please help me reddit!

SharkSpider · 2011-06-21T14:14:55+00:00

Either you have a bad lawyer, or you have a good lawyer who realizes that the system is going to fuck you over, hard, and wants to get the best for you. You need to figure out which one it is, and then either fire her or have a serious talk about why she's trying to talk you down.

jady1971 · 2011-06-21T15:09:50+00:00

Visitation at that young of an age is a tricky thing. I would try and get what you can and fight for more in a few years. I just went through a custody battle in CA and even though I was considered a good parent and have shared legal custody I still only get them every Tuesday overnight and every other weekend from friday eve to sunday eve. As they get older the courts will be more likely to allow more time away from the primary residence.

They are 4,6 and 8 BTW.

2011-06-21T15:34:50+00:00

Are you in the states? This organization might be able to put you in contact with a good local lawyer: http://www.fathersandfamilies.org/

megazen · 2011-06-21T17:01:54+00:00

Ask [Fathers & Families](www.fathersandfamilies.org) for help if you live in the US, and also the National Coalition for Men could be useful.

Read the Top Ten Tricks of Scumbags Known as “Family Law Attorneys” and Divorce Self Defense 101

Guy51234 · 2011-06-21T17:04:50+00:00

Decide what you want and don't settle for less. This will impoverish you, plan on it, don't make filings you can't afford. Don't accept what you don't feel is fair. That is how they win.

On a practical level, find another attorney right away. When I found my attorney I asked him if he could be a pit bull and fight to the end.

If he said no, I was out the door. First visit should always be free with an attorney, use this to find one that is on the same page with you.

Attorney consultants to the court write that ill informed men who settle for less is the main reason men don't get custody more often.

It will be an absolute pain but this is your son, fight for him. He needs you, you will always be his father.

Unenjoyed · 2011-06-21T14:59:28+00:00

Get a lawyer who actually works for a living.
Hire a private detective to get dirt on your ex

that_makes_no_sense · 2011-06-21T16:16:21+00:00

Whatever agreement you end up with, try to make the wording open-ended enough that it will be easy to revise once he is older and/or you have more money to fight for a better custody arrangement. Make sure the judge knows that you are absolutely available to take him any time and will work your schedule to accommodate his needs. Be reasonable, always be reasonable. Don't get angry. Even when it's unfair, don't show your anger. Your idea to have a lawyer representing you in the courtroom is an excellent one. Be sincere. Don't bash the mother and don't rant, even if it's warranted and she deserves it. Take parenting courses - any sort of parenting course or group you can attend: GO. Be involved. Write nice emails to your ex, or have a notebook or something, asking her to keep you informed of his milestones, what he is eating, new words, etc.... you want to know this stuff anyway, but being able to prove in court that you're being as involved as you can despite the limited access you have will be points in your favour. If you insulted your ex for anything in the past and it's verifiable (ie - you called her a bitch in an email or something) then apologize, again via email or some way that can be proven, and make sure she knows that you want to work with her. Get counselling if you can so that you have professionals who can vouch for your mental stability and your love for your son.

I can't stress enough the idea of being respectful to everyone involved and getting as involved in your role as a parent as possible - even if you don't have your son with you. Take parenting after separation courses if they're offered in your area. Anything and everything you can to prove you're the wonderful, loving parent you say you are. I know how much it sucks to be nice to people who are screwing you over, but in your case - because you sound like you don't have the money to hire a pitbull lawyer - you might be better off battling with nice.

2011-06-21T17:36:50+00:00

Dude, good luck.

pakmanishere · 2011-06-21T15:39:36+00:00

There is no reason to restrict your visitation even at that age, except gender bias.

dudeedud4 · 2011-06-21T13:18:54+00:00

Learn to tell the courts that what your Lawyer is saying is wrong and that what you told us is right.

Title	please help me reddit!
Author	that_makes_no_sense
Upvotes	31
Comments	20
Date	June 21, 2011 10:31 AM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/i55cx/please_help_me_reddit/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/please-help-me-reddit.1038348 https://theredarchive.com/post/1038348

Comments