I'm in a bad place right now - I really need help.

I've been accused of absolutely horrifying things by my kids. My wife and the rest of my family are very supportive and I have an excellent attorney. In that sense, I'm luckier than most.

I've been involved in men's and women's rights advocacy for over a decade now - I've heard the horror stories, and I've seen them first hand. I've been a paralegal in family law and juvenile dependency. I've seen men and women destroyed by this stuff on a regular basis. I've subscribed to this sub under a different name for a long time. I understand the problems here *very* well.

I taught my kids about these things. The injustices, the reasons for them and the ways people were trying to fix them or make them worse. I was a stay-at-home dad for nearly a decade now, and it was incredibly fulfilling. Being a dad had been the greatest thing I'd done with my life.

I never expected my kids to use this against me. I know now how naive that was and I, of all people, should have seen it as a possibility. I've lost my child and my step-child (raised her since she was only a couple years old and I'm the only father she ever really knew), probably forever. I'm facing ~1500 - ~3500 years in prison. I and my family have used every resource available to get a good attorney and to post bail while I'm awaiting trial.

This situation has cost me, among other things, my health insurance. I've got a small stash of the heart medicine I need, but it'll be months until I'm covered again.

Right now, I want to die. I'm terrified to leave my home. I've lost my kids. I've failed in all the things I've fought for. I'm a burden to my family. I'm out of resources to find psychological help for myself.

I also want to live. I don't want to hurt my remaining family. I don't want to give our broken system the satisfaction of pretending they were right about me. I haven't given up on being a father - though I know I'll have to start over. I still want to make the world better and make my family proud of me.

I desperately need a support group or something like one. I can't look for anything locally, I can't afford a therapist and my family has already given me more support than I've ever deserved. Does anyone here have any ideas?

Thanks for your help.