to let go and do inappropriate things which many men have been burned by that results in "one thing led to another" and/or "it just happened". Your job is to prevent that kind of shit from happening by Mate Guarding. In the modern world that manifests as denying the opportunity for cheating to occur (eg keeping her by your side, watching the door, etc).

Saying you can choose women who won't be susceptible to that is foolish. ALL women are susceptible to it because alcohol affects them the same, and a guy with decent game can swoop in and capitalize in the heat of the moment thanks to Buying Temperature, regardless of whether she's a "good girl" or not. More on that dynamic can be read here:

http://rationalmale.wordpress.com/2011/11/10/good-girls-do/ (NSFW for picture of girl in underwear)

http://rationalmale.wordpress.com/2012/01/02/plate-theory-v-ladys-game/

Gentlemen, as I’m fond of saying, women will fuck. They may not fuck you, they may not fuck me, but they will fuck someone. The girl who bangs the hot guy at the foam party in Cancun on Spring Break within 5 minutes of meeting him is the same girl who want’s you to believe that they’ll only fuck one guy at a time and then after commitment. All women are sexual, you just need to be the right guy at the right time for the job.

I've been the right guy at the right time, and I've been burned by gf's who ended up with other guys who were the right guy at the right time. In my case it was an ex that went to a house party when I was out of state and she slept over because she knew the hosts, and fucked a dude in their bathroom just because she was drunk & horny. "It just happened". Normally she'd have never done that, but because I didn't know about boundaries and lay down the law, she did something inappropriate (go to a party without me), and "one thing led to another".

The second type of cheating is when the person is of poor character and fails to fulfill their commitment to their SO by removing themselves from the source of temptation. This is what I meant above by not putting yourself in the situation for cheating to occur in the first place. If a person doesn't abide by this common sense rule and does it anyway then they're of poor character, simple as that. This is the kind of cheating you hear about when people say, "if they want to cheat, they'll find a way". Sometimes they use the above type of cheating as an excuse, but don't be fooled.

As far as I'm concerned, if you find yourself starting to become attracted to another person, have lustful feelings for them, or anything along those lines, you have to cut off all contact with that person. Period. That's what it means to be committed to your SO. If you can't fulfill this basic requirement then you're not relationship material and of poor character IMO. And you know what guys? Women do this ALL. THE. TIME. It's at the core of branch swinging (women don't generally leave a relationship until they have another one lined up), so what's that tell you about most women these days?

Short version, being in a monogamous relationship doesn't mean you stay with the person until something better comes along. Fuck that. If that's what you want, then you have no business being in a monogamous relationship and need to make your actual intentions known, that the person you're seeing is just a placeholder until you find something you think is better. If this sounds like something people do who are of low quality, it's because it is.

Make sure you scroll down and read the next section on Boundaries and the Conclusion to my OP here.

FrankManic · 2012-02-29T03:19:26+00:00

That is fucking sick. Why in god's name would do something like that to your children?

But sure, go with some Sedcom dripstain's debased view of the world.

Title	Mate Guarding
Author	Bobsutan
Upvotes	13
Comments	8
Date	February 28, 2012 6:02 AM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/q9cs3/mate_guarding/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/mate-guarding.1026950 https://theredarchive.com/post/1026950

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